Super Fast Post

Just wanted to let you all know that Nalini Singh's ARC of Hostage to Pleasure showed up today. I want to take a picture of it and post it for you guys because the only ARC I've ever received was in paperback form. This is probably a galley copy (I'm totally guessing). It's 8 x 10 and you have to turn the 'book' sideways to read the print.

I've also realized that I need to wear my glasses as I think the type is smaller than normal.

I've only read about 30 pages and I'm totally completely and utterly in LOVE!!

If only my life wasn't going to be super busy over then next five days.

Bob will be off on tomorrow. It's the one year anniversary of Magoo's death (Bob's father) and Bob wants to go to the cemetery. I told him Magoo is actually in our den and he said 'I know'. This surprised me because he hates when I feel something 'weird' but he has openly accepted what I said.

Now.

I didn't say that he visits because I think he does - there is scent that shows up, it's not something I recognize and it's not consistent. I think Bob has translated my 'he's in the den' with the fact that we have his Lazy Boy, his picture up on the wall and a black lab print that was Magoo's favourite.

Anyways, tomorrow will be very busy, Friday night my cousin will come and stay for the night to help Bob with a garage sale on Saturday morning. I'm wondering if I'll get a wake-up call way before I want to get up.

Sunday we have our best friends coming up for a visit around noon - middle of my sleep cycle, but they don't plan to stay for long. We'll see. I'll have something prepped for dinner just in case.

Monday is a holiday so another Bob day and if it's nice out we should probably have my family up for a swim.

Tuesday I'm totally reading. Totally. I just can't wait!! I'll probably be stealing peeks over the next days. I haven't been this excited about a book since before Christmas.

Onto something completely different.

I told Bob tonight that it might be time for me to look for a new doctor. I'm feeling 'unheard' and when I tell the doctor what I want, she throws up barriers.

I'll share since you all know I have anxiety issues and panic attacks.

Basically in the past few months my anxiety has grown worse day by day. To me, this means my meds have stopped working. I can't get my brain to stop with 'obsessive' thoughts. These are the 'what if' thoughts that plague those of us with panic attacks.

Explaining this to my doctor she wants to refer me to an anxiety clinic. GREAT! I'll take any help I can get, seriously.

Thing is, she didn't want to change the meds. Uh, hi. They aren't working. Then she says what would happen if I went back on Paxil (worked fine for anxiety - went off them because I became depressed many years after starting them) and my mood was a problem. I gaped at her. Uh, you told me I could supplement with wellbutrin. My doctor nods and says, yes, that's true but I don't want to exhaust all your opinions. She then tells me I'm no where near exhausting my options with meds.

So. What's the friggin' problem!!??

I know myself better than anyone else so if I tell you something isn't working then it isn't working.

Anyways, we're changing the meds. It won't be fun because I have to wean off and then wean on. That means about 2 months of anxiety hell. But it's important to get well.

I hope the Anxiety clinic will have an opening sooner rather than later. The doc told me how another person went to the clinic and now wants to leave her meds behind because she is so much better.

She couldn't stop talking about this person. I felt like asking 'has she had anxiety since she was 10 years of age? Has she ever become agoraphobic?' I don't mean to belittle the patients pain because I know what they went through but there are more things to look at than just one person's response to something.

So my doc is on probation with me.

I told Bob this and his response was 'Don't take me down with you!!' Cause he loves my doctor as much as I used to love her.

Okay, enough whining.

Luckily you are all busy reading about the RWA bloggers to read my mundane crap.

I'm living vicariously through them.

I have to admit that I'm glad (and yeah, I'm not proud of this) that the weather isn't super warm.

I really don't think I could possibly handle any more jealousy.

Break! Break! Break!

Okay, peeps, bust 'em out.

We haven't talked about our 'Break In Case of Emergency' reads in a while.

What's that mean?

It's a book by a favourite (I'm talking hold the book to your chest and weep with joy) author that you just can't read yet. Not because you think the book will suck, you know it will rock your socks, but because you don't want to look at your TBR pile and not know if there are any keepers left in the pile.

It's a security blanket. A book that you know will pull you out of whatever tail spin you find yourself in. It's knowing that a book by your favourite author is still pending, that you haven't read the very last and now have to wait 6, 8, 12 or more months for the next.

I currently have about 4 books by Anne Stuart that I just can't bring myself to read and her latest, Fire and Ice is one of them. I also seem to hoard Lisa Kleypas and I think I've tricked my brain into believing I might have an old Linda Howard in the pile that hasn't been read.

And then! The pain of depriving yourself of a favourite authors book (Suzanne Brockmann and I had to have a break cause we weren't gelling) but then years later getting to pick up 4 or 5 new never before read ones all at once! Sure, the first 12 months were hard but after that it got easier and hopefully with some time and space I will renew my love of all things Brockmann.

The part that gets my goat though is that when I am in that tail spin, that dreaded slump from hell, I can't break the glass! It's my last resort and I'm too afraid to pull the pin. That said, I can easily pull one of these books off the shelf if I'm in a great reading streak. Not all of them mind you, but at least one.

Devil in Winter by Lisa Kleypas was the last one that I tried to hoard. I managed to hold out for a bit but then I buckled and loved every square inch of it.

So how about it? Do you hoard favourite authors? Do you have a section of your TBR pile that is only for the most dire of circumstances? Do you end up using that emergency stash when all things are stable or can you pull the rip cord when you need the safety net?

Or are you sitting there scratching your head and wondering what this post could be about?

Me and My Brain

Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is a noble art of leaving things undone. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of nonessentials. — Lin Yutang

Apparently I'm very wise and killer noble.

I'm thinking that's not next to Godliness.

NEXT!!

Here's a little sampling of how my brain can get me into way too much trouble. Okay, not outward trouble but the kind that leaves me struggling to just be normal.

I am currently reading a book and seriously, it's so not fair to mention the name or anything because this is all my shit and nothing really to do with the book.

That said, those who have read it may or may not have had the same mental image enter their brains.

1. The hero has been described as wearing cut off jean shorts with a black Tee and sandals.

2. The hero has shoulder length hair and a beard.

Ready?

Are you sure?

Anyone know a straight man who wears cut off jean shorts?

I'm not trying to be an ass or anything but the last time I saw a man wearing sandals and cutoff shorts was when I was in Toronto with the girls (Nath, Ames and Kristie) and the gay pride parade weekend was happening. Now those men love cutoff jean shorts.

Oh! And of course he's muscular so here is the image I have in my head.

I remember this image differently. I thought the hem of his smock was tattered but I think it's from the movie. Note sandals on feet. Note bulging muscles and tiny waist.

I should mention that this is the shape of the man in my head when authors use descriptions about how the hero's thighs are the size of the heroine's waist or tree trunk. I just don't find that sexy.

I was going to put up a picture of a real life guy but I can't find exactly what I'm looking for. I should also mention that my hubby's best friend who is straight does wear cut-offs but he's in his late 50's so I think he thinks they are 'all that'.

And then, this image popped into my head.

Yeah, the hero now reminds me of Jesus!!

Why?

Shoulder length dark hair and a beard.

This all hits me just before the sex scene that comes *good gravy I'm going to hell!* way too early in the book for me.

They don't even know each others names!!!!

And I almost had to poke my mind's eye out when afterwards (yes, I made it through the sex scene - stop laughing!!) the hero put back on his *gah, I can't take it* cut off jean shorts and 'toed' on his sandals.

OMG!! Is he wearing flip flops!!!

*sigh*

And that's all I'm willing to share at the moment.

I'm sure my OCD about the worms in my pool (did they fall from the sky? Why are they in the friggin' pool?) and having to scoop them out would have you calling the local loony bin to come pick me up.

I can't even drink my water right now because I keep thinking about them.

This joyful mess of a brain will probably continue well into fall because I'll have to change my meds which help me from obsessing over anxious situations.

They are also good at keeping unwelcome images from spinning in my brain while reading, eating or whatever.

Damn. Maybe that loony bin guy should come get me.

Anyone else get mental images while reading that they can't shake? I have to take a break from the book when the images get too persistant. Also, any mention of someone having to use a bathroom and I'm screwed up for about a chapter. That's just not information I need while reading! And forget about it if someone is sick - I obsess over whether they brushed their teeth.

Okay, that's enough crazy for today.

And The Zone Cometh!!!

Holy Hot Tamales!!

I won an ARC of Nalini Singh's Hostage to Pleasure!!

*throws arms up* Woohoo!!! *butt dance*

I don't want to put the back blurb up because Nalini (yeah, we're on a first name basis, we're tight like that) says there are spoilers in it for Mine To Possess. I have to admit to having a bad memory so I don't recognize the spoilers.

So if you have read Mine To Possess and want to read the back blurb and an excerpt from the book go here.

If you are hugging Mine To Possess to tightly to read at the moment then I'll just say one word for her up-coming release.

Dorian.

For those of you with a brain like mine, just a few more words.

The were-cat that cannot shift. The one whose sister was killed by the Psy.

Dark and tortured - yummy!!

To read my *cough* reviews (or fangirl squeeeing) you can go here for Visions of Heat and here for Caressed by Ice (my personal fav!).

Are You In The Zone?

I had my best bud up this week and luckily she is a reader like me. Although she calls romance 'chick books' it's all good. It's nice to talk to someone who reads the same way I do (or will again soon - see, positive vibes).

I told her I was in a bad slump and she laughed. Sweet woman. Anyways, she had mentioned on Facebook that she was too much in book world.

Damn. I remember when I used to be in the 'zone'.

You know when you are forced away from your book by work or laundry or cooking but all you can think about is the world you just left?

I remember reading Sam and Alyssa's book (Brockmann) and I was so immersed in the story that I started swearing like Sam. Every other word out of his mouth is 'fuck' and for a week afterwards I was stunningly witty with all the ways I could add it to a sentence.

Ohhh, I remember finishing my last exam back in 90 or 91 before the summer break and finally allowing myself to read The Secret by Julie Garwood. The opening scene will probably be one I will never forget and allowed me to quickly sluff off the school year stress. I sat and read the entire book in 8 hours (I'm a slow reader) - I think my mother forced me to eat dinner. It's one of my fondest memories which is weird but I remember my father and brother trying to get a phone jack or something through my closet - I finally got up and showed them how it was done. Yeah, I was all that back then. But hey, they were harshing on my reader buzz!

Then there was the Kinsale novel that had me wondering why the people on the news were talking weird. For a week I was oddly conversant in old English.

These books obviously took me out of my life. I was part of the story somehow and it creeped over into my every day life.

I have to admit that there are times I have worried that maybe I'm too much in the 'zone' and I know my best bud admits to needing to re-invest in the real world when she 'zones out'.

All I know is that I'm ready to enter into the zone again. I want to be taken out of my real life for a while. It was only as my bud and I were talking that I remembered the 'zone'. I've been so long out of it but hearing her talk about it reminded me of that special bliss that can only happen when fully invested in a great book.

So how 'bout it? You in the 'zone'? Familiar with the 'zone'? Outside the 'zone' looking in? How about sharing those books that have put you in the 'zone'?

Real Life Crap

You guys might have to remind me of this post in few weeks. I go for my three month docs appointment in a few weeks. It's about how I'm feeling, am I anxious, how's my mood etc. but I tell ya, I don't realize things fast enough.

I think that's why people who are stressed are stressed.

I love (Hell NO!) those helpful suggestions by - okay, I think this one was set off by an article on Yahoo news - to avoid stress. Uh, yeah. If I could avoid stress I would be living a life of complete spiritual, physical and mental stability.

You've seen the pictures. My waistline is not stable.

Whenever I read about 'avoiding stress' I wonder if it can truly happen. Are there people who live stress free?

All this to say my daily anxiety level is up. I finally figured that out today after 7 straight days of having plans. Today was the last day of worry but it's a Sunday and that's how my brain works. Monday to Sunday. I slept through Saturday's 'plan' but Bob let me knowing I was on the verge of a meltdown. Then my period showed up to create it's own drama and then a visit from people I don't really know and who, it turns out, aren't very chatty. My neurotic need to fill silence was obliterated by anxiety, pain and general coma like sensations and I think even Bob was a tad uncomfortable with the visit.

Ah well. I told Bob no more off the cuff invitations to people for the next week. I need some down time.

This means I have no plans Monday through to Wednesday and I'm feeling much better than I was earlier this evening but there is still this low level hum of anxiety under the surface. Me thinks a med change is a coming. I an not going through another December like last!

So I have to remember to tell my Doc that things aren't fine. Cause I tend to have a few good days and forget the ones that had me sitting bleary eyed with tummy cramps and outer body experiences.

Other than that, situation normal.

FUBAR!

Actually, I shouldn't wait another two weeks. I should see if the doc can get me in earlier but those damn telephone people keep her booked solid. There is a sign that says (I kid you not) to book your next appointment before you leave the office. Now I can see that for someone like me who needs to come in every 3 months but seriously, I'm not planning the next puke session.

Guesting - My First Time!

Over the past week movies have been the order of the day.

Turns out I had opinions and thoughts on them so I wrote up my kind of half assed reviews and luckily for me the Ladies from The Boob Tube thought is was okay to print.

So my first - wait! I guess reviewed over at Sybil's for an Anne Stuart novel - so it's my second time as a guest - I feel special!! And since I'm a sleeper, I decided on a guest bed for the graphic.

Go here if you want to see my thoughts on Vantage Point, Shoot 'Em Up and Awake. C'mon, you know you wanna.

Now, I just need to contact Nath and Ames and see what they are currently reading. Maybe I can do a guest review or a two-some at Breezing Through. Cause I'm feeling all sassy.

Anyone want to do a two-some with me?

Bueller?

I'll totally read what you guys are reading. Seriously. I need to crack the slump. I think the sound will resonate through the universe so if you hear something scary, that's just me. Breaking Through.

Ho Hum

I saw this over at Rosie's and I love the different colours and words you can get up at Wordle.

You can see the bigger version here.

Basically, I plan on going over there every once in a while and seeing if the words change. I'm glad the big words are Bob, Reading, Read, room and well, I guess I use 'just' a bit too much! It must only take words from the first page because Lazyboy is on the list and I've only talked about it this week.

(oooooh, just had a thought for how to use my word cloud)

As to life, I'm a glutton for punishment.

I invited the Godkids and their friends over this afternoon around 2pm so I have to be up and about. (I've been getting up around 6pm) It's now after 6am but I had to work late tonight and it was math, math and more math. Nothing like trying to hunt down that last numerical error and in the end, NOT finding it.

I'm trying to wind down.

Yep, not quite working.

THEN, I invited my lovely cousin to come on Tuesday and stay overnight to Wednesday. Shopping and sitting by the pool but I have to be up and about at a decent hour so I don't leave her all by her lonesome. Hey, she could stay all week if I didn't have to worry about when I got up! I mean, really, the pool is a hit with everyone that comes. She could have had a vacation at Cindy's Backyard Spa for the week but hey, one over night and then I'm euchred.

Reading once again heads into the backseat but gives me some serious grief and attitude. Maybe next week can be 5 full days of nobody but me.

Could happen.

Off to hit the bed and see if sleep can find me *please, please, please!!!*

Oh My SQUEEEEEEE!!!!

I'm not sure I've ever outted myself but I am a die-hard ABBA fan.

Die-hard.

But I so don't do 'shows' so I've never gone to the musical. Even though I know Bob also enjoys ABBA I'm not sure he would understand me standing on my chair, dancing and singing along. Loudly. Very, very loudly.

But I don't have to worry cause I saw this for the first time just the other day and hooted with excitement. Does this mean a whole new generation of kids will hear and love ABBA the way I do. Hey, I know they aren't deep but they can get my large sized fanny moving faster than anything else.

So here you go:




Meryl Streep totally sold me - can't wait to rent it and bop around the while watching the movie!!

And as a teen, there was nothing like Gimme, Gimme, Gimme a man after midnight - okay, here-



Well, now I got my Man After Midnight ;)

And last but not least:

Happy 4th of July Weekend to my US friends!

For Kat O+

Tadaaaaa!!!

This is a La-Z-boy. Basically a huge style-less man chair that reclines, can come with heat and vibration (which ours does and let me tell you, Bob can't get near it when I'm PMSing)

I thought I even picked a nice fabric and when it showed up I just about started to cry with horror. (This isn't ours, it's from their site but I now have TWO of these!)

We have our original chair and then Bob had asked for his father's chair and received it after he passed last summer. So I have a mossy green one and a bright blue one side by side in our den. Since I decided it should be Bob's room, I can let it go. But I miss sitting in this chair and reading while feeling heat and vibration coursing through my body.

I just can't seem to relax in that room and it might be because it's right in the front window of our house. Also, our PC is in there and then I think about surfing the web and well, work. So for me, that room has enough going on.

So I'm determined to find a nicely styled piece of furniture that is also cozy for the living room. The living room has no TV, or electronics and the room goes from the front of the house to the back so I can sit near the back of the house and feel protected and private.

I used to be able to read anywhere but I think I officially have to many distractions to pull me from reading nowadays. No wonder Attention Deficit is on the rise. I think even I am starting to feel overwhelmed by all the options!

AHAAA!!

You know I've been struggling with my reading and for the life of me, I couldn't figure out what the problem was.

Sure there are the busy times in life - today kids for the pool and BBQ and then Saturday the family for the day and BBQ (can I just say I'm sick of hot dogs and hamburgers already!!!) and the times when TV seems more important. And then there is the job (which is minimal but it does take up time) and my best bud who moved 3000 miles away so now we talk for hours on the phone at night.

But then I think of all of you and the jobs you have, the kids, the house work, the hustle and bustle of day time activities which are much different than night time. Shopping and errands in crowds would give me hives so I'm much happier in my nocturnal haze.

Then it hit me.

I have no where to sit and read.

Six months ago almost to the day, Bob moved his Lazyboy into the home office.

The home office or den, is so not for reading. Not sure what it is about the room but it doesn't work for me.

My reading room is our massive living room but I always sat in the Lazyboy. Good support for my back (doesn't happen in the other chairs), doesn't stink of - well, that's a different story and ... did I mention my back? Currently there are two couches (one is the leather one but I can feel the wood frame if I'm leaning on it like I tend to so not so good for reading and the other is Cody's couch and it's so out of here when the spirit calls him), two chairs with ottomans (Amber has taken up residence in the one I might sit in and the other is too close to the front door) and two new chairs but they are small and meant to be more decorative.

Let's not even start with the lighting in the room. I have one light that I move from chair to chair depending on where I want to read. Huge pain.

I can't read in bed or I would never sleep and my arms would fall asleep constantly and the loft/TV room is for TV and laundry and sitting with Bob.

So my task this next week is to find a new reading place. Or buy myself a Lazyboy.

Ow. It hurt just to type that. If I bought a Lazyboy I would never hear the end of it. So new place to read. Definitely something I must do immediately.

Oh, and I did mention to Bob that I was in a slump because he moved the Lazyboy to it's new place in the den and he told me he wasn't moving it back.

Mean.

I plan to retaliate by hiding his Home Depot credit card.

So where do you read? Can you read anywhere? Can you read hanging half off the bed (like I used to when I was 20) or do you need to have everything in place before settling down to read?

Now THAT Was What I Needed!!

Yesterday was Canada Day here and we had a great day off! Thanks for all the well wishes - I think they merged to make an awesome day.

The weather was perfect and the pool was the perfect temperature. It was so relaxing and to top it off, my friends ordered in a pizza so I didn't have any cooking to do. It was completely stress free and it was nice to finally enjoy some time by the pool.

Okay, it was stress free for the most part except for when I went to look for my wallet and couldn't find it. I looked every where in the house and then finally asked Bob to go look for it. (Bob can find stuff easier than I can when it's something I've lost) He looked every where also and had apparently already moved all the couch cushions and stuff. So I did another breeze by (remember we have company) but found nothing. I was a bit worried but I kept thinking that it just had to be in the house.

When our friends left we drove over to my Mom's to re-trace our steps. Mom had gotten home late and had found the light on the phone lit up meaning an extension is in use. Since she's the only one there she got freaked out and called over here to see if I had just called her. I told her we'd be right over and that she could wait outside as she was afraid to go upstairs. So Bob and I went through all the hidey-hole places someone could find and of course, it was fine. I've been there before, freaking myself out over something so we sat with her for a bit before heading out the door.

This was the point where she said 'Cindy, don't forget your wallet.'

So I knew I must have had it when we left her house but the days of the week play games with me so I went through her house again just in case.

So we drive home and I remembered walking in the door and seeing Cody on the couch (happy clean monkey that he is now - another story) but I didn't go and pet him because Bob wanted to go swimming so I headed straight upstairs. I go up and check the bed sheets in case I had put it on the bed. I go through the pile of clothes beside the bed (must do laundry) and finally remember getting my robe out of my closet.

Nothing.

So I'm standing there with my hands on my hips thinking 'damn, I really have to start calling and cancelling everything' when my eyes wandered over the shelves on the wardrobe and bam, I see a zipper.

I'm telling you I have never put my wallet in the wardrobe before but I guess I was in a hurry and just stuffed it in there with a plastic bag that had solar batteries in it but it was all balled up like it was garbage.

What a relief!

I have to admit, I was pretty blase about it until the minute I started thinking that I had to cancel every thing. So maybe a few minutes of stress and hey, in my life, that's nothing!

I plan to sleep most of today - no one to wake me up as Bob is now back to work and I can finally sleep without having to worry about where I need to be.

Talk about Bliss!!

Month end numbers couldn't be completed for work because their computers were down ( I figured out how to get the info but I have nothing to balance it with at the moment) so I'll have to do more work tonight. After that, it's going to be all about me for at least 5 whole days.

I should send a memo to Bob about that.

Nah. He's used to it.

Happy, Happy, Happy!!!!

To all my peeps who hopefully got today off!!

I hope you all find time to do something just for yourself. Like reading. Not so much for me, friends for a BBQ and swim and then I need to do my month end numbers for work. Month end is always the busiest. But that's followed by beginning of the month which isn't busy and Bob won't have another vacation until August and maybe just maybe I can get back to Strike and Rabbit and (well, seriously, the fact I remembered any names at all is impressive! And yes, I'm pretty sure I'm only one chapter in but I want to know what's next already!!)

And if you haven't already, my AAR pollster buddies are running a poll for Favorite Books by Favorite authors and would love it if you put in a ballot! Go here.

Here's a peek at the authors being polled:

Here are the authors we are polling for beginning today, June 19th. The poll will close at midnight, July 6th:

1. Sylvia Day
2. Tara Janzen/Glenna McReynolds
3. Kathryn Caskie
4. Katie Fforde
5. Jane Porter
6. J.R. Ward
7. Jessica Bird
8. Kate Bridges
9. Keri Arthur
10. Robyn Carr
11. Rachel Gibson
12. Carla Kelly