This One is About Reading!!

Aha!! Gotcha!!

No, don't you dare click out!

I'm about to begin my rantification (new word TM me) and you know how I love an audience.

Okay, screw the innocent here's the deal, I just finished reading Play of Passion by Nalini Singh - excellent, excellent book and I'll try and write up a Cindy review over the next few days BUT and this is where my brain turns to screaming:

I. CAN'T. TAKE. THE. WAIT!

No, no, don't leave yet because it's not just about Singh's series so you don't really need to know too much about it.

It's about those two characters in an on going story arc that you just want to read about RIGHT FRIGGIN' NOW!

Now luckily for me the characters I am waiting for get 'their (and I swear on all that is holy, it better be the 'their' I'm thinking about)' story next. So why am I bitching? Cause there were a few scenes in Play of Passion that had my two characters interacting and for some reason I got it in my head that at the end of the story I was currently reading the characters I really want to read about would have scene near the end that would create a major shift in the relationship to give us fans a bit of a sneak peek.

I don't know, I needed something more and because I was slavering for anything about these two I actually started to resent the last few pages of a, before now, excellent love story between two changelings.

So now I'm all antsy (and yes it's November and Christmas is breathing down my neck but still, I'm antsier) about 'my' characters.

And here's the rub. They aren't my characters. They are the author's characters and she is the only one who knows how their possible story will play out. But I want things to explode in their story, I want as close to crazy as these two can get and I really think they could get there. Just, does the author want that for them.

So it's the anticipation that can in the end, ruin a book that I'm so looking forward to that I'm trying to figure out who I have to bribe, kiss or steal a kid for to get my hands on the book - Sybil, you out there?

Okay, you've been patient so I need to know:

1. Can glimpses (or no glimpes) of a couple you really want to read about taint a book that in every other way was perfect?

Uh, Hell ya! But interesting enough, only with Singh. I remember the hearts and flowers I had for Max and Gina by Suzanne Brockmann but M&G interacted so much in the books previous that you knew the angst was building and it was more than enough to keep me from doing up a rantification on my blog. In the case of the book I just read, I would rather have not seen these characters interact at all than have three tempid scenes that confused me more than anything.

2. Are you so much more patient than I am. So many books. So little time to worry when the next will be coming out.

Obviously impatient. What I should have done is not read Play of Passion. I should have saved it and read it the week Hawke's book is set to come out. This is where my 'break in case of emergency' book stash comes in handy. I can hide a bunch of books I know I'll want to read sooner rather than later but I'm stoic enough to put them aside.

3. How is it authors know exactly which couple to keep out of the pages until the very last second?

Shit, I don't know! It's a friggin' gift I tell ya. Or the practices of a well versed sadist!

4. How many times have you been let down by an anticipated book?

Uh, yeah, I've mentioned two of them in this post - Butch's book by J.R. Ward where the man I had come to love morphed into something I didn't recognize. Huge, huge blow. Max and Gina. *sigh* they were robbed.

Okay, we've almost made it through and I have one thing that is making me a touch crazy.

What if Nalini Singh pulls a Brockmann where the couple every one thought was going to get together didn't? (Luckily I was not reading Brockmann at the time of the incident and for-warned is pre-armed I say)

For me, this all explains my blue feeling about finishing Play of Passion. I would have called it the great book blues but it wasn't about the book I had just finished reading. It was instead, a sad for not having the book I want to read in my hot little hands.

Hopefully I've made some sort of point out of all this and you'll find it and run with it.

Introducing Twilight

I've never in my life had a 'lap' cat but wow, you can barely get seated before this bundle of new joy jumps up and makes herself right at home.

<---- Twilight: What does 'shame' mean?

Amber used to get up in our laps but only once in a while, this little monkey is all over us but I'm thinking the explanation will get it all sorted out.

So how did it all start?

Bob was in bad shape. Okay, I was in bad shape also but I didn't think Bob would want to go see rescue cats so I didn't bring it up and I was okay with it.

What we weren't prepared for was Pixie's reaction to not being able to find Emma. That wonderful purring beauty that Pixie, if she was quiet and sneaky enough, could creep up on and curl into a little ball beside her and drift off into a wonderful sleep. I swear, whenever you found Pixie sleeping anywhere near Emma there was a little kitty smile of triumph on her sweet face. See, I mentioned before Emma was a diva and sharing the spot light was not going to fly and it was too funny to catch that annoyed look on her face when she woke up to discover her personal beauty space had been invaded.

But Pixie adored Emma. Maybe even worshiped her while at the same time managing to pull all kinds of kitten antics that drove Emma batty.

We realized we had a problem when Pixie started to search high and low for Emma. The final straw was when she crawled under our gas stove to see if maybe Em was hiding from her under there.

Bob's reaction was we needed to get Pixie a new best sister. I thought so too but was more on the fence about it.

Flash forward to us in the store looking at this 7 month old kitten/cat through little tiny bars. I opened the cage (cause really, try and stop me) and pulled out this tween kitty to see what she was like. Let's just say, she put on quite a show. I tell you it was like you could hear the litany of 'I love you! I adore you! You love me! You adore me! Take me home!!!!' Played over and over again. We put her back in the cage, our hearts still too raw and then it happened.

She reached through the cage bars and stretched out her toes at me.

Maybe I'm unobservant but I've never seen another cat but Emma pull that trick and never thought I would again.

Bob was cooked on the spot. 'She's reaching for you with her toes!'

Twilight: Shhhh, don't tell. ----->

One day later we were registered and getting all the information for her.

She'd been abandoned in a stairwell with her brother at 6 weeks. There was no real foster family to take these two in so the lady who is the co-owner of the rescue took them home and kept them in a small room together. She said she would go in and play with them but I'm sure with work, the rescue and life in general, these kitties didn't see humans too much. So from a baby to 7 months later this kitten had never had a home.

Which explains the first three days where Twilight couldn't stay off of us and seemed to have no control over her limbs. You would be petting her and her back leg would fly out from no where and she would fall over and then roll all over. It was quite funny but at the same time a wee bit sad.

Aside: She was named Twilight - I tried to explain to Bob that it was like naming an animal Harry Potter (cause Bob has next to no pop culture knowledge but he has at least heard of that) and even though he 'got it' he didn't care, he liked her name. So yes, I'm prepared to answer 'no' to the 'ohhhhh, you named her after ....' for the rest of our lives.

The other funny thing was watching her discover the size of the house. I'm thinking she must think she won the lottery and in little more than 3 days had investigated every nook and cranny and declared herself Queen of all she could see.

And it took her three days before my heart finally melted. It was just too broken at the time but I pet her and cooed to her and was grateful for her but I wasn't bonding as I have always done in the past.

On the third day I started to tell Twilight about Emma and I cried and told her I was sorry. And damn if she didn't stretch her toes up and place her paw on my throat.

I realized then that Twilight was a mixture of all the cats that had been before her.

She looks so much like Pixie that if she races by we can't tell which cat it is. She's called a delicate tortoiseshell and it doesn't show in pictures but she has the colour of Amber's fur running through parts of her coat. She's so loving she reminds me of Bob's cat Bunny who literally drooled while purring at your feet and she's eating like Winston used to (We used to say he was an Emperor in a former life as he had a regal air about him - until he heard the food dish, then it was everyone for them self cause he was coming).

Best of all, Twilight thinks Pixie is the bee's knees.

Pixie is not so enamored and instead of looking under the stove for Em, she now crawls under it to get away from the 'new thing'. But I don't pity her because she tormented Emma just like she is being tormented now.

<--- Pixie: Holy shit! When did she get here!?

And interestingly enough, if Twilight can get just close enough to that massive (and Lord Pixie is HUGE) fur ball on the bed, she'll fall over in contented bliss with a goofy grin that looks just like Pixie's once did.

Welcome home Twilight.

Gorgeous Emma and her Fancy Toes

Emma left us over a week ago now. I still get teary eyed whenever I think of her and I have been hiding from my blog because I don't feel like I have anything to say that would do her justice.

(This picture was during the summer when it was so hot no one could move. I found her curled up in Bob suit case and I imagined her saying 'that's it, I can't take this heat another minute! I'm out of here!')

Her final hours were not fun and I sat vigil for most of the night. She could no longer walk and would fall out of her bed and make to go somewhere. I finally figured out that maybe she wanted the litter box so I held her up and held her tail - for the tiniest pin drop of urine but it turns out she settled down after that. She lay on her side with her feet spread out in front and in back. She looked like she normally did when she was lazing the day away but I still cried and murmured to her for hours.

I was stunned and so touched when near the end I quietly told her how beautiful her toes were. She was vain about that. I swear I don't know how she could tell someone was talking about her toes but the minute you did she would spread her toes wide and flash her paws at you. For hours she hadn't had the strength to do much but the minute I told her how gorgeous her toes were she threw her front paw out as if to say 'you know it!'.

Emma was the baby of the family for 15 years. I still can't believe how much time has passed and yet, we can mark it with the loss of a large part of our nuclear family (Bob and I got married and I inherited 2 large dogs and 3 cats.) I miss the craziness of the house, the silly things that happen when you turn your head for a minute. So not only am I mourning the loss of Emma, I'm mourning the loss of Rocky, Cody, Bunny, Winston and Amber all over again.

Emma was a diva.

There's no way around it. The world revolved around her or things were going to get 'poopy' in a very literal sense. When she needed pampering she would find Amber and get her to bathe her until just that point where Em decided that was plenty, thank you very much, and she head butted Amber. We had to feel for Amber. A love session never ended in a relaxing nap. Nope, Amber would have to play her way out of the situation.

And Emma was not a 'dog person'. Or those beasts from the bowels of hell as I'm sure she was want to call Rocky and Cody. Poor Em if she happened to be between the dogs and the back door where their food was waiting. I saw Em get flattened a few times and for the vain one she was, that could not go unpunished. Too bad it was Bob and I that got the punishment but Em was not going to deal with any mutt.

In the early years I remember that Amber would head to bed with Bob while Emma would get up on the back of the couch and put her paw on my shoulder while I watched TV. Just a soft purring in my ear. When we moved the TV to the basement I lost that little delight as I said dogs were not to be tolerated.

That said, the day Rocky died Emma went down to the basement in our new house and touched her nose to his. Rocky was so out of it he didn't know but Bob and I cried to see her come and say good-bye. How she knew was beyond us.

I guess I think of Emma as a refined woman, dressed to the nines in jewels and fur who looks like she doesn't have a care in the world but deep down she has a heart of gold.

I miss her.

Just a Worry Post

Em is in really bad shape.

So bad I'm not comfortable with how she is doing but the vet wants us to give her some steroids and appetite stimulants and Bob picks those up in the morning. I should tell him to bring her to me while I'm in bed so I can get them down her. (Bob's not good with meds and his babies)

I pray that by tomorrow night I see an improvement because right now, Em looks like she's knocking on that door.

I want to pick her up and hold her but she was never really a lap kitty and I don't want to hurt her inadvertently.

Also, she smells of urine and sickness which makes me want to give her a small warm bath but Bob doesn't want her to catch a chill. I'm worried she feels horrible and is embarrassed about the way she smells. Although Amber was the one who would be mortified if she stank.

Every once in a while the kitten approaches her and chirps at her as if to say 'you ready to play now?'

I know you guys know I love my furry critters and my chest hurts from trying not to cry. I figure there is never a good time to make this kind of decision but tonight it's been all I can do not to wake Bob and say 'it's time'. I will give the meds 48 hours for a turn around. After that, my girl would be suffering and that's not acceptable.

On an aside: My vet has cost us 800 bucks over the past month with Em. Some of the costs were for blood work that needed to be sent away for virus results. That night I read about the virus Em possibly has and it said the best way to test for the virus was with the fluid they drew off her. So yeah. The blood results were negative and now the vet wants me to bring Em in to be drained again so they can do the 'right' test. Cause it's either this virus or bladder cancer. Guess what, same end result.

If I didn't already know Bob's situation with work I would have no problem with the (I'm sure) 200 bucks it would cost for these tests but at this moment, I'm not really sure of the benefit and Em would be taken from her home again and poked and prodded.

I do know the virus can be detected after death with tissue samples but Lord knows what that would cost. My only concern at that point would be Pixie and potentially any new kittens we would bring into the home.

Phew. Sorry it's dreary here right now but getting this written out really does make it easier to get back up and keep going. I wasn't going to sleep if I didn't get the mess and fear out of my brain.

Oh, fun side trip. The other night I showed Bob a kitty bed that is heated and Bob was all, 'we have to get that for Em'. I was thinking if she was in pain then maybe heat would help. We put it in the laundry basket she has procured as her own little slice of life but I wasn't sure she was happy about it. So I then took the bed out but I put it beside her basket and lo and behold, a few hours later I found she had picked the heated bed as a preferred spot.

And yes, it tickled me pink to think it might be helping.

Damn, I love that furry nut.

I know there are readers here who have had to make the same decisions and doesn't it just suck! But I wouldn't give up a minute Bob and I got with our Em and her funny ways but that would be for another post - that I wish I didn't have to make for a few years yet.

I hope you are having a great weekend.

When it goes bad I plan on plunking my butt down and reading Play of Passion by Nalini Singh. I was very excited when I picked it up but doing the AAR poll has been uh, time consuming. And I forgot, the ones who send in their lists later are the die hard list makers which means almost all the ballots have 100 titles (early in the poll you can have 100 then 20 then 40 then another 100 - so the inputting isn't so intense. Now it's all 100s baby!)

Okay, off to kiss Em on her forehead and to tell her I love her again (I'm sure she's all, yeah, yeah, you love me - now go get me some pain meds!! I hear Oxycotin is nice.) Poor Baby.

The World is Tilting

I don't want to come off too upset as I know I'm a very blessed person.

1. Bob's work may be coming to a close - through no fault of his own but this economy has been no help and I know there are tons of people in the same boat. I get it. I'm just scared of the unknown and I shouldn't be. Tonight Bob was told he could be an asset for another company so if/when every thing falls apart to go see them. And like many things, this is awesome but in the real world things get tough and even those people who would love to have you on their staff just might not have it in their budget. So we're in a wait and see pattern. Would it be great if Bob could continue in the job he has - absolutely but we also understand if that job needs to be lost.

This part has been made easier when I can openly talk to Bob about my fears and he can calm me down. He says I'm his rock and as long as I'm fine he'll be fine. I'm a fairly easy going person - hey, now, I can be! - and in reality I'm not the 'big' spender in the house. I have patience to wait for things - Bob not so much so Bob's life will change much more than mine. Except for having fewer TV channels and maybe dial up Internet.

Okay, dial up Internet gives me hives but I can do it!

2. This one I'm working on.

Emma may have a virus which is untreatable. Death is the end result. Emma is 14 and has had a great life and I wish she could live forever but I understand if it's her time. Over the past few months Emma has had great days and not so great days. She had a UTI which was treated but then it seemed to come back 5 days later - only her whole stomach was bloated up.

Today after X-Rays and blood tests the vet discovered massive fluid filling her belly area. She took 1/2 a litre of fluid off her tummy which caused Emma to lose a whole pound. Then she dropped to diagnosis on me and the fact that there was really nothing that can be done.

What stumped the vet was that the virus was normally found in younger cats. I then thought to ask if it was contagious and she said 'yes' and I about fell on the floor. I told her about Pixie and she said that Pixie has probably brought it into the house. Again, I was on the floor. With tears in my eyes I asked her if both my cats were going to die of this and her answer was 'quite possibly yes'.

My heart and head can't seem to fathom this. I've never had to put down a baby animal (I'm sorry, they are just babies until they get over 12 years of age) and can't wrap my brain around Pixie getting sick. Also, the fear of losing Emma is already making me sore but the idea that Bob and I would be a one kitty family makes me want to cry also. Only because if Pixie has the virus, I couldn't possibly bring in another cat that might get the virus and get sick also.

I have done some reading about the virus (and I'll know if it's this one on Friday (although reading the symptoms I'm saying the doc is right) and I'm not sure if the vet is completely right about the spread. Also, it's common for cats to carry the virus that can then mutate into this deadly one.

What does this mean? We could have Pixie tested and it will come back normal but she could still carry it.

Sorry, I'm just trying to work it all out in my brain. Em isn't happy tonight - I think the fluid withdrawal was a bit of a shock to her system and I think she is in some pain but I insisted on antibiotics to at least get the UTI under control. Hopefully in three days Em will be a happy kitty again and we'll just have to watch for fluid build up. And hopefully the kitten doesn't have or get it at all.

So that's where my brain is right now.

And you know what is comforting me? The idea of all the books I have to read and re-read. I told Bob the good news was that I had lots of books to keep me busy if he loses his job.

Right now I'm working on my list of 100 Favourite Books to enter into AAR's ballot. I have a preliminary list worked up - I used Shelfari and this blog to pick out titles and now I need to arrange them and remember those that I usually miss.

Thanks for listening. It just makes it easier when I can write it all down.

I hope you all are doing well!