Wednesday, April 08, 2009

The Rundown

1. My stomach has been horrible to me for about 4 straight nights. It's talking constantly but tonight I thought I was going to pass out. Bad tummy. Hopefully it's over - don't know whether it's a stress tummy (really, stress?) or just something food related. Ugh.

2. My doc referred me to another 'course' thingie for what I thought was anxiety.

I got the paper work the other day (after an 8 month wait) and it's a Mood Disorder Clinic. WTF? Lots of questions about booze and drugs.

Anyways, I got to the part that asks what I expect from the program.

Uh, normal.

I expect normal.

I want to get a job outside the house, I want to be able to travel, hell, I want to be free again!

I have a feeling there will be a talk about managing expectations.

3. After filling out that damn sheet I had bad dreams all day. I got a job in my dream only to be fired not even 5 minutes later. Let's not talk about the 'anxiety' over having to be somewhere at a certain time for a specific amount of time. That's right, I was anxious in my friggin dream.

I'm thinking I may tear off the answers to that question and just put 'nothing'.

The sad part is I really expect nothing from the course. There is no cure so why do I have to go?

4. I watched Twilight tonight. Excellent movie but wow, talk about emoting. I don't think I was able to breath for most of the movie because the H/H were constantly breathing all shallow. Anxiety peeps are shallow breathers and I think we watch other people and take cues from how they act. Half way through the movie I kept thinking 'Egads, are they ever going to breath normal?'

I have to say I was worried I would watch the movie and feel all old and stuff but I really enjoyed it and look forward to the rest of the movies.

There are going to be more, right?

5. I can't pick a book.

I know, I'm a pain in the arse but with Easter Weekend coming up I feel all pressured and stuff. I've been pulling books like crazy out of the TBR pile and then realize they would take me weeks to read.

Stupid internal pressure to read more books.

Just read!!


LinnieGayl said...

Sorry your tummy has been bothering you the last four days. (((Cindy))).

I say go with what you wrote down first on the form. if they want to talk about managing expectations, fine, but you know what you want (even though you expect less). And normal sounds lovely!

Rosie said...

Just breathe baby. Just breathe. It might not seem like it right this second, but things WILL get better and you ARE going to be okay. I just know it. Besides, normal is overrated.

CindyS said...

LinnieGayl - You're right, I'm thinking shot for the moon and land in the stars ;)

Rosie - Thanks sweets! I still wonder what normal might be like - but then Bob says 'well you wouldn't be you and I love you.'

Yep, Bob likes 'em crazy ;)


nath said...

Are you feeling better, Cindy? I sure hope so!

Happy that you enjoyed Twilight :)

Ugh, I hate it when I don't know what books to read. My advice: go to the bookstore and pick a new one, LOL :)