Lock and Load

You guys ROCK!!

I will weigh in on Monday and join a Weight Watchers meeting thingie ( the meetings are important for me - I gained my weight back after I stopped going). That way I get one more weekend of sloth and gluttony before I bring the pain.

I told Bob tonight and he is always supportive but he's worried because it's before the holidays. Unlike most people, I might eat more turkey, potatoes and such at Christmas but I don't eat nearly as many sweets as I think other people get roped into eating. Since I have so much anxiety around food and Christmas anyways, I eat less of the junk and more of the good stuff. Even so, I won't beat myself up if I gain weight over that week. It's just gotta end.

Also, I can't wait until the New Year to start losing weight. I get something in my brain and I have to act while my feet will still follow the path. I give myself an out and I'll take it and then some. Like, 'Oh, I meant New Years 2020'.

Holly and Mollie and anyone else, if you want to play then climb aboard but I'm not a pressure kind of gal and know all about the food demons.

Holly, isn't if awful when you have been so good with your food choices only to not lose weight. Course gaining 10 lbs while eating just fruit and yogurt?!! I would have taken out a small village in my rage.

And no one worry, but my back is much more painful that it was the last few days. Most of my friends (and Bob) have had huge ordeals with their backs and although I was sympathetic I just didn't 'get' it.

Sue told me I had to ice my back as well as putting heat on it - she used to get - I wanna say cortizone shots - directly into her spine to relieve the pain. The last time her back went out she ended up on morphine (she was pregnant) and it was the craziest thing I had ever seen. I would go and visit her and her legs would twitch (from the pinched nerve) while her eyes were rolling into the back of her head.

Meanwhile my best bud had a bad back because her breasts were too big for her frame. She had breast reduction surgery about 6 years ago but her back will probably never be right. She told me it had to be 'hot' on my back.

Both said to get some drugs. Yeah. Just what I need. More crap in the old system.

I'll get Bob to pick me something up tomorrow and I already have a Doc's appointment for Monday so unless this gets drastically worse I'll hang in. I'm putting on heating patches before going to bed later.

Maybe I'll wake up pain free.

Hey, if you're going to dream, dream BIG!

Maybe Better

I'm going to head off to read some but thought I would let you guys know I'm fine.

My back is tender but nothing that should send me anywhere medical. (I'm being vague so I don't incur some sort of kick back from the Fates)

At this moment my stomach hurts more than my back and I foresee a tough hour of intestinal distress coming straight for me. Corn chips are not my friend.

So, uh, I've been thinking for a while that it's time for me to lose weight.

Ho-kay.

How's everyone feeling? I'm the only one wanting to puke?

Geez, talk about anxiety.

The plan is tell no one in *real life* except for Bob cause poor bastard is going to be doing the diet with me. Weight Watchers worked for me before and I'm sure it can work again *fingers crossed* but it's just getting my butt in gear and taking the leap.

I've been making excuses like 'my meds cause weight gain'. They do but, uh, no. I eat stupid.

Then there is my fear of trying and discovering I can't lose weight.

Queue death knell.

Let's not start with the fact that I have a lot of weight to lose. This ain't no twenty pounder we're talking about!

Right. I'm on the cusp of erasing this and pretending I never wrote this. So I'm going to publish with no checking so it's out there. Then maybe I can deal with it.

Yeah. I can - okay, I'm totally stalling.

Sympathy?

I'm a dumbass.

No, it's okay, I can handle it.

Actually, all you smart people can tell me if I'm right in thinking this is ironic.

Since we are renovating the den, the TV was moved to our living room while our super comfy couch was put upstairs. I'm thinking it's been about 30 days since I last sat on our comfy couch and have instead been forced to sit and watch TV on our leather sofa.

This morning on my way to bed I realized that I had a pain in the middle of my back right on my spine. It was a familiar ache that I remembered from the old house and it struck me that the arm of our leather sofa happened to hit me in exactly that spot while lounging. Huh. That damn arm has been the cause of a back that always felt like it just needed to crack. A good twist and crack and spla-dow, all better. Only my back rarely if ever cracks and it's not a great feeling.

So there I am this morning dragging my pitiful self to bed and I tell Bob that I won't be sitting on the leather sofa again. Hell no. The furniture needed to be moved around.

Don't get ahead of me now.

Tonight I get up and do my normal stuff and hours later, Bob is asleep in his chair in another room and I'm glaring at the leather couch in the living room. I'm so not sitting there!

I should mention that Bob moves our furniture around all the time and I have also moved our stuff but it's usually been on hardwood floors and the furniture has felt pads on their feet so it's kind of like skating.

So I go to move the leather couch.

Holy Lord!!

I have to move the couch across our area rug (something I had never done) and it won't budge. A couple serious heave-hos and nothing. So I wake Bob and tell him I need help. I get the 'are you crazy?' look. Turns out the sofa is damn heavy. No skating here. We get it half way across the room and I have to put it down. Something moved in my back but hey, whatever.

Off I go to move my chairs and ottomans. Huh. That hurt.

Again, my extremely high pain tolerance (go ahead, you can laugh) steers me wrong and I pick up our solid wood coffee table and pivot my back.

Taw-wing.

I've never 'thrown' my back out before.

Lord have Mercy I'm in a world of foggy hurt. I've sucked back a few ibuprofen in hopes of convincing the muscle in my back that it's not really hurt but so far it's just letting me live.

Another thing about people like me (anxiety/panic people) is that we don't breath correctly. As babies we are born as stomach breathers and that's the way it should be. You know that yoga breathing? That's pure health my friends. Anyways, turns out people like me forget how to breath like that and we become shallow breathers (chest breathers) and part of healing is to practice 'stomach' breathing.

Let's just say that I have noticed since hurting my back that I actually hold my breath when I'm in pain. I just stop breathing! Whenever I notice I'm holding my breath I try and release it without hurting myself but no, that damn twinge.

Anyways. That's ironic right? I went to move the couch because it was hurting the bones in my back but while moving the couch I threw out my back.

If that ain't irony, it's at the very least, a bitch.

Woo-ho-Meh

Woohoo, finally heard from my dad and he is fine!

Luckily my dad decided to go into work so he wasn't near the hotel or the protest (riot?). The guys who stayed behind at the hotel did get some tear gas after spray and there was a group who went shopping and they also felt the sting. I guess the men asked the machine gunned police - take a moment - if they thought it would be safe for them to go shopping. The police said 'Sure.' Tear gas and itching throats followed.

The machine guns would have been my first clue.

Reading?

Why yes, yes I am thank you. It's slow going but only because I am in an antsy/lazy frame of body.

Yeah.

The body is fritzing out and my brain is set on stupid but hey, one more week and I go to the docs. Hopefully things will start to look up. I'm more anxious (no, really?) but I'm ready for the mood to change.


I decided to get out of my box and try something I had just a hint of expectation from. The hint was from Caprice Crane's first book Stupid and Contagious which I enjoyed and gave me a few laughs.

I keep reminding myself this isn't a romance but I was 10 pages into the book and needed to look at the back blurb to see who the hero was. After reading the back blurb I'm hoping for a fun read but it didn't mention any men so I could be barking up the wrong tree.

I'll put the blurb up so you can see what's it's about. I'm hoping for fun but this could end up in a bad cliche pile up.

Nah.

Positive energy, positive - ah, forget it!

Jordan Landau is having a bad life. At twenty-five, she is attractive, smart, funny and talented. But all that doesn't keep her mother from calling her fat, her boss from stealing her ideas, and her boyfriend from cheating on her. Day in and day out, she sits back and watches as everyone walks all over her.

Then one day while riding her bike home from a particularly awful day, Jordan collides with a car door and is knocked clear off her bicycle. Coming to in the hospital, Jordan realizes she has a perfect excuse for a 'do-over'; she vows to fake amnesia and reinvent herself.

And it works. Finally, Jordan is able to get the credit she deserves at work, and she stands up to her family and her jerk boyfriend. She's living the life she always dreamed of—until the unthinkable happens. Suddenly Jordan must start over for real, and figure out what really makes her happy—and how to live a truly memorable life.

I hope you all are finding some time to read or watch a favourite movie. I'm going to go wind down and then I'll see what kind of mess I can get into tomorrow.

Any Other Day

C-Rex was leashed.

There was an anti-government protest in Kuala Lumpur Malaysia and the police broke out the tear gas. Since my father is staying in the city I'm wondering if he might have stumbled into this by accident. Then again, my father is always well informed compared to me and I guess there were warnings that this weekend would not be a good one.

Still, I'm worried.

Hopefully he'll e-mail us before going to bed - it's about 6:30pm there now and I sent an e-mail to him about a half an hour ago. I'll put Bob on alert when he gets up to watch the e-mail and hopefully I'll have worried for nothing.

I was sleeping this morning when I heard Bob ask me if my 'service engine' light had been on before we took the car in to Canadian Tire.

*groan*

The guy promptly told Bob when he asked why the light was on 'It was nothing we did!'

That alone got me out of bed by 4pm. All lathered up I was ready to take on the manager and then Bob saw me.

Bob: Uh, you wanna go out?

Me: Yep. Is the Canadian Tire service center still open?

Bob: No.

Me: *looking confused* The service center is closed?

Bob: Yep. They all went home.

Me: *and it dawns* They are open aren't they?

Bob: Uh, yeah.

Me: You're not going to let me loose on the manager, are you?

Bob: Mmmmm, no.

Me: Crap!

I was in fine fighting form too! My logic would have torn them to shreds. All that wasted energy. Makes me blue.

Nah. I'm fine (better mood lately but my anxiety has ratcheted up) but seriously, I would have loved to hear what they would have come up with as an excuse. Heads were going to roll.

Thwarted.

And good news for me but not so much for Ames.

I'm not alone and can now declare a slump.

I had been avoiding the topic but it's gotten ugly (I changed the numbers on the side board to note the DNF I had - Bad Cindy). I'm just not in the mood.

To sum up: C-Rex was waved off, Dad's in a city where some big stuff went down (and I thought I was only going to have to worry about mom!) and although I'm not alone, I'm in a reading slump.

I'm thinking it may be as bad as the 'Uber-slump' I had about 4 years ago.

Not good.

Not Socialites

One down, another yet to go.

We did the party thing last night and I realized that Bob and I are not exactly social people. We sat at a table for two and basically kept to ourselves which is really weird.

For me it was the fact that aging is crazy and I'm looking at my best friend from childhood with her two children and 40 year old husband and wondering when exactly everything changed. Also, my weight is bugging me so I wasn't feeling my usual loud self. Bob was just his normal, 'I will sit here and grant audience to those who wish it'. At our own wedding Bob sat at the head table and I was in the room mingling. He had thrown his back out the weekend before so I chalked it up to that. Nope. My man doesn't mingle.

Anyways. Tonight I'm feeling all awful in the tummy but it's not as bad as it could be. Just another sensation that's tipping itself at me and making me wonder what I should be doing to kill time.

On that note my PC has decided to kick out error messages that are making my teeth hurt. I've done the restore points back to the earliest I can go and still no dice. All this because I want to burn a music CD and the program that came loaded in my PC 2 years ago is suddenly not working.

So I'm thinking of resetting everything back to original settings. Which means anything I've added to the computer since the beginning will now be lost. I started to back-up files and my pictures tonight but realized I would have to save the tax info and e-mail info and really the list seems endless.

THEN, I remember I'm missing my Office discs which means I wouldn't have Excel or Word and really, that would be a huge pain. I know who *should* have my discs only they claim not to have them. No more lending shit out!

And Cody has extreme gas.

I mean, it's ghastly. *ba-dum-tish*

How painful was that?

Not even a fraction of the pain my poor sense of smell is feeling.

Oh, crap! I was going to talk about the movie Sicko but I can save it for another post. Basically, we don't get stuff for free, we pay taxes. Huge taxes. But I wouldn't trade our universal health care for anything else! That said, I'm jealous of the Brits with their fixed price on prescriptions. We're much like our American friends in that we pay out the nose for meds - we're just lucky that most of us have benefit packages that cover the cost. (Two of my friends with young children both had a couple of years where they had no coverage and buying meds was next to impossible - finally both have coverage)

And if some insurance company tried to tell me I wasn't covered because of a prior cold, sniffle, nose bleed, etc, well, it'd get ugly real fast.

And finally on the note of ugly, Canadian Tire may get a visit from C-Rex tomorrow afternoon. My car wouldn't start and after having the CAA come and boost the battery we realized it was the starter and not the battery. I have an after market automatic starter that was purchased from Canadian Tire so I suggested we have the car towed there.

Bobby decided to surprise me by getting my car over there today. He gets a call telling him the battery is stone cold dead. Uh, no. The radio was on, the lights were on, the battery is fine. Then I guess he gets hit up for some sort of corrosion cleaning service which of course Bob says no to. I'm already seething at this point in the story but the topper was the fact that they are going to disconnect the automatic starter but they aren't an authorized dealer so they can't hook it back up.

They sold me the &*^%^$* thing!!!

Six hundred bucks and my car won't have it's auto-start which allows me to start my car while in my warm cozy house when it's colder than a witch's ---!

Yeah.

The manager is going to be meeting C-Rex.

For the first time ever, Bob smiled when I told him that.

Decking The Halls

NO!! You're in the right spot!!

In the interest of gearing myself up for the holidays I decided to change up the template. Even though I like my birds I was getting tired of seeing them and Holiday Cheer isn't going to just show up. At least it doesn't here.

Side Note! - I was in the Christmas spirit in July of this year. Yep. Singing Christmas carols and the whole shebang.

Some of you are probably groaning because you just had Thanksgiving but c'mon, the real Thanksgiving is in October!!

*ducks behind furniture* Hey!! If you are going to throw things I'd like it to be green and used as currency!

*peeks over couch* Yeah. Thought that would get you to stop.

Where were we?

Right. Gearing up. Whatever.

So that's done.

Onto other things - this weekend should be a blur of painful activity for someone who bummed around in her jammas for the past few days.

Tomorrow night we are going to a surprise 40th Birthday party that I guess will have a comedian and such. Booze as a gift and a card and money for the Godson because his birthday is actually before his fathers. Two birds, one expensive stone.

Saturday. Huh. My mother invited me to go with her and my Aunt to the One Of A Kind Show in Toronto. Hey LinnieGayl - they have one in Chicago!


Backstory!

For those who don't remember (or don't know) it was 10 years ago that I last went to this show and wowzer - it left it's mark. I've had panic attacks all my life but they kind of simmered down in my early 20's and then WHAM, I'm in Toronto in a show with thousands of people and I'm panicking like someone is holding a gun to my head. My descent into Agoraphobia was swift but thankfully I went for help 4 months later. 3 years of hard work and I'm about as normal as I'll get and thus, I continue on.

Now I don't like to brag but my mama didn't raise no dummy. Crazy yes, but dummy, no.

Probably should have mentioned my 'family' doesn't buy into panic attacks. They're all in your head don't you know. So it's not like I'm going to pull honesty out of my hat and play that card. Hell no!

Luckily I wasn't home when my Mom called so she left a message on my machine that had me rolling on the floor laughing. Bob wasn't laughing and was all 'you are going to get roped into this' and I was all 'can't happen'.

Seriously, I think my mother could pull every card she has including the 'I brought you into the world' card and I would just say no. If push came to shove I would be honest and let her stew in her 'my daughter is a moron' drama.

It didn't come to that. I called her said something about the show and then said 'Have fun with that'. She took it gracefully.

What's funny is that I was thinking of asking Bob to take me this year to that show. I was thinking it was time to face it and enjoy something different. Then I remember just how pricey stuff was. I mean, it's the One of a Kind show. These are artisans and their wares are not cheap!

And then on Sunday one of my best buds is coming for a visit. Possibly. We'll have to wait and see.

Okay, I have rented too many movies and need to watch them before I have to take a second mortgage out for the late fees.

No more late fees my ass.

A Good Day

It just rained all day today and for the first time in months I just let myself be.

I went to bed around 5am and woke up at 2pm (have period and thus the pain woke me).

Got up showered and took some tylenol.

Ate some bread and butter. (I swear there are days that I survive on just that)

Pain eased up and I decided what the hell and crawled back into bed.

Bliss.

Got up when Bob got home and told him we shouldn't bother going out. He agreed completely so we watched the move License to Wed with my man Robin Williams and then some other shows later on.

I've been blog hopping and I'm soon going to get ready for bed. I think I'll go watch some of my favourite decorator show re-runs to wind down.

Turns out today was perfect in that I didn't worry about anything I couldn't change and didn't stress over things I thought I should be doing instead.

Felt great.

Wonder if I can pull it off again tomorrow?

Happy Thanksgiving to all my American Friends!!

Are We There Yet?

Happy Cindy is still on hiatus and hasn't left a forwarding address.

The bitch.

Things are in a spiraling-out-of-control mess of emotional drudge but we're working on it. By we I mean my doctor may have actually seen the light when Grumpy Cindy made an entrance at my recent appointment. I swear she can't hear what I'm saying half the time because I get a diatribe about how my anxiety will always be a part of my life.

Ah, yeah. No shit. Had it since I was 10 years old and I figure it'll hang with me until the day I die but this is about my 'I'm willing to kill you' attitude that has been dogging me for the past month and a half. I mean, I normally have a touch of 'don't mess with me' but wanting to slap someone in the back of the head while standing in line is sooo not me.

No, I wasn't in Depot.

Those are total gimmes. I have a right to smack people there.

Also the feeling of every thing being just too much. I already live the life of royalty (don't cook, clean only when I feel like it and pretty much get out of the house everyday with a great hubby) so feeling overwhelmed is just plain silly. And mopey. And mopey sucks butt.

So when Grumpy Cindy sighed and said 'Well, if this is me then I guess that's it.' there must have been something in my tone. I was definitely defeated and tired of trying to explain what was going on to my doctor, after all, I'd been trying to explain it for the last few visits.

It clicked.

She told me I was the one who was going to have to tell her if the meds weren't working and what course we would now take.

Ah, HELLO!! Isn't that what I've been trying to say for months!!!

Apparently I speak fluent stupid when I'm at the docs office.

So we have a plan. THANK you JAY-sus!!!

Plans make me happy.

Maybe some nightmares and headaches while decreasing the current pill and then a new mood pill. Mmmm, a better mood. I'm so in!

As to nightmares, the ones I had last week were so scary I had no clue what I had been watching to have such things. I hate anything to do with people on fire and well, my one dream was horrific in this account. So when she said I might have vivid dreams while weaning off I was all, 'can't be worse than what I have been having!'.

Let's hope my subconscious doesn't see that as a challenge.

With all this you probably already know that reading is placing about last place in things I can do right now. Reading can be too hard when my brain is in obsessive mode. Too much 'I should do some laundry, oh, did I buy such and such, crap, what time is it, will I be able to sleep today, I need a hair cut...' You get the picture.

Good news is I'm buying many of the Christmas gifts I've been needing to get to.

Bob is on his way home now and suggested we go Christmas shopping. Okay. Not that I think he knows what we need to be looking for but I can get out of the house for a bit!

And finally, a little fun for the dog lovers. I immediately thought of Ames and Max when I saw this commercial.

I'm Such A Nerd!

Should have mentioned in the last post my Dad is a Mechanical Engineer and now does consulting. The neighbour across the street is also an engineer and says he works more now than before he retired. I think this field is really booming but I guess in this case my Dad had to go to the head office in Malaysia to do the job.

Which reminds me I need to call my mother at a decent hour and make sure she hasn't gone into a fear coma. When my brother and I were young she would have us climb into bed with her when Dad was gone for a few nights. Six weeks on her own will either make her extremely jumpy or a warrior woman afraid of nothing. She said that maybe she would become like me and stay up all night and sleep during the day. I'm thinking that's a great idea!

I've just finished a 14 hour sleep. Yep. Not proud but it had to be done. Yesterday I was on the verge of a killing streak. Bob was teasing me and I turned and said 'you do realize I could wipe out the entire world population with a thought right now'.

Super Grump Cindy gets delusions of grandeur.

Now I want dinner and it's 6am. There isn't a place that is serving dinner right now!

Oh! Bob took yesterday off and we went Christmas shopping. I finally get to the store that usually has something different and there wasn't anything new. For an hour all Bob heard was how I've seen it all and there is nothing new and how I'm completely stymied this year for Christmas gifts.

Okay, I'm always stymied but the whole 'been there, killed that' feeling was horrible. I felt like there wasn't anything new out there and of course, no one will say what they want for Christmas.

Screw-ged!!!

Also, I'm not sure how much more of Promises Linger I can read. It's too slow and I need something happy and slappy and jivey to keep me from wanting to take a dirt nap.

No pressure.

If any of you have seen Happy Go Lucky Cindy could you have her report back to home base.

Beyond Reason

I'm well past the point of knowing what to do with myself. My sleep is all over the place and there are times it's all I can do to keep my eyes open.

Last night I went to see my Dad off - he's going to Malaysia for the next 6 weeks. You know I'm not a flyer but I don't stop anyone else from doing it. Thing is, I know my Dad just doesn't like it so I get antsy. Sure, my family tells me to get a grip but I've heard the stories and seen the results. So off he goes on a 20 hour plane flight. That's a day of being in a tube and my Dad figured he wouldn't sleep. Ugh.

Did I mention my father is retired? Yeah. This is his secondary gig.

So I'm thinking I should be around for my Mom over the next month and a half and hopefully that won't create a new fresh pristine kind of hell. I just have to keep saying 'It's not about me' and maybe I'll do fine.

Bob was upset by my Dad going also. He doesn't get it and has said to me numerous times since we all found out that he wouldn't go anywhere without me. Funny thing is I really can't go anywhere without him!

Okay, I could. I just feel better when he's there.

So yesterday I'm waiting and waiting for Bob to get home so we can go see my Dad. Bob's work is extremely busy to the point where we haven't taken vacation so I knew Bob had to do some dancing to get out the door. By the time he got home my eyes were burning with the need for sleep and I knew it wasn't going to happen.

Bob and I got home about 7pm and I crashed until 10pm. I only got up because I knew Bob was still up and I was thinking about the prime rib I cooked the night before and how good the leftovers were going to be.

Eat. Sleep and Poop. My sad motivation for most things.

On the book front I'm still reading Sarah McCarty's Promises Linger and I have to say, I'm very surprised at how tame it is. Right now it's really just a sweet historical western romance with some words thrown around. And there is a fairly detailed plot. Who knew?

I know, I'm slow on the uptake.

Watch, the next half of the book will have me racing for the shower.

AAR Top 100 Romance Poll is UP!!

The Top 100 Romance Poll has been published and you can find it here and then you can read the analysis here and then you can go and talk about it here.

Helpful little mite, aren't I?

By the time stamp you will see I am up and I slept through the entire night. I'm off to run a thousand and one errands that I never get to do so I will catch up with you guys later.

Have fun!

Seriously.

I don't know how I do these things to myself but it's 4:30am and I'm awake. Stupid sleep cycle.

Anyways, thought I would breeze in and say thank you to Kristie who inspired an online shopping spree at Chapters.

I ordered the BBC movie North and South which was why I ended up over there. Then I remembered some books my cousin's boyfriend wanted for Christmas so 'boom' I got that done and I ordered The Serpent Prince by Hoyt because of the buzz. Thing is I have a weird feeling I already own the book.

Yep.

Too lazy to go look.

Oh and I ordered Caine's Reckoning by Sarah McCarty which brings me to an inner rant that I will now spew out onto you guys.

I'll apologize now.

First.

WTF with the size of the font in some of these books lately. I have almost perfect vision and I have reading glasses to make it easier (they suck wood by the way) but my-lanta that stuff is itty-bitty to read!

I've just started Promises Linger and I'm already intrigued but just by the size of the print I know it's going to take me days to finish the book.

I have a challenge people!

I still have 17 more books I need to read before the end of the year! Since it's 46 days to Christmas and Bob has like three weeks of vacation he needs to use up that leaves me with - crap, more math - well, half those days to read. So 25 days divided by 3 because I'm lame (and by that I mean I'm a slow reader and I'm pretty sure I have to do all the wrapping again this year) and I get, 8?

Okay. Right. Stay positive. I can totally do this.

By the end of next year.

No, right. This year. Got it.

THEN, and again I'll apologize to my American friends whose dollar is not doing well while our Canadian dollar is way above where they thought it would go which many people are all 'yay' but it's really not good for export businesses who are taking a friggin' bath but you know, that's way too much reality for me to deal with.

Okay, where was I?

Right. Not only do I have to worry about commodities (Bob works in forestry) and the possible tanking of certain businesses, I can't even get a 'wazzup!' from Chapters!?

I placed my order this morning and saved a lousy 10 bucks on a 90 dollar order. Uh, excuse me? So I'm already pissed and then I go to Walmart because I have to buy socks, undies, you know the kit & caboodle and I stumble into the book aisle. Don't ask. I'm sure I tripped over an aardvark or something like that. Inconsiderate really. But there I am in the book aisle and there are signs every where and you know what they say?

We now honor the US price on books.

Holy #@%^%#@#&^%#@!!!!

For those of you not aware this is at least 2 dollars a book! Seeing as how I bought the equivalent of 9 books at Chapters I got ripped by at least 8 bucks. Lord Ha'mercy I just realized one of the books I bought was a trade and would have been like 4 bucks cheaper.

If they sold the book!

Add further insult to injury I run into the grocery store where there books are 25% off.

Oh! Oh!!! Get this. And seriously, this chaps my ass.

If you go to Chapters online it will give you this pretty little chart where you see what kind of savings you will now get.

The first marker is the 10 dollar mark. And by this I mean you get savings by the book, not what you spend and since most mass market paperback books are 9.99 they don't fuckin qualify.

HELL-O!

So I'm going to write a letter to 'Heather' (that's the owners name and well, they have this whole thing at the bookstore about 'Heather's Picks' - uh, don't care, don't know Heather!!) and tell her just how stinking rude her so called policy is.

I laid this all on Bob tonight and he was all 'write it, do it' and I realized I already knew the answer I was going to get. 'Hey, if you can buy the books you have on order at that local grocery store or at your Big Box store then have at it.'

Screwed I tell ya.

I have a thing about stealing (yeah, that's right) and they are taking the currency rate and stealing me blind.

Mad! I tell ya.

Obviously I need to chillax but if a whole bunch of other stuff is about to get shitty can I at least get a break on my book purchases!

Can I get a little respect. (Channeling Chris Rock right now)

I would cancel my order except it would mean I don't have one more gift off my Christmas list and honey, I can't afford to go backwards.

And on that note, I'm going to let Chris do some ranting. Not work friendly.

Juke Box Hero

This guy is totally my hero. If I had a kid I could only hope he would be as cool! You have to watch till the chorus, the boy can rock it.

Wack-a-Doo!

I think I'm making a dent in my 'to-do' list which is taking some of the pressure off and I'm looking forward to sitting my arse down and reading already.

Apparently there is 47 days until Christmas.

Hey, panic attacks are my 'thing'.

I got most of the leaf debri out of the pool and Bob will finish closing it on Saturday. On Sunday we have an over night guest coming and I need to get his room as 'pet hair' free as possible. Then I need to clean the 'go-to spots' in the house.

I'm hopeful by Monday the pool will be closed, I know my AAR work will be done (pre-mini-party!!) and I will just have to concentrate on buying gifts and somehow stocking our house with food. I have nothing and have been living on toast and peanut butter for about 2 weeks now.

Oh, part of the problem was Bob needed to pick a company vehicle which would have been fine if they had told us the dollar amount to look for. No, they told us the amount the leasing company would pay after rebates and blah, blah, blah. In other words, the price on the show room floor meant nothing and no one could tell us which vehicles would be in our price range. Add to that it's a fleet vehicle and the sales people scatter (no commission).

So there's two weeks of my life I'll never get back thank you very much.

At least it's on order now and I don't have to wake up, shower and fly out the door to multiple car dealers for the night. Hard to get normal errands done when your sleep doesn't allow for it. I'll post a picture of it when it finally arrives. I think Bob is excited about it and it's something I never thought we could afford and the employees are offered the vehicle after the 100k mark at the buy out so I'm pretty sure we'll buy this one.

Anyways, today I was too wired to go to bed and stayed up until 4pm. Finally crashed and woke up at midnight. Lord only knows what's going to happen next I tell ya but again, can't go out shopping at this time of night.

By Monday I should be back to my old, blogging self and hopefully a bit lighter in the 'holy Mary, I have a ton of crap to get done' department.

I hope you have all been reading great books because I'm going to do the rounds and start buying some books. Hey, I need some sort of a reward before I start buying a ton of gifts for other people!

Now That Wasn't So Bad, Right?

Batshit crazy showed up at 9:30pm on Friday night.

No warning. Just came out of no where. The bitch.

I'm sitting with Bob and suddenly I can't take it anymore, pick up the phone and call my cousin's house praying she answers. She's familiar with Crazy Cindy. Did I think up a reason for calling if my Aunt answered? Nope.

Guess who answered.

Ding, ding. That is correct.

'Uh, hi. How ya doin'?' Blah, Blah 'Are you going to Dad's for dinner tomorrow?' 'Of course.' (Why is it my brain wouldn't accept that 'of course' they would be there. It just wouldn't settle) 'Okay, uh, what time you going to be there?' Blah, blah. 'See ya there! Bye'

I get off the phone and turn to Bob.

Me: 'Do you think I'm getting more crazy?'

Bob: 'No, but that was weird. You knew they would be coming'

Me: 'No, I didn't *know* for sure and I wouldn't have been able to sleep and I would have worried and OMG do you think I need to change my anxiety meds and ...'

Bob: 'Okay, now you're acting crazy'

That conversation happened a few more times over the course of the night. And I was mad at myself for calling and I knew my Aunt would be wondering what I was doing.

Batshit Crazy Cindy don't like people looking at her funny!

So we show up at the time my Aunt said only Bob and I were the only ones. Uh, oh. Bob and I are usually second to last to show up. We go in and I'm fine but 45 minutes later I've decided someone has definitely canceled so I pop two of my anxiety pills. (Supposed to stop anxiety in it's tracks - I wasn't overly anxious at the time but I know to take them about an hour before we eat). Luckily the rest show up - hooray!! And I get to helping my mom with dinner.

We finally get everything done and we sit to eat and I realize uh, I'm loopy. With a capital 'L'! Normally two pills just keep me calm but for some reason these two knocked my on my ass. Again, since my family is known for their wine consumption I figure I just blended in with my bleary eyes. At one point I was sure I was going face down on my plate but nope, I was able to have two helpings instead. Mmmmm, turkey dinner.

Oh and get this. You all know my sleep schedule and I'm not sure what we were talking about but my Aunt turns to me and says 'is that why you called last night? To see what time you had to get up?'

Uhhhhh, YEAH! That's exactly why I called!

And she had a good laugh.

Phew.

So I was definitely mellow and in the end I worried about nothing but that's usually how the monkey on my back works. Bastard.

Next!

Lee, LinnieGayl and I are in the early stages of getting the poll results analyzed so it'll be at least another week of working instead of reading books. I have been carting around a McCarty book every where I go but so far I have read the first paragraph.

Yeah, yeah. Poor Cindy.

And once again I should be awarded the 'Power of Procrastination' because I have yet to close the pool. Every year you guys are riveted by my pool travails I tell ya.

You. Are. Riveted. (Don't burst my lame bubble)

I'm just saying. Be prepared for some stories of frozen blue hands.

Hopefully once the write-ups are done I will further amaze you all with reno pics of the house I'm living in.

It's a disaster zone.

I'm off to shop the internet for unique french doors for my dining room and den. I figure some shopping therapy is definitely called for!

Christmas shopping? Haven't even started. I'm pretty sure the nightmares are only going to get worse.

Any ideas for places online where I can buy something unique and fun?

Play Through!

Good news - our 30 year old concrete pool is not leaking and is all air tight so no crazy money needs to be spent. (I'm talking 10s of thousands)

Bad news - the leak is by the pump and I'm trying to get the company that moved it to come and do the work for free. Yeah. We'll see if that flies but seriously, they did the work wrong.

Good news - the AAR Polls are closed and Lee reports there is a light at the end of the tunnel. So far I'm in the tunnel seeing double. Maybe I'll see two lights soon!

Meh news - I'm edgy because Saturday I'm having a fancy dinner with my parents. If the extended family shows up it's all good in the hood but if it's just 4 of us I'm going to be chewing my panic pills like candy. I could call and find out if any one else is coming but if I know no one else is going to be there I'll start panicking now. I know they were inviting others but I don't know if they are coming. This way I have hope until I must absolutely know.

Anyone want to borrow my crazy for the weekend?

Didn't think so.

Fantabulous news!!!!!!

Bobby called me this morning to tell me that Chapters (Canada's big box book store) has announced they will be reducing prices by 10-20% because of the strength of the Canadian dollar.

YEAH BABY!!!!

It better be closer to 20 % cause some of us live close to the border and can do a hop over to the States!

So, uh, looking for titles to buy cause I suddenly have a burning need to go shopping!!!

Whatcha reading? And can I buy it NOW!! No ARCs need apply.