The World is Tilting

I don't want to come off too upset as I know I'm a very blessed person.

1. Bob's work may be coming to a close - through no fault of his own but this economy has been no help and I know there are tons of people in the same boat. I get it. I'm just scared of the unknown and I shouldn't be. Tonight Bob was told he could be an asset for another company so if/when every thing falls apart to go see them. And like many things, this is awesome but in the real world things get tough and even those people who would love to have you on their staff just might not have it in their budget. So we're in a wait and see pattern. Would it be great if Bob could continue in the job he has - absolutely but we also understand if that job needs to be lost.

This part has been made easier when I can openly talk to Bob about my fears and he can calm me down. He says I'm his rock and as long as I'm fine he'll be fine. I'm a fairly easy going person - hey, now, I can be! - and in reality I'm not the 'big' spender in the house. I have patience to wait for things - Bob not so much so Bob's life will change much more than mine. Except for having fewer TV channels and maybe dial up Internet.

Okay, dial up Internet gives me hives but I can do it!

2. This one I'm working on.

Emma may have a virus which is untreatable. Death is the end result. Emma is 14 and has had a great life and I wish she could live forever but I understand if it's her time. Over the past few months Emma has had great days and not so great days. She had a UTI which was treated but then it seemed to come back 5 days later - only her whole stomach was bloated up.

Today after X-Rays and blood tests the vet discovered massive fluid filling her belly area. She took 1/2 a litre of fluid off her tummy which caused Emma to lose a whole pound. Then she dropped to diagnosis on me and the fact that there was really nothing that can be done.

What stumped the vet was that the virus was normally found in younger cats. I then thought to ask if it was contagious and she said 'yes' and I about fell on the floor. I told her about Pixie and she said that Pixie has probably brought it into the house. Again, I was on the floor. With tears in my eyes I asked her if both my cats were going to die of this and her answer was 'quite possibly yes'.

My heart and head can't seem to fathom this. I've never had to put down a baby animal (I'm sorry, they are just babies until they get over 12 years of age) and can't wrap my brain around Pixie getting sick. Also, the fear of losing Emma is already making me sore but the idea that Bob and I would be a one kitty family makes me want to cry also. Only because if Pixie has the virus, I couldn't possibly bring in another cat that might get the virus and get sick also.

I have done some reading about the virus (and I'll know if it's this one on Friday (although reading the symptoms I'm saying the doc is right) and I'm not sure if the vet is completely right about the spread. Also, it's common for cats to carry the virus that can then mutate into this deadly one.

What does this mean? We could have Pixie tested and it will come back normal but she could still carry it.

Sorry, I'm just trying to work it all out in my brain. Em isn't happy tonight - I think the fluid withdrawal was a bit of a shock to her system and I think she is in some pain but I insisted on antibiotics to at least get the UTI under control. Hopefully in three days Em will be a happy kitty again and we'll just have to watch for fluid build up. And hopefully the kitten doesn't have or get it at all.

So that's where my brain is right now.

And you know what is comforting me? The idea of all the books I have to read and re-read. I told Bob the good news was that I had lots of books to keep me busy if he loses his job.

Right now I'm working on my list of 100 Favourite Books to enter into AAR's ballot. I have a preliminary list worked up - I used Shelfari and this blog to pick out titles and now I need to arrange them and remember those that I usually miss.

Thanks for listening. It just makes it easier when I can write it all down.

I hope you all are doing well!