C'MON!!

Christmas is over and it should just be me and Bob and whatever we want to do, right?

Nope. Bob starts in on 'when you going to get up tomorrow?'

Now, when we are on holidays I will get up earlier if we are going to a movie or shopping or something but it's common knowledge that I'm going to need a nap later in the day.

Bob suggests we go visit our friends who live an hour away! Just pick up and drop in!

First, cranky Cindy will be around because there is no such thing as a drop in and really Bob just wants to put in an appearance so that we don't get flack but c'mon, it's not about just him!! We'd end up there for hours and I would get bitchy in the car on the way back and well, it is not something I want dropped on me without notice. Especially after the past few days.

Second, (and you thought it was only about me) he wasn't going to call or anything. Just drop in. Now. Bob and I love the drop in, feel free to drop in. Other people, (said friends) hate the drop in and have told Bob this but somehow he got it in his head that because his buddy said *he* likes drop ins that it's A-okay. Just so you know, it's not okay with his wife.

Third - and this is really where my mind starts to whirl, they might not be home!!! I figure best bud will probably be working and possibly even the wife but since the wife works from home Bob figures it's no problem.

What an extreme social misfit I married!!

I do know that secretly Bob just wants to be able to say, 'hey we were there, we tried but hey, why don't you come out our way.'

Yep, a nutbar married to a nutbar.

Hey, just call them and let them know we aren't up to any traveling right now. Be honest.

I tell ya, Bob is going to retire one day and wonder where all his friends went. (And it gets just a bit exhausting mentally and obviously emotionally (because of my anxiety) when I am constantly after Bob to call someone or to plan a visit)

You all know I love Bob but he doesn't want to visit anyone unless he can go in the morning and be back by dinner. I, on the other hand, would prefer to have a good nights sleep, get up and go in the afternoon and not worry when we get home. Going to his family's home is stressful for me because Bob wants to leave here by 10am which means there are days where I get less than 5 hours sleep only to have him land on their couch and fall asleep!

Relationships are all about compromise (and yeah, there is a bit more of that on Bob's side at times) but Bob can go visit people any hour of the day. Any hour! So I do resent him when he makes me get up because he wants to leave early so he can get back and re-wire something or whatever. Forget about trying to shop after only 5 hours of sleep. I told him the other day I was going to wake him at 2 in the morning and get him out and about and see how his system liked it.

So far only the grocery store is open at that time.

End rant.

It's Over!!

Just wanted to pop in and let you all know I survived.

I underplayed just how bad things were but I got through it and now I feel just a little dizzy from the relief. Crazy how a day that brings a lot of joy and can give me so much pain. Last night I finally went to bed at 2:30am only to cry for a bit and worry that I was going to throw up. For a half hour I did my breathing and positive self-talk until my body relaxed and let me fall into sleep.

The morning came too quick and more crying and panicking ensued. I thought I was organized but it just seemed that everything snowballed. Thank God for Bob who loves me even when I burst into tears for no apparent reason.

The day itself was great and Bobby bought me a new digital camera with an instruction manual that I'm counting as a 'read'. The rest of the day was fine also even though there was no time for a nap and I had to take two of my anxiety pills - no problem with dinner after that.

I guess I just got myself worked up the day before and early in the morning. Silly Cindy.

Lots of loot and stuff but I am going to go veg in front of the TV for an hour before going to bed. I get to sleep in tomorrow and then we can go over for left overs which is never stressful (she says hoping so evil being isn't thinking 'oh yeah?').

I only got one Chapters gift card this year and Cody chewed it up. He got that one along with one of Bob's Home Depot GCs. Ooops. There are three numbers missing from the code on the back - I'll take a picture of it and post it next time - so I'm hoping customer service can help me out!

So, what did you guys get and are you surviving or imbibing?

Merry Christmas My Friends!

It's 2:05am Christmas morning and NORAD has just tracked Santa into Alberta Canada! I'm sure I'll hear some jolly laughter and hearty clip-clops on my roof if I just stay up a few more hours.

Nah. I know better. You have to be sleeping and since he's heading this way soon I'm settling in for a short winter's nap (trust me, it ain't no Cindy Slumber)

The stockings are filled and Secret Santa was a success - too successful as the one Bob got (a hot dog cooker) was another version of the one I bought him for Christmas. I just about passed out and I knew no one would steal it from him. Tonight when we got home I told him he had to open one gift from me. I took a picture of him as he unwrapped another hot dog cooker. Great minds and all that. From what I can tell, no one is owning up to who the 'secret Santa' was that came up with that winner. Probably because they know I'd have to smite them. Grrrr. I think they all enjoy my reactions when Bob gets yet another gift that makes me want to cry for the tackiness of it all. They will be really shocked tomorrow when they see the pictures of Bob with his second one!

So I need to get ready for bed. Wake up call is 9:30am and that's coming at me like a bolt of lightning.

I wish you all a wonderful Christmas full of love, laughter and fun!

Happy Holidays!

Postcards from the Wrapping Pile

We're still wrapping gifts.

Bob suggested the other day that wrapping presents was the best part of gift giving for me.

Yeah, what a card.

Dinner on Saturday turned out great and the Godkids enjoyed their gifts. The oldest had to call his best friends and tell them what he got - that's the best reaction yet. Meanwhile Josh was beyond happy when he opened his tangerine Furberry (yep, it's even scented). Since I do gifts in threes the first present they opened were the reindeer webkinz just before dinner. They tried to quietly ask their mother if there were any more gifts under the tree.

After dinner I made them open their jammies next and each had an oversized T-shirt with a saying that fit their personality. The eldest had 'If you aren't completely impressed you haven't been watching me' while the youngest had 'I'm not trying to be difficult, it just comes naturally' (that ain't no lie!) They both changed immediately. That's the fun thing with kids, they are even thrilled when they get clothes! They then got their fun gifts which were the furberry (ordered from the States but just recently spotted in Zellers up here) and skate board.

Happy times.

It was a really nice night and the kids weren't crazy silly (which can happen around this time of year).

Today we went to Bob's mom's for lunch and we had the best Swiss Chalet I've had in probably a year! Quarter white with fries - yummmm. We got a bunch of flack for never coming down on Christmas day and I floated the idea of the family coming out our way next year. Paul (the one who cooks the dinner and hosts for everyone) said he would love it but knew the minute we left everyone else would go bug eyed crazy and rant about how they weren't going no where on their Christmas. Hell, it started while we were there.

One brother said to Bob, 'it's not a long drive for you, just do it!' To which Bob replied 'Exactly, just do it.' (This brother has only ever been out to our house once - he's probably like me in the anxiety department). Then the other brother piped up (there are 7 boys) and said that next year the girls (his daughters) would have to go to their mom's after noon. I said, no problem, come for dinner!

Went over like a lead balloon.

I feel bad for Paul because it means he will never get a break from doing the dinner and such but it's good to know that we offered and that they really can't be giving us the gears if they don't want to travel either.

So my guilt is slightly lessened.

We started home because my best bud was coming and we got here just as she arrived thus, no nap for Cindy. I only bought a gift for 'the boy' and was shocked when there were gifts for Bob and I considering 'we' had agreed that the only gift would be for the kid. Colour me embarrassed!

She left at around 8pm and I was zonked. Actually I was tired all day. Then an hour ago I felt like I had finally woke up. Stupid brain.

So I'm just going to do some blog hopping and then try and unwind before hitting the sack.

Three more days and life can get back to semi-normal!

Feliz Navidad!

Hark Upon Yonder!

I read a review of *bloody hell, which book was it* Halfway to the Grave over at Kristie's and Katiebabs Ramblings on Romance and well, I went out and bought the book tonight!

Okay, I know, but the fact that I even showed any interest in buying a book means I might be coming back.

Merry Christmas to ME!

Also, I think buying my last gift (Bob is going to have to take up some of the slack - he's so it!) tonight took a huge weight off my shoulders. I don't know about you guys but after a while I just can't think straight and I'm completely off my game. We have something like 40 major gifts we have to buy and then there are all the little odds and sods - Bob likes to do stockings and we introduced that to my family last year which means even more little stuff for people! Not only do I get anxious about what gift to buy, I then get anxious about the 'Secret Santa' gift exchange we do where you try and steal gifts from each other (it's supposed to be fun but I stress over it!). For my family it's like a challenge to see who can buy the most sought after gift. Or maybe it's me. So I never really buy myself something I want (like you are supposed to), I end up searching hi and lo for something everyone would want.

Anyways, I found something and I'm over it. I'm just glad I found something a little different and if I end up with it then I'm a happy camper also.

So we're heading into Friday the 21st and today is more like a free day. I have cleaning and wrapping to do but I don't need to get out there and tussle so it's all good.

On Saturday we're having my best friend's family (Godkids and all) over for a 'friends' Christmas with turkey dinner. Yum. Sunday we go back to Bob's mom's house, Sunday afternoon my best bud comes up and then on Christmas Eve we do nothing until we have to go to my parents for dinner. Sah-wheat!!

Don't tell anyone about Christmas Eve.

I just know if someone finds out we're not hiking all over Kingdom Come we'll get called upon.

AND, this year, we're doing New Year's Eve all by ourselves!!

I'm such an anti-social twit but a nice dinner planned and Bob and I can stay in our jammies for two whole days!?

Heaven.

12 Days of Duidecimal

The Duckie Ladies are having a ball over at Sybil's with their 12 Days of Duodecimal!

In case you haven't been checking through the lists (some are hysterical while others are very helpful in growing the TBB list!) here is my little contribution.

Not that I'm a fangirl or anything.

Nope.

I'm the real McCoy - a stalker rabid fangirl.

Off to see if I can find a Secret Santa gift for my family's White Elephant gift exchange we do on Christmas Eve. So far, I haven't seen a thing!

A Little Holiday Cheer

A Few Things I Now Know

Yep, this should be a short post.

I'm in an epic reading slump.

Epic.

I haven't been this bad in years and nothing except a brand new Anne Stuart will get me to pick up a book.

Oh sure, I have the token book I'm carrying around and when I end up trapped somewhere or in a line I pull the book out and try.

Try. Pathetic really but I haven't read one sentence that makes me want to drop every thing and hole up with my 'Don't even think about talking to me' sign posted.

If I think too hard on it I get sad so I'm skirting the issue. Maybe I'm over romance.

Wait, not true! I recently rented Pirates III and I was thoroughly annoyed by the ending. I won't spoil it for anyone but it didn't work for me which means I really do like my HEAs.

Moving on!

I look too much into the future and don't bask in the present.

I would posit (cool, eh? I think I even used it correctly) that most anxious people rarely live in the moment. We are constantly peaking into the future and mentally arranging things to make our lives more comfortable.

Then, to turn the world topsy-turvy, when we are in the middle of something extremely provoking, time seems to stand still and there is no escape.

I spend a good deal of my life getting people to NOT depend on me for anything. Bob can depend on me but anyone else? Forget it. I'm a let down on most days.

I realized this the other day when my friend was casually (*cough* bullshit *cough) mentioning how she needed someone to pick up her son. At first I was 'hey, I can do that' and then I remembered how not so good I am at stuff like that. So I back-pedaled. Since the boy in question is my Godson I pretty much suck.

It seems my back-pedaling didn't trump her need of me doing said task. Thus, I must get up and go pick up her son from school which is 20 minutes from where we live and get him home. I swear I will never open my mouth around her again.

I know what you are thinking. WTF? How hard is it to be there for your friend? Yep. I mentioned I suck right? What people don't understand is how something that should be simple becomes overwhelming for a person like me.

'What if I don't fall asleep in time to get enough sleep before picking up my boy?' 'What if I don't feel well?' 'What if I let someone down again?' 'Did I write that note reminding myself to not forget?' 'What if I sleep in?' Don't get me started on how my brain starts to organize stuff to get around the situation. Okay, afterwards you will have to visit with your friend (which is fun and yet it's before Christmas and stuff needs to get done), you need to check and see if your mom needs her drive plowed, pick up ice and water and stop at grocery store (which I hate and avoid when my brain even remotely gives me an out) and ....

Repeat until you are pacing. Then repeat some more.

Yetch.

The reason all this 'blurgh' came up was me thinking about how after the New Year I was going to finally focus on decorating our house. Nobody needing me for anything, or celebrations, or birthdays (okay, that's never true), or visiting. Nothing. Just me and time.

On that note I'm almost afraid to go back a few years and read what I wrote during this same time. I'm betting anxiety, time for myself and a view to things getting better were all there.

I need a new schtick.

Whoops

Hmm, I've fallen into a rut of not blogging. Who knew I could be susceptible?

In all honesty, my back has been giving me some problems and sitting in front of the computer is agonizing. I'm trying to sit properly in the computer chair (usually sit with my legs up on the desk) and since I'm not in bad shape right now I thought I would do a quick post.

So my back was fine and then I went for a massage. The pain crept back until I was in killer pain again on Wednesday night. Back to the heat pad and muscle relaxers. I was supposed to go to the docs on Friday morning but I was sick to my stomach all night Thursday so I didn't want to leave the house. Now I have more anxiety (which is not fun) but my mood is definitely better without adding anything. So I'm thinking of just upping the dose over the holidays and then weaning back down after the New Year. Then I will make a follow up with my doc.

I'm not sure why the anxiety came up (other than the drop in meds) as I have the tree up and decorated in what I consider a tacky navy blue - then again, everyone else loves it. What do I know? There are a few ornaments that Bob put up that are purple and green but he thinks they are blue and I didn't bother changing them. I went with navy because Bob wanted the tree to be blue and it's the one colour he likes at it's darkest.

You can see Emma under the tree. That is her new spot and she will even hold her ground against Cody. They usually wouldn't be seen in the same room but she has made an exception for the tree.

The dining room and the rest of the room in that picture is taken in look like a tornado hit so that's eating up brain space. I need to get some of the clutter out but getting the tree done and some of the other stuff up was enough moving around for one day.

The dining room table is covered in gifts needing to be wrapped but hopefully I'll put a huge dent in that tomorrow. Then again, you remember how Rocky and Cody used to eat my books? Well, Cody has moved on to eating anything in his path. He found a wrapped gift and tore it up while I was out. OUCH! So I will have to keep the gifts up from the mutt. Silly puppy.

On that note, the pup went for a spa day so he is squeaky clean and doesn't smell like butt anymore.

It's the little things in life, you know? Dog not smelling like ass? Priceless.

I have been toting around Wicked Deeds on a Winter's Night by Kresley Cole but finding the hero speaking in deep brogue is enough to have me wondering if this is the book to crack the slump. Since this ain't no ordinary slump, I'm not sure it is.

And finally, we're bracing for a winter storm. I love snow storms and the weather people are all in a tizzy about this one breaking records. Yeah. Heard that before. Bob and I are ready to bundle up and watch movies tomorrow and I have a nice roast I can put in the oven.

Sounds like a perfect kind of day.

Edited: Weight Watchers is now on hold until after the holidays. I have the system and will scout out and buy the stuff I need but right now, I can't see going to meetings about maintaining weight over the holidays. So, pfffffft.

And Moving On

Sorry, I'm a silly monkey that must post twice today. I should copy and paste an e-mail I sent to one of my friends because it sums up the past week.

Huh, Lazy Cindy says run with it so :

PHEW! I'm telling you, between my back (which is almost completely better) and Bob's holidays I'm exhausted.

On Thursday I was up early and we went out for breakfast and then to St. Jacobs for much of the day. I was in pain and limped most of the day but I didn't want to stop - I was tired of the pain and just wanted to go out and have fun with Bob. When we got home I was ready for a nap and climbed into bed at 3:30pm. Two hours later I was near tears and got up to tell Bob I was exhausted and the pain was too much. Terrific Gift Alert!! Luckily we found my 'heat buddy' - a bean bag with a soft outer shell that you can microwave - and I tried to sleep again. The last thought I had was '@%$% this!!! I'm might as well get up'. Didn't get out of bed until 6am!

We interrupt this lazy blogging In an effort to make your holiday shopping just a little easier. Can I tell you that my 'heat buddy' is the best kept secret for everything from periods cramps to pain from a pinched nerve. Pictures you ask? Oh-kay!!

For the pet lover in your life - I guess there is a bean bag that you can remove and heat or freeze and then put back in the plushy. 30 dollars. (I don't want anything flashy or cute, I was pain relief in seconds so this one isn't for me)

The one on the right is like the one I have only mine is black with a cream soft cuddly side. I usually carry my stress in my shoulders so that was what I bought my buddy for. Well, the thing is constantly saving my life - I actually ball it up when I have cramps and lay stomach down on it. The pressure and the heat have me falling in my drug induced sleep pain free. LOVE IT! 40 Bucks.


But it is this one that I saw recently that took my breath away! I WANT! If I don't get one for Christmas then I'm totally going out and finding one immediately. No more silly stick on heat patches that actually numb my skin and the area but don't seem to actually help the muscle to loosen up.

Dangit! They show this on their promo page but I can only find a silk one to buy and I don't do silk. Anyways you are looking at 40 bucks.

And now back to our regularly schedule program:

So Friday I remembered that my cousin had the day off and had wanted to go out with me. (I didn't know Bob was going to be off) We spent the entire day with her and we shopped ALL day. I was in pain for most of it but by the end of the day I kept saying it was like I had walked the back pain into my butt. Super weird.

Again, went to bed with a muscle relaxer and the 'heat buddy' at about 11pm and didn't get up until noon on Saturday. It was a miracle. I was pain free!

Saturday was another shopping day and we rented movies and Bob wanted to watch Die Hard - when Bob is on holidays my daily routine flys right out the window. I haven't watch TV or been on the computer for days! Bob wanted to decorate the tree tonight and I just couldn't see straight. No naps or TV veggin periods or brain free computer time! I was zonked!

So I had a nap - finally!

End Lazy Cindy post.

Tomorrow I'm booked for a full body massage. Ahhh. A little something to finish off the last of the kinks.

Yep. Spoiled rotten.

Hope everyone had a bit more of a relaxing weekend.

Okay, I'm Weird

This post is my 666 post so I just want to post something silly and then move on.

Then again, it would probably surprise you that I have a thing for 'End of the World' movies. Thing is, they have to end with hope or I have to at least understand what the hell is going on!

Thus I give you: I AM LEGEND

Christmas Meme from the Book Binge Ladies!

Holy great prize alert peeps!

The generous ladies at Book Binge have a great contest where their readers share their Christmas customs and could win an E-Book Reader.

Take a moment.

You with me now? I KNOW!!

I may not know what to do with one - but I WANT!

Thus, my Christmas 10:

1. What is your favorite Christmas romance to re-read each year?

If you don't know the answer to this you are new to this blog.

Welcome!

I'm not one for themed romances so a week of straight Anne Stuart re-reads would be a wonderful way to enjoy Christmas.

2. What is your favorite Christmas movie/show?

Huh. If I knew my crazy slip was going to be showing throughout this questionnaire I might have re-thought my decision.

Meh.

It's not Christmas until a beaten up, bloody Bruce Willis lands on our TV screen.

The good news is I married a man who understands that's it's just not Christmas until Die Hard is in the DVD player. Yes. We watch it every year.

3. What is your favorite Christmas cookie?

Mine is actually a bar that I blogged about last Christmas. I call them Maid Marians which has my second mother laughing all the times. She calls them Maid of Honours while I met others who call them Millennium bars.

Recipe for them can be found in this post

4. When do you start Christmas shopping?

We shop all year for Christmas because we buy for many people - Bob's family alone is huge but we're getting to the point where gift certificates seem like the best answer.

I have been finished my shopping in November the past few years but this year we just didn't get our act together so we're still shopping.

5. Do you re-gift?

Ab-so-friggin-lutely!! I figure if my mother can return every gift I have ever bought her than I can take that candle I have a few too many of and pass it along to a home that might appreciate it. And chocolates. We've had the discussion about giving fat people chocolate, right? The damn things come into the house and I take them right back out.

6. What is your favorite Christmas song?

Megan, stop reading now.

The Little Drummer Boy. I've never heard I version I didn't love.

7. When do you get your Christmas tree?

Normally the first weekend in December unless it's raining instead of snowing. We have an artificial tree that has fake snow on it. When we host Christmas we put up a real tree but when we aren't we put of the snow tree. Right now the tree is up and has lights. The ornaments haven't quite found their way onto the tree.

8. Wrapping presents: Love it or hate it?

Hate it. My back aches and my shoulders cramp and it's like the pile that needs to be wrapped gets bigger and bigger!

9. Who is the hardest person to buy for?

I find it hard for most people nowadays. I normally figure out something unique and fun but this year it's been like pulling teeth. Slowly but surely I'm getting there. My mom is the one giving me fits this year. My aunt also because she doesn't have a 'thing'.

I have many 'things'. Basically I go nuts for monkeys so I get funny monkeys, cute monkeys, evil monkeys and talking monkeys. Last year the family asked if I was over monkeys. Uh, NO!! I love my monkeys.

Also, my hubby and I went to St. Jacobs up here and we found a store that sold everything Angel. I've never been much for angels but I found one in the store and fell in love - I love them all. Okay, I'll add a picture - gorgeous to my eyes and not too hard on the wallet. Perfect!

10. Christmas tree: Real or artificial?

Depends on the year and what mood we're in. I would have never bought an artificial tree and I was shocked when Bob decided he wanted one. He found one that looks like a blue spruce covered heavily in snow. I was tired of fighting him so he bought it and I have to say, the years that we don't have to put a real tree into a stand are extremely gentle on my poor ears. Bob is not easily frustrated or quick to anger but 5 minutes on his belly trying to get a real tree to stand proper and the air is frigid with the bah-hum-bug spirit.

Woohoo, done!!

Slap some technology on me baby!

Geez, Bob just yelled down from upstairs. Die Hard is on. Gotta run.

Ahhhhh, The Train!!

Bob's picture taking skills are horrid but we laughed ourselves silly over this one.

Ahhhhh, The Train!!

I look terrified.

The best picture turned out to be one of Bob and my mom but we're protecting the innocent.

My mom.

Bob gleefully got up on the step of the engine waving frantically. Great shot. I guess those around us thought that was great and suddenly those steps were covered so I couldn't get my picture taken there.


This is us hot footing it to the front of the train. (That's Bob facing the camera and my mother's back) It says Canadian Pacific Holiday and then another car says Train but let's face it, it was the engine we were driving for.

Remember I said something about it being lame. It was but in a fun sort of 'we've never done this before' kind of way and the crowd was really nothing.

We brought two bags of canned food for the food drive and dropped them off and then Bob bought two tiny things of hot chocolate for him and my mom and gave them 4 bucks. So we ended up helping people and getting to see a really old train. I would have liked to go in the train but the line-up was huge and as you can tell it was chilly. Brrrr.

Still it was fun to get out of the house, get some exercise and when I'm dressed properly I do well. The only problem I had (and I'm used to it) is that my thighs tend to freeze. I'm pretty sure they get close to frost bitten at times but last night they only burned for about a 1/2 hour afterwards so it was fine.

So if the train is heading through your town or city you should give it a go just for fun.

Tonight is D-night. I'm thinking I should crack a coke later today for one last hoorah. I cooked prime rib and made mashed potatoes during the night so that I had dinner at about 5am. Yum. I've also eaten about all the chocolate I can stomach for a bit so I guess I'm as good as ready.

On another note, Bob is taking the rest of the week off. YAY!!! We're both excited to actually spend some time together and to go fun shopping. He's only had a week off this year and the other week was a bereavement week when his father passed. So we're looking forward to hitting a few of our favourite places but then, some of those places have food.

*sigh*

I guess I'll be counting those points! I'm hoping you can still save points up for the weekends. And I better check to see that I have enough popcorn in the house. Not to mention some snacky vegetables.

I haven't read anything BUT, I did up our Christmas cards. I was lazy this year and decided if 12 people live in one house then they only get one card. Also, the nieces and nephews are old enough that getting mail isn't a big deal anymore. So the task was relatively painless. Except for those odd ones where you don't have the address and 411 is completely clueless. I have three cards that I need to track addresses down for. Hopefully I can finish them tonight and get it done.

First Christmas duty - Check!!

Seeing Santa

I went to the baking party and it was fun however, I feel a little sorry for the firemen getting some of the baked goods. I sampled some of the ones I brought home and they aren't worth the calories. I remember when baking was an art. Now the ladies who came just don't have the time and rush the recipes and some were silly. How about a ball of peanut butter with a few rice crispies. WTF!?

This will sound horribly conceited but the squares I did were the nicest - my best friend did squares and they weren't even a centimeter square!! I'm totally going to razz her on that one. My second batch cooked a touch too long but I didn't use as many of those.

We're off to see the Christmas train tonight. I told Bob that I had very low expectations and that I figured the whole thing would be lame. I personally think this is a good way to go into something. Things can only go up - right?

Sorry, I'm rushing because I was going to post earlier but my stupid laptop won't find the wireless signal which makes C-Rex stomp her feet and get growly. I'm on the PC but the chair isn't working wonders for my back.

After much icing then heating and tonight I bought some back pain medicine that's behind the pharmacist's desk, I'm starting to feel normal. I know better than to lift anything but at least the constant pain part may have passed. Squuuueeeeee!!

It would be better if I didn't have to sit at my PC since I have a fancy-schmancy laptop - right, I mentioned that.

So I'm soon off to bed without a book being read. (I'm channeling Dr. Suess but that's all I got)

Tomorrow night is D-night and I'm scared. I plan on gorging tonight. Mmmm, food.

And finally, for those of you interested there is an ATBF column where we divulge the secrets of the cadbur - wait! no, no, we divulge the extended list of romances from the Top 100. You can go here to read it and here to comment.

AND Goodnight!

I Am Not A Liar!

Being the forgetful monkey I am, I was reminded of a baking party I was invited to on Monday.

The irony is pouring itself on a bit thick around here.

On Tuesday the Christmas train rolls into town and Bob wants to go and see it. I figured what the hell, maybe the Christmas Spirit will roll in with it and I won't have to hunt it down and shoot it like most years.

So Wednesday night is D-day for Weight Watchers.

With that in mind I have been watching what I eat. I have watched two cokes get poured, four cookies hit the hatch and some fries and gravy. Can't wait to see what Bob'll help me with when he gets up. I'm thinking breakfast of champions at our favourite restaurant. (When I did WW years ago I discovered very early on that our Saturday morning breakfasts used up all the days allotted points so unless I wanted to eat air for the rest of the day I had to stop. And we did. We go very rarely now but I'm thinking it's called for this weekend!)

The pop is going to kill me. Bob 'splits' things with me so even though I will pour two cokes, I'm not really drinking two. Still, I'm not sure what I am drinking but when Bob went to reach for the pop (I take lots of ice and drinks when we're shopping so when we get back to the car we can soothe the parched throats from shopping malls and their dry air to help force their patrons to buys drinks - ooooops, there's my conspiracy nut hanging) and it was empty - I turned to him and said, 'I'm not going to be counting those kind of points! You totally hooved (as in Hoover) that down.' To which I get 'It wasn't me Hoove!'

I'm just saying. Someone has to count those points!

I told Bob no chocolate or anything sweet for Christmas (I usually get sugar overload from people - seriously, quit buying the fat people on your list chocolates. We'll eat them but we'll be cursing you the whole time)

I would update you on my back but I'm dodging the Irony gods, the 'Ohnoyoudinit' gods and the Careful What You Wish for gods.

So on a completely different topic all together, those stick on heat pads are fantabulous! Except for the one that left a huge red mark on my skin. It did help me to place the new stick on though.

Enough jibber-jab, off to try and read. Oh look! It's 5am already? I'm thinking breakfast will be soon so maybe I should go and watch more bad TV.

Blergh.

Lock and Load

You guys ROCK!!

I will weigh in on Monday and join a Weight Watchers meeting thingie ( the meetings are important for me - I gained my weight back after I stopped going). That way I get one more weekend of sloth and gluttony before I bring the pain.

I told Bob tonight and he is always supportive but he's worried because it's before the holidays. Unlike most people, I might eat more turkey, potatoes and such at Christmas but I don't eat nearly as many sweets as I think other people get roped into eating. Since I have so much anxiety around food and Christmas anyways, I eat less of the junk and more of the good stuff. Even so, I won't beat myself up if I gain weight over that week. It's just gotta end.

Also, I can't wait until the New Year to start losing weight. I get something in my brain and I have to act while my feet will still follow the path. I give myself an out and I'll take it and then some. Like, 'Oh, I meant New Years 2020'.

Holly and Mollie and anyone else, if you want to play then climb aboard but I'm not a pressure kind of gal and know all about the food demons.

Holly, isn't if awful when you have been so good with your food choices only to not lose weight. Course gaining 10 lbs while eating just fruit and yogurt?!! I would have taken out a small village in my rage.

And no one worry, but my back is much more painful that it was the last few days. Most of my friends (and Bob) have had huge ordeals with their backs and although I was sympathetic I just didn't 'get' it.

Sue told me I had to ice my back as well as putting heat on it - she used to get - I wanna say cortizone shots - directly into her spine to relieve the pain. The last time her back went out she ended up on morphine (she was pregnant) and it was the craziest thing I had ever seen. I would go and visit her and her legs would twitch (from the pinched nerve) while her eyes were rolling into the back of her head.

Meanwhile my best bud had a bad back because her breasts were too big for her frame. She had breast reduction surgery about 6 years ago but her back will probably never be right. She told me it had to be 'hot' on my back.

Both said to get some drugs. Yeah. Just what I need. More crap in the old system.

I'll get Bob to pick me something up tomorrow and I already have a Doc's appointment for Monday so unless this gets drastically worse I'll hang in. I'm putting on heating patches before going to bed later.

Maybe I'll wake up pain free.

Hey, if you're going to dream, dream BIG!

Maybe Better

I'm going to head off to read some but thought I would let you guys know I'm fine.

My back is tender but nothing that should send me anywhere medical. (I'm being vague so I don't incur some sort of kick back from the Fates)

At this moment my stomach hurts more than my back and I foresee a tough hour of intestinal distress coming straight for me. Corn chips are not my friend.

So, uh, I've been thinking for a while that it's time for me to lose weight.

Ho-kay.

How's everyone feeling? I'm the only one wanting to puke?

Geez, talk about anxiety.

The plan is tell no one in *real life* except for Bob cause poor bastard is going to be doing the diet with me. Weight Watchers worked for me before and I'm sure it can work again *fingers crossed* but it's just getting my butt in gear and taking the leap.

I've been making excuses like 'my meds cause weight gain'. They do but, uh, no. I eat stupid.

Then there is my fear of trying and discovering I can't lose weight.

Queue death knell.

Let's not start with the fact that I have a lot of weight to lose. This ain't no twenty pounder we're talking about!

Right. I'm on the cusp of erasing this and pretending I never wrote this. So I'm going to publish with no checking so it's out there. Then maybe I can deal with it.

Yeah. I can - okay, I'm totally stalling.

Sympathy?

I'm a dumbass.

No, it's okay, I can handle it.

Actually, all you smart people can tell me if I'm right in thinking this is ironic.

Since we are renovating the den, the TV was moved to our living room while our super comfy couch was put upstairs. I'm thinking it's been about 30 days since I last sat on our comfy couch and have instead been forced to sit and watch TV on our leather sofa.

This morning on my way to bed I realized that I had a pain in the middle of my back right on my spine. It was a familiar ache that I remembered from the old house and it struck me that the arm of our leather sofa happened to hit me in exactly that spot while lounging. Huh. That damn arm has been the cause of a back that always felt like it just needed to crack. A good twist and crack and spla-dow, all better. Only my back rarely if ever cracks and it's not a great feeling.

So there I am this morning dragging my pitiful self to bed and I tell Bob that I won't be sitting on the leather sofa again. Hell no. The furniture needed to be moved around.

Don't get ahead of me now.

Tonight I get up and do my normal stuff and hours later, Bob is asleep in his chair in another room and I'm glaring at the leather couch in the living room. I'm so not sitting there!

I should mention that Bob moves our furniture around all the time and I have also moved our stuff but it's usually been on hardwood floors and the furniture has felt pads on their feet so it's kind of like skating.

So I go to move the leather couch.

Holy Lord!!

I have to move the couch across our area rug (something I had never done) and it won't budge. A couple serious heave-hos and nothing. So I wake Bob and tell him I need help. I get the 'are you crazy?' look. Turns out the sofa is damn heavy. No skating here. We get it half way across the room and I have to put it down. Something moved in my back but hey, whatever.

Off I go to move my chairs and ottomans. Huh. That hurt.

Again, my extremely high pain tolerance (go ahead, you can laugh) steers me wrong and I pick up our solid wood coffee table and pivot my back.

Taw-wing.

I've never 'thrown' my back out before.

Lord have Mercy I'm in a world of foggy hurt. I've sucked back a few ibuprofen in hopes of convincing the muscle in my back that it's not really hurt but so far it's just letting me live.

Another thing about people like me (anxiety/panic people) is that we don't breath correctly. As babies we are born as stomach breathers and that's the way it should be. You know that yoga breathing? That's pure health my friends. Anyways, turns out people like me forget how to breath like that and we become shallow breathers (chest breathers) and part of healing is to practice 'stomach' breathing.

Let's just say that I have noticed since hurting my back that I actually hold my breath when I'm in pain. I just stop breathing! Whenever I notice I'm holding my breath I try and release it without hurting myself but no, that damn twinge.

Anyways. That's ironic right? I went to move the couch because it was hurting the bones in my back but while moving the couch I threw out my back.

If that ain't irony, it's at the very least, a bitch.

Woo-ho-Meh

Woohoo, finally heard from my dad and he is fine!

Luckily my dad decided to go into work so he wasn't near the hotel or the protest (riot?). The guys who stayed behind at the hotel did get some tear gas after spray and there was a group who went shopping and they also felt the sting. I guess the men asked the machine gunned police - take a moment - if they thought it would be safe for them to go shopping. The police said 'Sure.' Tear gas and itching throats followed.

The machine guns would have been my first clue.

Reading?

Why yes, yes I am thank you. It's slow going but only because I am in an antsy/lazy frame of body.

Yeah.

The body is fritzing out and my brain is set on stupid but hey, one more week and I go to the docs. Hopefully things will start to look up. I'm more anxious (no, really?) but I'm ready for the mood to change.


I decided to get out of my box and try something I had just a hint of expectation from. The hint was from Caprice Crane's first book Stupid and Contagious which I enjoyed and gave me a few laughs.

I keep reminding myself this isn't a romance but I was 10 pages into the book and needed to look at the back blurb to see who the hero was. After reading the back blurb I'm hoping for a fun read but it didn't mention any men so I could be barking up the wrong tree.

I'll put the blurb up so you can see what's it's about. I'm hoping for fun but this could end up in a bad cliche pile up.

Nah.

Positive energy, positive - ah, forget it!

Jordan Landau is having a bad life. At twenty-five, she is attractive, smart, funny and talented. But all that doesn't keep her mother from calling her fat, her boss from stealing her ideas, and her boyfriend from cheating on her. Day in and day out, she sits back and watches as everyone walks all over her.

Then one day while riding her bike home from a particularly awful day, Jordan collides with a car door and is knocked clear off her bicycle. Coming to in the hospital, Jordan realizes she has a perfect excuse for a 'do-over'; she vows to fake amnesia and reinvent herself.

And it works. Finally, Jordan is able to get the credit she deserves at work, and she stands up to her family and her jerk boyfriend. She's living the life she always dreamed of—until the unthinkable happens. Suddenly Jordan must start over for real, and figure out what really makes her happy—and how to live a truly memorable life.

I hope you all are finding some time to read or watch a favourite movie. I'm going to go wind down and then I'll see what kind of mess I can get into tomorrow.

Any Other Day

C-Rex was leashed.

There was an anti-government protest in Kuala Lumpur Malaysia and the police broke out the tear gas. Since my father is staying in the city I'm wondering if he might have stumbled into this by accident. Then again, my father is always well informed compared to me and I guess there were warnings that this weekend would not be a good one.

Still, I'm worried.

Hopefully he'll e-mail us before going to bed - it's about 6:30pm there now and I sent an e-mail to him about a half an hour ago. I'll put Bob on alert when he gets up to watch the e-mail and hopefully I'll have worried for nothing.

I was sleeping this morning when I heard Bob ask me if my 'service engine' light had been on before we took the car in to Canadian Tire.

*groan*

The guy promptly told Bob when he asked why the light was on 'It was nothing we did!'

That alone got me out of bed by 4pm. All lathered up I was ready to take on the manager and then Bob saw me.

Bob: Uh, you wanna go out?

Me: Yep. Is the Canadian Tire service center still open?

Bob: No.

Me: *looking confused* The service center is closed?

Bob: Yep. They all went home.

Me: *and it dawns* They are open aren't they?

Bob: Uh, yeah.

Me: You're not going to let me loose on the manager, are you?

Bob: Mmmmm, no.

Me: Crap!

I was in fine fighting form too! My logic would have torn them to shreds. All that wasted energy. Makes me blue.

Nah. I'm fine (better mood lately but my anxiety has ratcheted up) but seriously, I would have loved to hear what they would have come up with as an excuse. Heads were going to roll.

Thwarted.

And good news for me but not so much for Ames.

I'm not alone and can now declare a slump.

I had been avoiding the topic but it's gotten ugly (I changed the numbers on the side board to note the DNF I had - Bad Cindy). I'm just not in the mood.

To sum up: C-Rex was waved off, Dad's in a city where some big stuff went down (and I thought I was only going to have to worry about mom!) and although I'm not alone, I'm in a reading slump.

I'm thinking it may be as bad as the 'Uber-slump' I had about 4 years ago.

Not good.

Not Socialites

One down, another yet to go.

We did the party thing last night and I realized that Bob and I are not exactly social people. We sat at a table for two and basically kept to ourselves which is really weird.

For me it was the fact that aging is crazy and I'm looking at my best friend from childhood with her two children and 40 year old husband and wondering when exactly everything changed. Also, my weight is bugging me so I wasn't feeling my usual loud self. Bob was just his normal, 'I will sit here and grant audience to those who wish it'. At our own wedding Bob sat at the head table and I was in the room mingling. He had thrown his back out the weekend before so I chalked it up to that. Nope. My man doesn't mingle.

Anyways. Tonight I'm feeling all awful in the tummy but it's not as bad as it could be. Just another sensation that's tipping itself at me and making me wonder what I should be doing to kill time.

On that note my PC has decided to kick out error messages that are making my teeth hurt. I've done the restore points back to the earliest I can go and still no dice. All this because I want to burn a music CD and the program that came loaded in my PC 2 years ago is suddenly not working.

So I'm thinking of resetting everything back to original settings. Which means anything I've added to the computer since the beginning will now be lost. I started to back-up files and my pictures tonight but realized I would have to save the tax info and e-mail info and really the list seems endless.

THEN, I remember I'm missing my Office discs which means I wouldn't have Excel or Word and really, that would be a huge pain. I know who *should* have my discs only they claim not to have them. No more lending shit out!

And Cody has extreme gas.

I mean, it's ghastly. *ba-dum-tish*

How painful was that?

Not even a fraction of the pain my poor sense of smell is feeling.

Oh, crap! I was going to talk about the movie Sicko but I can save it for another post. Basically, we don't get stuff for free, we pay taxes. Huge taxes. But I wouldn't trade our universal health care for anything else! That said, I'm jealous of the Brits with their fixed price on prescriptions. We're much like our American friends in that we pay out the nose for meds - we're just lucky that most of us have benefit packages that cover the cost. (Two of my friends with young children both had a couple of years where they had no coverage and buying meds was next to impossible - finally both have coverage)

And if some insurance company tried to tell me I wasn't covered because of a prior cold, sniffle, nose bleed, etc, well, it'd get ugly real fast.

And finally on the note of ugly, Canadian Tire may get a visit from C-Rex tomorrow afternoon. My car wouldn't start and after having the CAA come and boost the battery we realized it was the starter and not the battery. I have an after market automatic starter that was purchased from Canadian Tire so I suggested we have the car towed there.

Bobby decided to surprise me by getting my car over there today. He gets a call telling him the battery is stone cold dead. Uh, no. The radio was on, the lights were on, the battery is fine. Then I guess he gets hit up for some sort of corrosion cleaning service which of course Bob says no to. I'm already seething at this point in the story but the topper was the fact that they are going to disconnect the automatic starter but they aren't an authorized dealer so they can't hook it back up.

They sold me the &*^%^$* thing!!!

Six hundred bucks and my car won't have it's auto-start which allows me to start my car while in my warm cozy house when it's colder than a witch's ---!

Yeah.

The manager is going to be meeting C-Rex.

For the first time ever, Bob smiled when I told him that.

Decking The Halls

NO!! You're in the right spot!!

In the interest of gearing myself up for the holidays I decided to change up the template. Even though I like my birds I was getting tired of seeing them and Holiday Cheer isn't going to just show up. At least it doesn't here.

Side Note! - I was in the Christmas spirit in July of this year. Yep. Singing Christmas carols and the whole shebang.

Some of you are probably groaning because you just had Thanksgiving but c'mon, the real Thanksgiving is in October!!

*ducks behind furniture* Hey!! If you are going to throw things I'd like it to be green and used as currency!

*peeks over couch* Yeah. Thought that would get you to stop.

Where were we?

Right. Gearing up. Whatever.

So that's done.

Onto other things - this weekend should be a blur of painful activity for someone who bummed around in her jammas for the past few days.

Tomorrow night we are going to a surprise 40th Birthday party that I guess will have a comedian and such. Booze as a gift and a card and money for the Godson because his birthday is actually before his fathers. Two birds, one expensive stone.

Saturday. Huh. My mother invited me to go with her and my Aunt to the One Of A Kind Show in Toronto. Hey LinnieGayl - they have one in Chicago!


Backstory!

For those who don't remember (or don't know) it was 10 years ago that I last went to this show and wowzer - it left it's mark. I've had panic attacks all my life but they kind of simmered down in my early 20's and then WHAM, I'm in Toronto in a show with thousands of people and I'm panicking like someone is holding a gun to my head. My descent into Agoraphobia was swift but thankfully I went for help 4 months later. 3 years of hard work and I'm about as normal as I'll get and thus, I continue on.

Now I don't like to brag but my mama didn't raise no dummy. Crazy yes, but dummy, no.

Probably should have mentioned my 'family' doesn't buy into panic attacks. They're all in your head don't you know. So it's not like I'm going to pull honesty out of my hat and play that card. Hell no!

Luckily I wasn't home when my Mom called so she left a message on my machine that had me rolling on the floor laughing. Bob wasn't laughing and was all 'you are going to get roped into this' and I was all 'can't happen'.

Seriously, I think my mother could pull every card she has including the 'I brought you into the world' card and I would just say no. If push came to shove I would be honest and let her stew in her 'my daughter is a moron' drama.

It didn't come to that. I called her said something about the show and then said 'Have fun with that'. She took it gracefully.

What's funny is that I was thinking of asking Bob to take me this year to that show. I was thinking it was time to face it and enjoy something different. Then I remember just how pricey stuff was. I mean, it's the One of a Kind show. These are artisans and their wares are not cheap!

And then on Sunday one of my best buds is coming for a visit. Possibly. We'll have to wait and see.

Okay, I have rented too many movies and need to watch them before I have to take a second mortgage out for the late fees.

No more late fees my ass.

A Good Day

It just rained all day today and for the first time in months I just let myself be.

I went to bed around 5am and woke up at 2pm (have period and thus the pain woke me).

Got up showered and took some tylenol.

Ate some bread and butter. (I swear there are days that I survive on just that)

Pain eased up and I decided what the hell and crawled back into bed.

Bliss.

Got up when Bob got home and told him we shouldn't bother going out. He agreed completely so we watched the move License to Wed with my man Robin Williams and then some other shows later on.

I've been blog hopping and I'm soon going to get ready for bed. I think I'll go watch some of my favourite decorator show re-runs to wind down.

Turns out today was perfect in that I didn't worry about anything I couldn't change and didn't stress over things I thought I should be doing instead.

Felt great.

Wonder if I can pull it off again tomorrow?

Happy Thanksgiving to all my American Friends!!

Are We There Yet?

Happy Cindy is still on hiatus and hasn't left a forwarding address.

The bitch.

Things are in a spiraling-out-of-control mess of emotional drudge but we're working on it. By we I mean my doctor may have actually seen the light when Grumpy Cindy made an entrance at my recent appointment. I swear she can't hear what I'm saying half the time because I get a diatribe about how my anxiety will always be a part of my life.

Ah, yeah. No shit. Had it since I was 10 years old and I figure it'll hang with me until the day I die but this is about my 'I'm willing to kill you' attitude that has been dogging me for the past month and a half. I mean, I normally have a touch of 'don't mess with me' but wanting to slap someone in the back of the head while standing in line is sooo not me.

No, I wasn't in Depot.

Those are total gimmes. I have a right to smack people there.

Also the feeling of every thing being just too much. I already live the life of royalty (don't cook, clean only when I feel like it and pretty much get out of the house everyday with a great hubby) so feeling overwhelmed is just plain silly. And mopey. And mopey sucks butt.

So when Grumpy Cindy sighed and said 'Well, if this is me then I guess that's it.' there must have been something in my tone. I was definitely defeated and tired of trying to explain what was going on to my doctor, after all, I'd been trying to explain it for the last few visits.

It clicked.

She told me I was the one who was going to have to tell her if the meds weren't working and what course we would now take.

Ah, HELLO!! Isn't that what I've been trying to say for months!!!

Apparently I speak fluent stupid when I'm at the docs office.

So we have a plan. THANK you JAY-sus!!!

Plans make me happy.

Maybe some nightmares and headaches while decreasing the current pill and then a new mood pill. Mmmm, a better mood. I'm so in!

As to nightmares, the ones I had last week were so scary I had no clue what I had been watching to have such things. I hate anything to do with people on fire and well, my one dream was horrific in this account. So when she said I might have vivid dreams while weaning off I was all, 'can't be worse than what I have been having!'.

Let's hope my subconscious doesn't see that as a challenge.

With all this you probably already know that reading is placing about last place in things I can do right now. Reading can be too hard when my brain is in obsessive mode. Too much 'I should do some laundry, oh, did I buy such and such, crap, what time is it, will I be able to sleep today, I need a hair cut...' You get the picture.

Good news is I'm buying many of the Christmas gifts I've been needing to get to.

Bob is on his way home now and suggested we go Christmas shopping. Okay. Not that I think he knows what we need to be looking for but I can get out of the house for a bit!

And finally, a little fun for the dog lovers. I immediately thought of Ames and Max when I saw this commercial.

I'm Such A Nerd!

Should have mentioned in the last post my Dad is a Mechanical Engineer and now does consulting. The neighbour across the street is also an engineer and says he works more now than before he retired. I think this field is really booming but I guess in this case my Dad had to go to the head office in Malaysia to do the job.

Which reminds me I need to call my mother at a decent hour and make sure she hasn't gone into a fear coma. When my brother and I were young she would have us climb into bed with her when Dad was gone for a few nights. Six weeks on her own will either make her extremely jumpy or a warrior woman afraid of nothing. She said that maybe she would become like me and stay up all night and sleep during the day. I'm thinking that's a great idea!

I've just finished a 14 hour sleep. Yep. Not proud but it had to be done. Yesterday I was on the verge of a killing streak. Bob was teasing me and I turned and said 'you do realize I could wipe out the entire world population with a thought right now'.

Super Grump Cindy gets delusions of grandeur.

Now I want dinner and it's 6am. There isn't a place that is serving dinner right now!

Oh! Bob took yesterday off and we went Christmas shopping. I finally get to the store that usually has something different and there wasn't anything new. For an hour all Bob heard was how I've seen it all and there is nothing new and how I'm completely stymied this year for Christmas gifts.

Okay, I'm always stymied but the whole 'been there, killed that' feeling was horrible. I felt like there wasn't anything new out there and of course, no one will say what they want for Christmas.

Screw-ged!!!

Also, I'm not sure how much more of Promises Linger I can read. It's too slow and I need something happy and slappy and jivey to keep me from wanting to take a dirt nap.

No pressure.

If any of you have seen Happy Go Lucky Cindy could you have her report back to home base.

Beyond Reason

I'm well past the point of knowing what to do with myself. My sleep is all over the place and there are times it's all I can do to keep my eyes open.

Last night I went to see my Dad off - he's going to Malaysia for the next 6 weeks. You know I'm not a flyer but I don't stop anyone else from doing it. Thing is, I know my Dad just doesn't like it so I get antsy. Sure, my family tells me to get a grip but I've heard the stories and seen the results. So off he goes on a 20 hour plane flight. That's a day of being in a tube and my Dad figured he wouldn't sleep. Ugh.

Did I mention my father is retired? Yeah. This is his secondary gig.

So I'm thinking I should be around for my Mom over the next month and a half and hopefully that won't create a new fresh pristine kind of hell. I just have to keep saying 'It's not about me' and maybe I'll do fine.

Bob was upset by my Dad going also. He doesn't get it and has said to me numerous times since we all found out that he wouldn't go anywhere without me. Funny thing is I really can't go anywhere without him!

Okay, I could. I just feel better when he's there.

So yesterday I'm waiting and waiting for Bob to get home so we can go see my Dad. Bob's work is extremely busy to the point where we haven't taken vacation so I knew Bob had to do some dancing to get out the door. By the time he got home my eyes were burning with the need for sleep and I knew it wasn't going to happen.

Bob and I got home about 7pm and I crashed until 10pm. I only got up because I knew Bob was still up and I was thinking about the prime rib I cooked the night before and how good the leftovers were going to be.

Eat. Sleep and Poop. My sad motivation for most things.

On the book front I'm still reading Sarah McCarty's Promises Linger and I have to say, I'm very surprised at how tame it is. Right now it's really just a sweet historical western romance with some words thrown around. And there is a fairly detailed plot. Who knew?

I know, I'm slow on the uptake.

Watch, the next half of the book will have me racing for the shower.

AAR Top 100 Romance Poll is UP!!

The Top 100 Romance Poll has been published and you can find it here and then you can read the analysis here and then you can go and talk about it here.

Helpful little mite, aren't I?

By the time stamp you will see I am up and I slept through the entire night. I'm off to run a thousand and one errands that I never get to do so I will catch up with you guys later.

Have fun!

Seriously.

I don't know how I do these things to myself but it's 4:30am and I'm awake. Stupid sleep cycle.

Anyways, thought I would breeze in and say thank you to Kristie who inspired an online shopping spree at Chapters.

I ordered the BBC movie North and South which was why I ended up over there. Then I remembered some books my cousin's boyfriend wanted for Christmas so 'boom' I got that done and I ordered The Serpent Prince by Hoyt because of the buzz. Thing is I have a weird feeling I already own the book.

Yep.

Too lazy to go look.

Oh and I ordered Caine's Reckoning by Sarah McCarty which brings me to an inner rant that I will now spew out onto you guys.

I'll apologize now.

First.

WTF with the size of the font in some of these books lately. I have almost perfect vision and I have reading glasses to make it easier (they suck wood by the way) but my-lanta that stuff is itty-bitty to read!

I've just started Promises Linger and I'm already intrigued but just by the size of the print I know it's going to take me days to finish the book.

I have a challenge people!

I still have 17 more books I need to read before the end of the year! Since it's 46 days to Christmas and Bob has like three weeks of vacation he needs to use up that leaves me with - crap, more math - well, half those days to read. So 25 days divided by 3 because I'm lame (and by that I mean I'm a slow reader and I'm pretty sure I have to do all the wrapping again this year) and I get, 8?

Okay. Right. Stay positive. I can totally do this.

By the end of next year.

No, right. This year. Got it.

THEN, and again I'll apologize to my American friends whose dollar is not doing well while our Canadian dollar is way above where they thought it would go which many people are all 'yay' but it's really not good for export businesses who are taking a friggin' bath but you know, that's way too much reality for me to deal with.

Okay, where was I?

Right. Not only do I have to worry about commodities (Bob works in forestry) and the possible tanking of certain businesses, I can't even get a 'wazzup!' from Chapters!?

I placed my order this morning and saved a lousy 10 bucks on a 90 dollar order. Uh, excuse me? So I'm already pissed and then I go to Walmart because I have to buy socks, undies, you know the kit & caboodle and I stumble into the book aisle. Don't ask. I'm sure I tripped over an aardvark or something like that. Inconsiderate really. But there I am in the book aisle and there are signs every where and you know what they say?

We now honor the US price on books.

Holy #@%^%#@#&^%#@!!!!

For those of you not aware this is at least 2 dollars a book! Seeing as how I bought the equivalent of 9 books at Chapters I got ripped by at least 8 bucks. Lord Ha'mercy I just realized one of the books I bought was a trade and would have been like 4 bucks cheaper.

If they sold the book!

Add further insult to injury I run into the grocery store where there books are 25% off.

Oh! Oh!!! Get this. And seriously, this chaps my ass.

If you go to Chapters online it will give you this pretty little chart where you see what kind of savings you will now get.

The first marker is the 10 dollar mark. And by this I mean you get savings by the book, not what you spend and since most mass market paperback books are 9.99 they don't fuckin qualify.

HELL-O!

So I'm going to write a letter to 'Heather' (that's the owners name and well, they have this whole thing at the bookstore about 'Heather's Picks' - uh, don't care, don't know Heather!!) and tell her just how stinking rude her so called policy is.

I laid this all on Bob tonight and he was all 'write it, do it' and I realized I already knew the answer I was going to get. 'Hey, if you can buy the books you have on order at that local grocery store or at your Big Box store then have at it.'

Screwed I tell ya.

I have a thing about stealing (yeah, that's right) and they are taking the currency rate and stealing me blind.

Mad! I tell ya.

Obviously I need to chillax but if a whole bunch of other stuff is about to get shitty can I at least get a break on my book purchases!

Can I get a little respect. (Channeling Chris Rock right now)

I would cancel my order except it would mean I don't have one more gift off my Christmas list and honey, I can't afford to go backwards.

And on that note, I'm going to let Chris do some ranting. Not work friendly.

Juke Box Hero

This guy is totally my hero. If I had a kid I could only hope he would be as cool! You have to watch till the chorus, the boy can rock it.

Wack-a-Doo!

I think I'm making a dent in my 'to-do' list which is taking some of the pressure off and I'm looking forward to sitting my arse down and reading already.

Apparently there is 47 days until Christmas.

Hey, panic attacks are my 'thing'.

I got most of the leaf debri out of the pool and Bob will finish closing it on Saturday. On Sunday we have an over night guest coming and I need to get his room as 'pet hair' free as possible. Then I need to clean the 'go-to spots' in the house.

I'm hopeful by Monday the pool will be closed, I know my AAR work will be done (pre-mini-party!!) and I will just have to concentrate on buying gifts and somehow stocking our house with food. I have nothing and have been living on toast and peanut butter for about 2 weeks now.

Oh, part of the problem was Bob needed to pick a company vehicle which would have been fine if they had told us the dollar amount to look for. No, they told us the amount the leasing company would pay after rebates and blah, blah, blah. In other words, the price on the show room floor meant nothing and no one could tell us which vehicles would be in our price range. Add to that it's a fleet vehicle and the sales people scatter (no commission).

So there's two weeks of my life I'll never get back thank you very much.

At least it's on order now and I don't have to wake up, shower and fly out the door to multiple car dealers for the night. Hard to get normal errands done when your sleep doesn't allow for it. I'll post a picture of it when it finally arrives. I think Bob is excited about it and it's something I never thought we could afford and the employees are offered the vehicle after the 100k mark at the buy out so I'm pretty sure we'll buy this one.

Anyways, today I was too wired to go to bed and stayed up until 4pm. Finally crashed and woke up at midnight. Lord only knows what's going to happen next I tell ya but again, can't go out shopping at this time of night.

By Monday I should be back to my old, blogging self and hopefully a bit lighter in the 'holy Mary, I have a ton of crap to get done' department.

I hope you have all been reading great books because I'm going to do the rounds and start buying some books. Hey, I need some sort of a reward before I start buying a ton of gifts for other people!

Now That Wasn't So Bad, Right?

Batshit crazy showed up at 9:30pm on Friday night.

No warning. Just came out of no where. The bitch.

I'm sitting with Bob and suddenly I can't take it anymore, pick up the phone and call my cousin's house praying she answers. She's familiar with Crazy Cindy. Did I think up a reason for calling if my Aunt answered? Nope.

Guess who answered.

Ding, ding. That is correct.

'Uh, hi. How ya doin'?' Blah, Blah 'Are you going to Dad's for dinner tomorrow?' 'Of course.' (Why is it my brain wouldn't accept that 'of course' they would be there. It just wouldn't settle) 'Okay, uh, what time you going to be there?' Blah, blah. 'See ya there! Bye'

I get off the phone and turn to Bob.

Me: 'Do you think I'm getting more crazy?'

Bob: 'No, but that was weird. You knew they would be coming'

Me: 'No, I didn't *know* for sure and I wouldn't have been able to sleep and I would have worried and OMG do you think I need to change my anxiety meds and ...'

Bob: 'Okay, now you're acting crazy'

That conversation happened a few more times over the course of the night. And I was mad at myself for calling and I knew my Aunt would be wondering what I was doing.

Batshit Crazy Cindy don't like people looking at her funny!

So we show up at the time my Aunt said only Bob and I were the only ones. Uh, oh. Bob and I are usually second to last to show up. We go in and I'm fine but 45 minutes later I've decided someone has definitely canceled so I pop two of my anxiety pills. (Supposed to stop anxiety in it's tracks - I wasn't overly anxious at the time but I know to take them about an hour before we eat). Luckily the rest show up - hooray!! And I get to helping my mom with dinner.

We finally get everything done and we sit to eat and I realize uh, I'm loopy. With a capital 'L'! Normally two pills just keep me calm but for some reason these two knocked my on my ass. Again, since my family is known for their wine consumption I figure I just blended in with my bleary eyes. At one point I was sure I was going face down on my plate but nope, I was able to have two helpings instead. Mmmmm, turkey dinner.

Oh and get this. You all know my sleep schedule and I'm not sure what we were talking about but my Aunt turns to me and says 'is that why you called last night? To see what time you had to get up?'

Uhhhhh, YEAH! That's exactly why I called!

And she had a good laugh.

Phew.

So I was definitely mellow and in the end I worried about nothing but that's usually how the monkey on my back works. Bastard.

Next!

Lee, LinnieGayl and I are in the early stages of getting the poll results analyzed so it'll be at least another week of working instead of reading books. I have been carting around a McCarty book every where I go but so far I have read the first paragraph.

Yeah, yeah. Poor Cindy.

And once again I should be awarded the 'Power of Procrastination' because I have yet to close the pool. Every year you guys are riveted by my pool travails I tell ya.

You. Are. Riveted. (Don't burst my lame bubble)

I'm just saying. Be prepared for some stories of frozen blue hands.

Hopefully once the write-ups are done I will further amaze you all with reno pics of the house I'm living in.

It's a disaster zone.

I'm off to shop the internet for unique french doors for my dining room and den. I figure some shopping therapy is definitely called for!

Christmas shopping? Haven't even started. I'm pretty sure the nightmares are only going to get worse.

Any ideas for places online where I can buy something unique and fun?

Play Through!

Good news - our 30 year old concrete pool is not leaking and is all air tight so no crazy money needs to be spent. (I'm talking 10s of thousands)

Bad news - the leak is by the pump and I'm trying to get the company that moved it to come and do the work for free. Yeah. We'll see if that flies but seriously, they did the work wrong.

Good news - the AAR Polls are closed and Lee reports there is a light at the end of the tunnel. So far I'm in the tunnel seeing double. Maybe I'll see two lights soon!

Meh news - I'm edgy because Saturday I'm having a fancy dinner with my parents. If the extended family shows up it's all good in the hood but if it's just 4 of us I'm going to be chewing my panic pills like candy. I could call and find out if any one else is coming but if I know no one else is going to be there I'll start panicking now. I know they were inviting others but I don't know if they are coming. This way I have hope until I must absolutely know.

Anyone want to borrow my crazy for the weekend?

Didn't think so.

Fantabulous news!!!!!!

Bobby called me this morning to tell me that Chapters (Canada's big box book store) has announced they will be reducing prices by 10-20% because of the strength of the Canadian dollar.

YEAH BABY!!!!

It better be closer to 20 % cause some of us live close to the border and can do a hop over to the States!

So, uh, looking for titles to buy cause I suddenly have a burning need to go shopping!!!

Whatcha reading? And can I buy it NOW!! No ARCs need apply.

Happy Boo-alloween!!

Just needed to pop in and let you all know I'm working on the AAR Top 100 Poll and it ends tonight. So I figure lots of last minute ballots will come in and then there is the write up to do so I may be a touch strapped for time.

I did go out and buy No Rest for The Wicked by Kresley Cole because I'm a fan (note I didn't say fangirl - that honor belongs to only one!). I'm thinking that McCarthy book I mentioned earlier will be what I read next.

That's in between write ups and pool maintenance / closing.

Yeah. Our 30 year old concrete pool is losing water and I can't close the pool until we find the leak. We have the Canadian Leak Company coming today and they may have to do a 'dive' which would be FRIDGID!!!

I figure you'll hear this song adnauseum today but too bad!

Happy Boo-alloween