Thursday, December 31, 2009
Or you know, have plans more like mine and Bob's. Movies, jammies, munchies.
I'm not a lover of this holiday (can really depress me if I let it) but I hope you all get to celebrate the way you wish!
I hope for more reading time - I should say I hope my brain gives me a break and lets me read more.
Great health of course. Not sure how that will work for me this year - I have to go to that anxiety clinic for the next few months. There is a deep part of me that wants to be drug free but I'm not sure that's realistic for me. Having had panic attacks for most of my life, I'm not sure my body wouldn't start attacking me at the first sign of release. I'm sick of the side effects and quite frankly the body fat is holding on hard and I'm not sure I can start working out 2 hours a night. I mean, I can but would it help at this point?
This is also the year I turn 40. Sadly I have a friend who believes this is 'old' and I'm having a hard time keeping her negative thoughts out of my head.
I can't imagine what the year will bring but I'm going to continue with my move towards moving more (walking on the treadmill has helped my mood and my energy - now I have Wii fit to figure out) and saying 'yes' more. Unless I hate the question - then I have to learn to say no more.
I'm sleepy tonight so I'm going to head up and watch some TV.
Have a safe and Happy New Year celebration!
Monday, December 28, 2009
In the realm of TMI I had the period from hell on Christmas Day. Since I was hosting I didn't take any pain pills because they normally knock me out. 4pm on Christmas day - Bob is napping, everyone else is playing and I'm on the couch thinking about how I'm just not going to make it. I was going to fall over or pass out or something. I took some tylenol and it took the edge off for the next few hours and I was able to get dinner served. After that I just looked at Bob and said I was done. Thankfully everyone else cleaned up after dinner as I couldn't move.
To say I ache all over is an understatement. I pulled stupid from the hat a few days before Christmas and wrapped all the gifts in one go. It was only when I stood up that I remembered why you don't do that. Sometime on Boxing Day I felt my shoulder muscle give like tearing bread. I've been icing it on and off since that night. Good thing I already had a Doc's visit for January cause wow, this thing hurts!
In total 4 straight days of people and prepping and cooking and making sure everyone was okay. Today was Bob's family and I totally wimped out and ordered in pizza. I couldn't cook again.
New things : Pixie is so terrified of people who aren't Bob and I. I had to get her down to her litter twice while people were in the house. Both times she actually played dead. Kitty fetal position. I felt horrible for her and some people have suggested that maybe we don't really have a new kitten - I tell them to look on Youtube. I did show her off a bit but like I said, she just hung in my arms like a rag. Poor monkey.
I got way too spoiled. I think I say that every year but seriously, we had a budget this year. Bob ignored it completely. So while he got a new sweater, 100 bucks from Rona from the kitties and a porcelain sign I got a Wii Fit and a HP Touchscreen computer - according to my nephew I have the absolute top of the line technology of our time to which someone replied - for the rest of the month.
It's awesome but of course, there are tweaking things that have to happen and I can't access my e-mail because I have no clue what my password is and the router we have for wireless also has a password and damn if I have that in my memory banks somewhere. So hopefully no one is writing to me and hoping for an answer cause I can't get to the e-mail.
Bob is back to work for the next two days and then I told him we have to have some Cindy and Bob time - crazy how you are with family for days and yet, you don't really have time with your loved ones. Weird.
Okay, hope you all had a great holiday and that you were spoiled. (I also got gift cards for books!!)
I have a Wii to set up, a treadmill to get back on and computer to figure out. And sleep. Lots and lots of sleep. And then reading. Lots and lots of reading. I really hope Jan/Feb are my months for reading!
Oh! Almost forgot. We have to take our tree down early because it's so dry it's a fire hazard. Yep, cut it on the 6th of December and it's been dropping needles ever since. I get depressed when the decorations come down so I'm not sure how I feel about them coming down early. Grrr.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Sorry, you know, things are a popping - Bob got our closet done tonight and I managed to clean out that entire room that was on the kitty video (Nath, sadly that was all from my closet - OMG). Then my hubby studiously put away all his clothes like he was a freakin' valet in another life!! We have people arriving tomorrow to stay over night and I got one of the two rooms put back to rights (actually the bedding is being washed now but I have to go to bed soon (2am) so I can be up in time for my friend dropping in at 1pm tomorrow.
The book room is a dust oasis - Bob will have to vacuum the entire room with one of the little brushes (he does do a great job but I wish he had started tonight instead of waiting till tomorrow to start). I found a few more gifts to wrap but for the most part I'm done and it looks like I've forgotten someone. Seriously. I'll probably have a nightmare tonight.
Aunt put a limit on the amount of money we could spend - as a rule we don't listen to her as a group but when she brings it up we try to be more frugal - yes, I've spent hundreds on GC alone but I scaled back this year. Too bad my parents got his with is also. Whoops!
I was also very frugal with Bob's gifts. He's been spending large for a while and he doesn't need anything except more trim and wood and stuff to finish the house. So the kitties got him GC for the store that sells the trim. And I got him a sweater and one of his porcelain signs for the fence. Exciting eh?
I did find a picture of him and his mom that he likes and went and bought a frame and special matt for it. I had such a hard time as it was digital and I was looking for a different picture and ran out of time to send it in and have it done professionally. So I printed the photo off on our laser printer but the paper says it's for inkjet printers. I couldn't find any photo paper than said for laser so I'll have to go with what I have. I will buy one of those GB sticks and then I can put on a whole bunch of pictures and have them printed off.
Another thing is Bob and I got a poster of Santa from our great friends this year and he wanted it framed. Having been through the process before I knew what was coming. So off we go and we pick out everything we need and it's 60% off framing at Michaels. Bob says 'oh, it'll be maybe 200 dollars' and I just smiled. 349.00 I go to pay and stuff and as we're walking out the store Bob looks at me and says 'Wow, I was not expecting that'! I asked the lady - are there people who pay for framing when it's not on sale? And she smiled and said, not really.
So that was kind of Bob's Christmas present also.
Oh yeah, now that I see the picture I remember Bob spend 100 bucks on that light. So yeah, Bob's been good ;)
Okay, I'll probably find time to get on again but just in case you are all traveling be safe and have a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!!
Thanks to best bud from the west for finding these and posting them on Facebook.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Hope you are enjoying some down time. I'm not very stressed but I have this 'it'll work or not' thing going on so I'm not very anxious.
I might be behind the times but a friend just posted this video on Facebook and at first it was weird but then it gets funny. Have a look and tell me what you think.
The Fonzi line killed me.
It's a literal video so it's stating what is happening in the video instead of playing the song. There are so many music videos that I have thought 'damn, there is nothing about this video that makes sense'. Hell, there are videos that win awards that could totally be spoofed this way.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
You might not know that I also have a BF who is Bob's former wife who couldn't save a penny if her life actually did depend on it.
Not a red cent.
With that in mind, Bob and I have been the 'Bank of Cindy' - yes, we call it that. Things get financially rough and I get a phone call. Usually it's fine but there are times when it's not.
I think it's been a 1 1/2 years now since BF bought a used car and borrowed 3 grand. 200 bucks a month was to be paid back till it was done. I haven't had a payment since February. BF thinks she paid until April, I'm thinking she got confused with the normal ' I need to borrow 200 hundred till Tuesday' and the back and forth that that causes.
Hell, I get confused.
I got a call a week ago to borrow 800 till December 21st which hey, she needed to get her shopping done for her kids (my Godkids) so I'm fine with that and I made it clear it had to be paid back on time.
Hold on now because things are about to get bumpy.
BF has a dog that is about 2 years old (if). The other day he raced out the door to play with his furry best friend (has done this since he was a pup) and no one saw but he slipped on ice and fell.
I get a phone call and hear BF crying.
After telling me all this she tells me that the pup has broken his leg in 4 places and he will need surgery to fix his leg.
It will cost between 3-4 thousand dollars.
BF is a mess. I'm in shock and even though I know I need to lend her the money I have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach for so many different reasons.
I tell her it's fine, we'll loan them the money while trying to figure out how Bob will react to all this.
Bob loves animals too.
But it's not the dog we're worried about.
Tonight I get the final amounts and call in to pay the bill - It was over the 4 grand estimate.
Money is a tricky thing to talk about with people and well BF and I have had a few problems over the years. She knows she owes money but will do things that are completely selfish like go on vacation (not that they are fancy vacays) knowing she won't pay anyone she owes for the few months before that because she needs to save.
I also need to say that I'm my own worse enemy. I don't bug her for payments because seriously, that just pisses me off. She's an adult and should act accordingly. This past summer she had to borrow money and I was told I would get paid back when the 'money' came in. That money was supposed to show up before she left for vacation. I heard nothing. I knew they were gone on vacation and I didn't even get a call saying 'the check didn't show up'. I heard later how she was furious and called and yelled at people but a simple phone call would have kept me from being angry for 3 days.
So here I sit, wondering how this new jolt to our finances is going to work out. She knows that we borrow the money and I have told her she's paying the interest. The minute she hears something like that she figures she's fine if she misses payments because she's paying the interest.
I tried to set up an understanding that 'this' time things had to be different and I got the 'of course, if you think it's easy to swallow my pride and call my ex-husband and his wife for money you have no clue'.
So even though I know Bob and I did the right thing there is that part of me that is stressed about it. I know I shouldn't be. I want to be a better person than that but sometimes it's hard.
The good news is the dog's leg is all wrapped up and he'll get to go home to his family. And I truly hope he has years and years of life in front of him.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
(actually I forgot what kittens could be like with new stuff)
1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.
2. Go to wardrobe and collect bag in which present is contained, and close door.
3. Open door and remove cat from wardrobe.
4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
6. Go to drawer and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc.
7. Lay out present and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.
8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit, and collect string.
9. Remove present from bag.
10. Remove cat from bag.
11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.
12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
13. Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight.
14. Throw away first sheet because cat tried to chase the scissors and tore paper.
15. Cut second sheet of paper to size by putting cat in the bag the present came out of.
16. Place present on cut-to-size paper.
17. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present, wonder why edges now don't reach, and find cat between present and paper. Remove cat and retry.
18. Place object on paper, to hold in place, while cutting transparent sticky tape.
19. Spend next 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.
20. Seal paper down with transparent sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.
21. Look for roll of ribbon; chase cat down hall and retrieve ribbon.
22. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.
23. Re-roll up ribbon and remove paper that is now torn, due to cat's enthusiasm in chasing ribbon end.
24. Repeat steps 12-22 until down to last sheet of paper.
25. Decide to skip steps 12-16 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that you know is right size for sheet of paper.
26. Put present in box, and tie down with string.
27. Remove string, open box and remove cat.
28. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for lockable room.
29. Once inside room, lock door and start to re-lay out packing materials.
30. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close door and re-lock.
31. Lay out last sheet of paper. (Admittedly this is difficult in the small area of the toilet, but try your best!)
32. Seal box, wrap with paper and start repairs by very carefully sealing down tears with transparent sticky tape. Now tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst affected areas.
33. Label, then sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulating yourself on making good of a bad job.
34. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.
35. Spend next 15 minutes looking for cat, before coming to obvious conclusion.
36. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.
37. Retrieve all discarded sheets of wrapping paper, feed cat and retire to lockable room for last attempt, making certain you are alone and the door is locked.
38. At time of handing over present, smile sweetly at receiver's face, as they try and hide their contempt at being handed such a badly wrapped present.
39. Swear to yourself that next year, you will get the store to wrap the darn thing for you.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Actually, before I suggest that Bob was hard done by this weekend let me tell you that he wasn't.
Nope. He was just WRONG!
The guy poked the bear and discovered C-Rex lurking just below the surface. And he did it twice in one weekend!
Last night he decided to start on tiling the entry way. Only after he had cut a few tiles did he call me to look at what he had done. Imagine my surprise when I discover that the tiles aren't all uniformly beige. Nope. They have grays and browns and some are just down right gorgeous (aren't they pretty? Bob had me take a picture of the layout so he wouldn't screw it up while I was sleeping. He still managed to put one tile in the wrong place but it wasn't a problem).
That said, he had one tile in a prime location that I didn't like (not in the picture). Keep in mind these tiles had not been glued down yet so I mention how I don't like the one tile and I get a snippy reply about how there are no extra tiles and I'll have to live with it.
Oh, no he dinn't!!
I let that one slid but while moving tiles and making decisions on where they should really be placed Bob's temper flared a few more times. On that last time C-Rex came out and started yelling with the number one thing on her mind being ' don't talk to me like that! '. Amazingly Bob's attitude was adjusted.
C-Rex curled back up and went to sleep knowing her work had been done.
Little did C-Rex realize that she would be called to duty yet again.
Now, just so you all know, when I say my house looks like a bomb hit it I'm not exaggerating. There is shit everywhere and you wanna know what? It ain't mine! Tools and screws and debris are everywhere including my kitchen island (why, why, why are there tools in the kitchen!?)
I can't even put laundry away so we've been living out of laundry baskets (with folded clothes) for weeks but as construction continues the baskets don't get all emptied and then I have clothes with no place to go.
To say I'm over it is an understatement. I can't even keep a room 'Bob' free for more than a day. I clean off our computer desk and get things in this tiny room put right just to stay sane and the next day my hubby has crap all over the place again.
I can't really talk about the Christmas tree and the boxes of ornaments all over the living room without having chest pains. See, there was a time when Bob and I would decorate the tree together. Now, not so much. So I've been dragging my feet and yeah, that one can be on me.
Now, we're hosting Christmas for 11 people this year. Bob has arranged the living room furniture in the best configuration he could come up with even though I think it's not very cozy. Fine. Whatever.
Tonight he starts talking about the ginormous hutch in our dining room and how maybe we can move it to the living room (that room without any extra space) and I have to stop him. Last night while with the family, Bob slept in a chair for about 4 hours, while the rest of us talked and played and one of the things I asked everyone was if they would be interested in having a puzzle set up during the 3 days they would be at our house to work on when wanting some down time.
It was agreed that that would be a nice idea.
So I mention to Bob tonight that I might need to move some of the furniture to put in a small game table for a puzzle.
Bob actually swore and got all mad and said obviously I hated the room the way it was and to do what I wanted.
C-Rex came out of no where.
I don't ask for friggin much and I am fairly even keeled with the dust and crap all over the place so yelling at me for having ONE request was way beyond the pale. C-Rex had a good 10 minutes of yelling and swearing and yes, Bob was a wee bit pale when she finished. He was still in a grump so he went off to work on the closet upstairs.
C-Rex paced her cage for another 1/2 hour before trying to settle down.
It helped that Bob apologized for getting me all worked up. And then I get all mushy and say stuff like 'sorry' when I'm still right.
Let's hope the next two weeks aren't like this weekend cause Bob isn't used to seeing me go all C-Rex on his ass.
Oh, my favourite was how C-Rex was 'DONE'. That's it, just DONE. Didn't give a frig about anything anymore and Christmas could go suck eggs.
C-Rex makes me laugh.
I sense coal might be coming soon.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
I'm grumpier and easily frustrated and I feel all stale in my brain.
I'm hoping the tree and the house will be decked out by the weekend. I'll start wrapping and OMG cards!! I forgot I have to do cards!
Then I'll do up the 'menu' for the three days family will be in the house so I know what I have to buy before the day AND ...
I'll try not to beat my head against a wall over thinking a gift for Bob. I'm just so out of options. In reality some coins have been dropping from Bob's pockets the last few weeks and since I know there will be a 10 % pay decrease in the New Year I'm a little touchy about money.
No, no, I'm grateful and blessed. I just don't want to over spend on Christmas this year. Problem is Bob's not always on the same field as I am and I end up with something that cost an arm and a leg and Bob's sitting with a few new shirts. I'm just saying. I shouldn't be the only one 'aware' of money.
In the New Year I'm going to become the HAMMER. Yep, I'm going to drop on the poor guy like iron.
I should feel bad but uh, no.
I so can't work my Princess ways in the poor house!
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
This post will be something a little different.
See, in our family, there are no children. Our youngest on Christmas is 24 years old now and the rest of us aren't exactly 'needing' anything nowadays. We've got the appliances and towels and blankets and a few years ago it became obvious that there wasn't anything any of us needed.
Christmas shopping became a horrid chore.
What do you buy for the people who have everything? (Okay, we don't have everything but I'm not buying anyone a sports car and how many years in a row do I need to buy my mother slippers!)
So Bob and I changed a few things up.
First time we realized it wasn't so much the gift as the novelty was when Bob built a wooden box around a gift for my Dad. He was able to build looking holes that went all the way through the box and others that had a little sign inside that said 'no peeking!'.
My father had to get a crowbar out to open the gift and in the end it wasn't the garden bell in the gift that had the family buzzing, it was the few days before, the curiosity of what it could possibly be that made the gift so much fun.
And that's when in almost a sigh of relief the entire family let the stress of gifting go. There was no meeting or discussion, it just happened.
Now it's about seeing a huge smile or a flat out belly laugh when one of us opens a gift.
For me, it's monkeys. I make monkey noises I get excited and name the monkey the minute I see it. I'm not sure how it is they can still get a reaction out of me but every year a silly monkey shows up and makes me laugh. (You can't see it but the baby monkeys all have goofy grins on their faces - this special bookend keeps me smiling to this day!)
For my father it's Owls and Eagles. This year we found an owl tea pot, an outrageous owl plaque and yes, a pencil with a silly owl on the top.
My Aunt was everything Mexican and I outdid myself when I bought her a giant purple Mexican sombrero.
For my hubby, it's anything 50's inspired or diner inspired. One year a few great minds thought alike and he ended up with two hot dog roller cookers (much to my chagrin).
So in the end, it wasn't about the gift for us anymore. It was about getting a reaction from the person getting the present. As my Dad notably said, 'I don't care if you get rid of it tomorrow, your reaction was enough for me'. And in the end, it seems the family agrees with him.
So if you just can't come up with an idea for that one person maybe play it outside of the box. Who knows you just might discover another side of your friends and family!
I wish you all a very Merry Christmas indeed!
For more fun visit:
Lexi @ The Amazing Adulthood of Alexis
Lesley @ A Life in Books
Kim @ Page After Page
Monday, December 07, 2009
I strung up all the lights on our freshly cut Christmas tree (let me tell you, this tree doesn't have a soft spot anywhere and getting the lights up was like playing with a porcupine).
Every time I plug the tree in 2/3 of the tree blows out.
We've discovered a bulb that acts like a fuse and it blows out instead of maybe an entire string blowing out. We've changed that bulb a few times but the darn thing keeps tripping.
In all honesty, I so don't want to have to unravel all the lights off the tree as Bob has suggested.
So I'm wondering if there is anyone out there that has had a similar problem?
I'm wondering if I should put in another extension cord and run half the lights off a separate plug. Hey, it's all I got and I'm not sure the lights were made to have all 800 run off one circuit.
Wish me luck.
If you hear a roar sometime tomorrow it will be me, unraveling the darn strings off the tree.
Figures this season wouldn't start out easy.
Sunday, December 06, 2009
One look at the bed in the first video and you know why I'm not reading, blogging or in general, sleeping.
But the kitties managed a few milestones today so I'm sharing.
Later in the evening Pixie got even closer!
Yep, I do voices for the cats.
But you knew I wasn't all there in the noggin'
Hope you all had a great weekend! Bob was off on Friday so we got a lot done, were able to go visit friends and got the tree up (not decorated).
In a couple days I will be blogging for the Virtual Advent Tour - you can click on the avatar at the top right hand corner to visit other blogs and read how other people are celebrating the holidays!
Okay, I've been up since 5am.
It's now 9pm and I'm beat. Off to bed soon!
Tuesday, December 01, 2009
Anxiety has decided to take me head on and I'm not sure what it's beef is but fun it ain't. I've caught myself a few times just wanting to head back home because I wasn't 'feeling right'. Realizing a bit late it was anxiety kept me from making bad decisions and I kept on heading in the right direction. Eg. going to breakfast with my BF on Monday morning instead of calling her back 20 minutes before we were to meet to say 'can't' and knowing she would understand. Also thinking about how far from home one of my destinations was today and not turning the car around when the anxiety hit.
So I'm winning but I wish it'd just back off me already.
Then there is the sleep.
All torqued up and knowing that I don't really operate the same during daylight hours doesn't help. That said, I'm getting some of the errands off the list. I'm also hoping to get most if not all my Christmas shopping done this week.
My biggest problem (and maybe why I'm anxious) this year is I have not one clue for Bob. I don't want to spend gobs of money and at the same time I don't want to buy him clothes and stuff (which I do normally buy for him).
Bob, bless him, keeps saying the fence and the renos he's been doing are his present. And really, they should be, cause - wow.
But that's not the point of Christmas so I'm going to have to put the thinking cap on and get on it.
I've decided this time of year is useless for me and reading.
Add Bob and his plaster dust to the equation and my entire (and yes, entire) house needs to be cleaned from top to bottom. Thing is I only want to have to do it once. So I've been waiting to see what else Bob's going to decide on doing before Christmas.
My Gorgeous Cousin has already commented about the last time we hosted Christmas and how Bob had still been working on the bathroom on the Eve.
I didn't throw anything at her.
And on a 'bloody hell' note, her boyfriend is still around.
Makes my skin crawl but I guess I have to let her live her own life.
So that's the weekly update. Hopefully I'll watch a great movie or something and my blogging mojo will re-emerge.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
WTF!? Why are we hearing about a green Christmas yet again!!
See, Bob and I get to host Christmas once every three years. This year it's our year (and boy do I need to get cracking but that's for another post) and we are hearing that snow will probably not be in the forecast.
3 years ago there was no snow. In fact, it was a beautiful balmy day that had us wearing T-shirts outdoors. Green, green, green.
The last 2 years have been white in the extreme. Bob and I have traveled in some seriously bad weather but hey, it's Christmas and I'll turn will come around again.
Maybe new tradition this year. Christmas day swim. Too bad we closed the pool already.
Happy Thanksgiving to all our American Friends! I wish you all great heath and comfort and try not to head out shopping on that black Friday day (or maybe it's another colour) - just stay safe!
Sunday, November 22, 2009
I've been a touch busy and by busy I mean I procrastinated all week while trying to write up Mini-poll results.
They should be out next week sometime.
Okay, so where were we?
I'm all good. NyQuil is worth every dime let me tell ya. I didn't feel great Friday but by Sunday morning right as rain. Yay!
Tuesday (I think it was Tues or maybe Wed) I went and stood in the public line up for the H1N1 shot. It was finally opened to everyone. Bout friggin' time. Meanwhile, the people in the line were the elderly and kids. So, where you people been for the 3 weeks you could have had the line to yourself!? It was an 1 1/2 wait but I brought a book and people were envious of my intelligence for not showing up with nothing but the clothes on my back. Duh.
For those wanting to know the book - Blaze of Memory by Nalini Singh (haven't had time to get back to it but I have enjoyed the start!)
The rest of the week is a bit of a blur.
So get this. I'm now addicted to the treadmill. I can't go a night without getting on the damn thing. I was up to 50 minutes every night.
Now, last night I kinda hurt myself. See, I walk on the treadmill in the dark.
No!! I can explain!
The room the treadmill is in has had it's shades removed (BOB!!!!) and if I put on the light during the night people can see in. Normally no big deal except my neighbour comes home at all different hours of the night so I don't want anyone seeing me in my sweaty clothes with my droopy pony-tail. Yes. I know the world doesn't revolve around me but hey, people don't need a mental imagine of me sweating to whatever I got playing on my iPod.
So yeah, the dark. The only light in the room is from my iPod and I'll flash it at the information board every once in a while to see how long I've been on or what my speed is.
Well, last night I was doing the speed of the treadmill by touch. I would push the 'speed up' button twice which should have meant I was at a comfortable 2.8. So I'm walking along.
And I'm walking.
And I'm puffing.
Okay, I don't normally sweat like this!?
I feel faint.
And I'm walking.
Finally I flash the light on the information panel to check the time and I've just hit 30 minutes - OMG, I'm dying.
I then notice the speed.
I had been hoofin' it at 3 for like 10 minutes (I haven't walked at 3 yet since starting because I get exhausted faster)
I take it back to 2.8 only my legs feel like rubber.
I made it to 42 minutes before I had to stop.
I don't like to feel like puking after exercising so last night was not a big win for me.
Tonight I've been avoiding the room.
I'll get on the treadmill after I post this.
The bad news is Bob is sick. Yep. Thursday night he woke up and told me he throat felt horrible.
Now. If it had been me, NyQuil. No question.
Bob insisted he had to go to work on Friday. (I love him but seriously, dumbass)
So no NyQuil for Bobby.
Friday night he's not feeling so great but it's not going to keep him down.
I knew he was feeling really bad when he crawled back to bed at 10am. He slept till 1pm. He then crawled back in a 4pm.
I feel bad for him but hey, NyQuil. I'm just saying.
Oh and H1N1 shot.
Bob's not sure he wants the shot.
Boo-yah baby. Being sick sucks! I'll take the damn shot and be glad of it.
Meanwhile, the rest of my family is waiting to see if I'll grow fins or something.
Hope you are all well!!
*sigh* Off to walk on the treadmill.
Update: Bob is feeling much better after I drugged him up. Sunday he spent renovating in the room next to our bed. Where I was trying to sleep with sledgehammering, saws and drills going off for hours. But I'm glad he's feeling better! I did get on the treadmill and I did again tonight - actually hit 58 minutes. Killer shocked.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Yep. All good here at Smith central.
Superfluous pic of kitten - you're welcome.
Bob has been on vacation since Wednesday hence the radio silence. It's Sunday early morning and I've finally got a minute to myself.
Get this, went to Toronto on Thursday without any anxiety. It was like Anxiety forgot I existed.
Anxiety however, showed up on Friday night.
Basically Friday 1am I get a sore throat and a booming headache - also, I've been achy all week but I assumed it was from the treadmill (yep, I'm trying out daily exercise). I get it in my head that I now have the flu and pull my Hail Mary pass with a ginormous swig of NyQuil.
Friday best bud and son are coming out and Bob is not home. Usually no problem but because I have it in my head that the 'flu' might be in my body, I have anxiety about going out for dinner. I gulped down 2 anxiety pills and made it through. Couple of 'dizzy' moments but I didn't run screaming from the restaurant and hey, that's a win.
Bob's in full demo mode.
Best bud posted on her Facebook on Friday that it was 'random acts of kindness day' - when she got to the door I told her her random act of kindness was to NOT say 'OMG, you LIVE here!?
Kids would love it here. You can spell stuff on the furniture. Every single piece.
I felt bad that I didn't dust before best bud came over but oy, am I ever glad I didn't waste the energy. I woke up to more drywall dust as Bob carved out new doors. *cough, hack, cough*
I vacuumed on Tuesday and the house looks like it was last cleaned in the 80s.
The kitten doesn't know what to make of the big guy lugging stuff all through the house. For Emma, it's all old news. For me, it's just getting old.
Let's see, what else?
Right. I've been walking on the treadmill 5 days a week (I haven't made it to every day) and can do 40 minutes now without puking up a lung. The other night I did 50 minutes but I paid for it the next day.
I sleep better, I have more energy when I'm up and about and maybe it's keeping me healthy.
I'm also taking a multi-vitamin, Vitamin D and Vitamin C every morning. For the first week or two my body just laid it back out. Now I think some of it is getting absorbed into the blood stream.
So yeah. I'm trying to take some good care of myself because the winter months can slay me. I've decided they aren't allowed to take me out anymore!
On Monday I'm hoping to get to Nalini Singh's latest. (I returned the Anthology after Wendy let me know it was a re-print - just another reason for me to dislike trade backs.)
Oh! Final note.
If you buy gift certificates for peeps, keep the receipt and give it with the GC. Discovered one of my birthday GC for 25$ for books was never activated. Bob and my mom always give me the receipts but there was a desk move in between my B-day and now so I lost them.
Out 25 bucks!! Super sucks!
Bob couldn't figure out how someone could 'steal' the GC money because it would be in the computer. Simple slight of hand with another card I'm sure. Or, one of my friends pulled a 'ooops' and didn't load the card.
Okay, off to play a bit longer before hitting the sack.
Monday, November 09, 2009
I'm loving it!!
I have the last few chapters to read but I can't see where it can go wrong. Unless the H/H die then I'm all good.
Harry is such a SOB and I love him! I think he's giving Sebastian a run for his money but then I never read the book where Sebastian was the villain.
I love it when you get characters that just don't fit any expectations.
Harry isn't a hero although I can't help but get all mushy about him now. I do think there is more that we could have known. He's not exactly forthcoming even in his own thoughts. He just knows what he wants and grabs it.
I would have liked to see him thinking about his hobby while working through something. I think there is a lot assumed about who he is (and I don't doubt he's every thing imparted) but it's not shown in his thoughts or actions for the most part. I think people who have active minds can't help but get distracted by seeing something new or interesting to them.
I guess it's just that Poppy is the new and shiny.
I can't wait to get to Beatrix's story although I imagine Leo will get his HEA before she does.
Okay, I didn't see the time creeping up on me and bedtime is calling!
But I can definitely call this one a KEEPER, KEEPER, KEEPER, KEEPER, KEEPER!!!
Sunday, November 08, 2009
For Tara Marie - thanks so much for sharing the things that make your tummy go south. I know it's no fun to talk about but I'm so glad you told me something I can actually look at and have tested in the future.
Every time I eat right now I think of you. I know. I'm a huge goof.
So here is a virtual hug because the real hug would be something that would make you squirm.
The 30 second mark where you start to pat my back in that 'there there way' and wonder if I'm going to let go. The three minute mark where you check your watch and think 'Good Gravy' and by the seven minute mark you would just relax into it and continue on with whatever you were doing before I tackle hugged you.
I would let go on minute 10 because after that, it would be awkward.
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
I have such plans that spiral about in my brain that when reality strikes, I'm sufficiently depleted.
Doc's appointment was today. I was ready to embark on a food allergy quest. What in the world are the foods that wreak such havoc on my tummy. I was going to discover the little monsters that could destroy my digestive system for weeks on end and banish them from my diet.
Mission was a disaster.
Apparently there is no 'basis' of food allergies - there is no set of criminals they can check for and eliminate. Nope.
Food Allergists are there for the extreme food allergies. The ones where life and death are concerned.
Okay, from what I understand, if I had broken out in hives they could have had somewhere to start but because the only thing that is happening is in the tummy, there are no tests that can really help.
Sure, lactose intolerance testing. Been there, done that. I was told I wasn't lactose intolerant. I still won't drink milk to this day. I even tried lactose free milk and forget it. So basically my Doc asked what would change with a lactose intolerance test and my response was nothing. Whether it's positive or negative, I know I can't drink milk. I know real cream (and more and more that edible oil stuff called Cool Whip) can cause such pain that fainting has become a very real possibility.
But then, where does Pizza Hut pizza fit in? Can't eat a piece of that stuff without destroying the digestive system for months. That said, I can eat pizza from other places without any harm (discovered this by being out at friends and having pizza brought in - not wanting to upset the hosts, I ate a piece of pizza and knew in a few hours I would be in major trouble. Only I wasn't.)
Discovered cashews can cause some trouble but I have to eat many of them at one time and it's not the horror show that real cream creates.
Still, I know to avoid these things now.
That damn salad dressing there in the summer that created the hell that followed? Haven't the foggiest notion why I had the gut reaction I did - brutal just touches on the pain.
It turns out I can't identify only one thing and allergists need that 'one thing' to test. I understand what the doc said, long story and all that but basically, my tummy will react to food however it feels.
So that pretty landscape I built in my brain, the one where I know what it is that will cause me such hardship has crumbled.
I'm blind again.
And so the tummy has played it's trump card.
Monday, November 02, 2009
So Bob can blam-thank Rosie!
Ava Gray - never heard of her but I love her first name. I'm not trying to be a snot - just hadn't heard her name before but she's also Ann Aguirre who I haven't read yet either.
Anyways, Rosie mentioned the book on her blog and how she thought it was great and oh by the way, it's dark but great.
I clicked over to Chapters from her blog.
I'm that easy.
Huh, look at that - I think it's a paranormal! Awesome. It also looks like it'll be the first in a series. No comment.
Since I mentioned this book earlier in the week I'm thinking you won't be surprised that I ordered Blaze of Memory by Nalini Singh.
What I didn't know was an Anthology called An Enchanted Season was also due November 3rd and oh look! Singh is in that one too!
I love when that happens.
And I can't remember now who it was that told me Elizabeth Hoyt has a new title out on the 3rd also. Had to get that!
To Desire a Devil by Hoyt added to order.
That's it for the book order. I hope it shows up this week but we'll see.
As to life - I managed to get my Health Card renewed (it expired on my birthday over 2 months ago - Bad Cindy) AND applied for a passport this morning.
It's amazing the stuff I can get done during 'normal' business hours.
Bob's away until tomorrow night which is normally fine but for some reason my anxiety has kicked it up a notch. I will decide to do something and then hesitate and then avoid.
Avoidance is not a good way to deal with anxiety.
Still, I gave myself a pass today. Sure I went and did a bunch of stuff in the city and didn't bat an eyelash. Went to call my mother to ask her to lunch and hung up before the dialing finished. Whoops. Not sure where that anxiety nugget was hiding but I let it win for today.
On a completely different note I haven't heard Boo from my Gorgeous Cousin. Bob thinks she's mad at us. I'm trying not to think at all.
Crap. Just realized as I was typing that sentence, that not thinking about it is typical avoidance. Double Crap.
I tell ya what, let's end on the fun of opening up the mailbox to find a box of brand new shiny books.
Yeah, that works.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Friday, October 30, 2009
I swear my body has decided on early Hibernation. Except for the upset tummy part. Can a person's body be a masochist. I'm saying yes. Nothing like the brain being ruled by the non-brain stomach.
It's been a bit of a week here at Smith Central.
Bob had to let go of a long term employee today and I swear I had the rot gut for them both. Bob came home and the first words he said were 'I'm glad you love me cause everyone else hates me'. I feel so bad for him but like I said - anyone gripping can give up their jobs to have this guy come back. That made Bob smile. 'Nope, no one offered to do that'. My heart bleeds for the man who was let go because there is no cause - just a cutback. I also know he will find a job once the shock of this has worn off. He's a fixture in the industry and I know he'll land on his feet.
Just a tough day all around for Bob and those he's responsible for.
Some tough breaks are heading our way also but we've made it this far through the mess, other cuts could come but right now, blessed we are.
Pixie is off snuggled up with Bob - she makes him laugh. Makes me laugh too but I know he needed that tonight.
Phew - let's let go of that for now!
Blaze of Memory by Nalini Singh is going to be out Nov 3rd!! On that note I need to check the inventories of my locals and see if they already have it. Sometimes being distracted makes it more exciting when you look and see an author you love whose book is literally a few days out. If I had known the whole month of October I would have stalked the locals and made a few enemies. Bad Cindy.
Just in case, I have no uh, damn, don't know the word - basically it's no skin off my nose if you buy Singh's book or not. I'm buying!
I am a touch worried because I think one of the H/H are human and the last human book gave me a head ache and I put it down. Singh is an author who writes a KEEPER, KEEPER, KEEPER or a wall-banger for me. How that's possible I don't know but I love it when I get another KEEPER!!
Okay, what are you guys looking for this month?
Monday, October 26, 2009
Back in the day (and yes, I think I may actually be at the age that I 'experienced' a day) I was fairly broad in my book 'getting' ways. I had less money and more free time which meant I was reading at a pace I certainly could not afford to uphold. So the library was the go-to-spot. As were used bookstores.
That was then - Let's talk about the here and now:
New Books - I'm at basically 100 % new books. As Wendy calls them 'dead tree' books. I love to read obviously but I also love books. I love the way they look, their covers, they way they sit on a shelf. I get a little thrill in my tummy whenever I go into a bookstore. Especially the big box ones. I have said many times that when I win the lottery there won't be a book I don't own. Yes, it'll be the mega millions or something like that.
Just last night hubby and I were uh, hammering things out and I commented that we just have way too much crap. For me it's easy, my books and my cats. After that, let's just start biffing. Bob thought that was funny but in reality everything else is just gravy. The books and my critters (along with Bob) are my necessities.
Oh, right. A great bed covered in sumptuous down pillows and soft linens.
Wait, where were we?
Right! Buying habits continued!
I will try and find the best price for hardcover books (usually buy online with free shipping) but I don't worry if I really want the book and I have to pay full price.
I have to admit though that trade-sized paperbacks stick in my craw. I rarely buy them unless it's a book I have to have. Annie don't publish in trade-size so for the most part it's good. I'm not sure why I have that mental block but I do. I guess I've always thought of trade-size books as a money grab by publishers and getting past that hasn't really happened for me. I have bought a few books in TS but they fill one bookshelf and I usually don't get them read before they are re-published in the cheaper paperback.
Library Books - not now because I don't need to and I have a real problem remembering to return things. Just ask Blockbuster. I think I'm probably on a do not lend sheet somewhere. Also, we live in a town so our library is teeny tiny and romance books are not all that important to them.
That said, anything happens that I am in need of books and without the coinage to buy them you better believe I'll re-discover my local library.
Used Books: Rare, rare, rare. A few years ago I discovered my latest quirk. I don't like reading books that have already been read by someone other than me. I figured this out when my best bud started to borrow books from my TBR pile. It just never dawned on me that I would get the books back and miss their glossy newness. I'm sure there are meds somewhere for this new disorder but for now, I'm okay with buying my books new. When I need to, I'll deal with the quirk but since it's not really a problem today I don't worry about it. I also don't lend my books out to many people anymore.
Confession! I have been known to go out and re-buy a book that was brand new until I loaned it to someone cause I sometimes have a hard time saying no to people. And really, my best bud isn't hard on books it's just my hang up that has me doing things that would make normal people smack me in the back of the head and tell me to get a grip.
ARCs/Freebies: I have won a few contests thrown by both authors and blogger buddies but I don't solicit ARCs (I have enough anxiety about my TBR pile). Contests are just fun and I will enter!
E-books: Sadly no. Like I said, I love 'dead tree' books. Love them. And I know there are plenty of people out there who love e-books and who have all the ways it's really easy to learn all the techno stuff but my first experience with a reader was a nightmare and an 8 hour ordeal because I can't let technology beat me. It seriously slapped me around and 16 bucks later I learned a painful lesson.
I bought air.
I found my credit card down 16 bucks and nothing but a file that I couldn't open or transfer sitting on my computer.
Now that the Kindle is out I've toyed with the idea but once again, I would need to have the paper copy of a book that I loved. Cause no matter what they say, that little digital thingie in that little device can disappear into thin air. Drop the thing and it's broke. Hit the wrong button and the file gets smoked. Either way, I'm purchasing something that has no mass and I'm not sure I get it.
And yes, saying that makes me feel like an old fuddy duddy.
But I'm not an organized person so if there is something I need to keep to prove I actually purchased something the odds are it'll vanish in one of my rare cleaning spurts.
I don't even know if I have a copy of mine and Bob's marriage certificate which I bloody well need to get a passport. That's some serious paper work and I have no clue where it is.
The receipt for an e-book? Not even on my radar!
Audiobooks - expensive and abbreviated. Colour me shocked years ago when I put in a romance book and was a touch worried about how I would react to a sex scene being read to me. My senses need not have been bothered and I learned that abbreviated meant no sex. And then the other book I had on tape (yes, tape) wouldn't flip to side B so I never learned how the story ended. It wasn't a romance but it was an intriguing story - just not intriguing enough for me to pick up the book.
Good thing I brought this to my blog as I would have crashed Wendy's place!
Sunday, October 25, 2009
And then she kind of hogs the monitor as you can see here. Can you see the pointer thing? Dead center of her nose. She tries to catch it. I know!! How cute can she be!!
Then, things are getting interesting around the house. By this I mean it's only a matter of time before something pops in my brain and I burn the damn thing down. Kidding.
Bob took a wall out last night and further more tonight.
Bob did not drape plastic or in any way prep the area so that the horrid speck that is plaster dust didn't end up in every nook and cranny of our home. Nope. It was like sleeping on sandpaper today and I admit, I can feel anything on a mattress and yes I'm sure others could have slept just fine in the bed with the layer of dust - but uh, not me!
Then tonight, he opened another section.
It smells like Kermit the Frog died in our bedroom now.
There is a swamp smell that is in no way conducive to me sleeping in there tomorrow during the day.
Bob can't smell it.
Did I mention the additional dust that is now on my pillows!
To top it all off, Bob and I aren't exactly on the same page when it comes to how we're going to do this renovation. Tonight there was a debate on where the 'new' wall would be. Bob actually said something so out of bounds that I asked him if he was ready. Yep. C-Rex came out and told him how it was. Good thing C-Rex was laughing and Bob realized he was WRONG while laughing. The stuff guys will tell their wives so they don't have to do what the woman wants.
All I can really say is that my house is a renovation in progress. I've never seen a house is so much disarray. In the last house we could only do a room at a time but then Bob loved the rooms as they were and didn't really want me to change things. But I'm persistent.
Bob likes the windows.
So I have a kitchen partially done but I have to admit that we are bargain hunters and I only splurge on certain parts like the back splash tile that goes up the whole wall and my fancy stainless steel stove hood. Everything else was bought as we could afford it. So my kitchen has been changing over the past two years. We're closing in on a finish but the most expensive parts are up next. Counters (I'll be doing a stone of some sort) and floors (hardwood but it'll go through the entire first floor so uh, not yet).
My entry way has been plywood for so long I actually don't know how I'll get used to a real floor. I ordered the tiles (gorgeous stone) because it is a small area and we finally found a stone we agreed on and hey, don't pay for a year. They arrived 2 weeks ago and Bob has yet to pick them up. See, he doesn't have a place for them yet.
But the upper floor of my home?
And when I bring up the small hallway I want tiled Bob just smiles and moves along.
So I'm locking myself in the book room tomorrow (course it's bogged down with a bunch of stuff) and sleeping in there.
Hold the fort! I have a battle on the home front to deal with for now.
Monday, October 19, 2009
It's the middle of October and I'm already figuring out how the house will be by then.
It'll be a mess.
See, I live with this man who today decided that our master bedroom/bathroom/closet need to be re-modeled.
Our house is plaster. The dust will be epic and OMG the mess will make me nutty. Bob has moved all his clothes to this tiny closet in the yellow room. He beat me to it. But then he has a job and needs to keep his clothes tidy. He has asked me to empty my closet. And where am I supposed to put my stuff (all closets except yellow room closet will be gone)? On the yellow room bed.
On the friggin' bed!
Now, I don't mind renovation stuff but creating a mess that will probably be there until Christmas Eve is enough to have C-Rex ready to bust out. Why this is happening now is beyond me. Bob's mentioned heat loss from the attic to outside so we need insulation but now he's going with the flat stuff instead of blowing it in. So, do we really need to build that wall and move all electrical if he still has access to the attic?
The whole reason he was going to go gangbusters was because once he had insulation blown in he didn't ever want to go in the attic again. Putting down the batting stuff? No problem - access is still available.
I think if I lay that one on him his head will explode and I'll be the one taking the brunt of it.
In between all this 'prep' I have drawn out how I want the master/bath/closet to turn out. Bob's immediate reaction was 'can't be done'. Uh, yeah it can so get your ass on board! He's telling me how our bathroom and closet will turn out and I'm thinking 'uh, no, can I have some input!?' Bob has done too many reno homes and now his brother's basement with no input from anyone and don't think he's not loving it.
The man's heading for a smack down. The other day I actually told him to just stop talking. We don't fight very much but I was ready to knock him upside the head.
In fairness, I had no clue how this post was going to go.
Sorry. Should have put a warning at the top.
I need to read and get out of my head for a while!
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Oops, just remembered what one of them was and I'm thinking a huge 'BOOOOO' from the crowd might happen.
Also, is the new Kleypas sexy? I need something dreamy and lovely and sexy and I'm going to go with Tempt Me At Twilight. At least, I'm going to try but I'm hoping it has some heat. Course, she normally brings it so why am I worrying?
I remember who it was exactly who finally got me to put this book on my TBB list.
She loved the way the series was going and I do love a great series so I decided to buy the first book. I'm excited and antsy as I'm not overly knowledgeable about succubus creatures but hey, I'm IN!
The next book also has a person attached to it.
My Book Twin ReneeW!
Even while trudging through homework (ugh, how you guys do it is beyond me) she was able to hop online and recommend a book she really enjoyed. Since it's rare we disagree, this book was put on the TBB list because I knew there would be no way I would actually remember the title or author's name on my own.
And I'm not normally one of those women who gets all gooey about men on covers but I really enjoy this one. It looks like an action shot but the more I look I see tiger stripes. Still, I'm ready, willing and wanting!
We got a THREE-FER!!
For those of you wondering about blogger word of mouth, it's alive and well and if you haven't heard of this book then you haven't met Kristie(J)!
I haven't read the first book yet but I own it and know I'll get to it and then flog myself for waiting so long to pick it up.
But I'm wondering if I should run a bit of a test. Read this before I read the first one. What do you think? Will I then prefer the second book to the first? You know how we as readers never know if it's the 'first book read love' that holds us to a single hero or title of a new author or if the book really is just 'the one'?
Kristie(J) loved Highland Rebel almost as much as Broken Wing and we do so love similar books. Course, she knows it's all about Sebastian for me and her love is all about Derek. (Kleypas heroes) Another little rivalry perhaps?
Huh, this book was also recommended to me and I wouldn't have picked it up without the nod. Laurie Gold recommended this book on her Facebook account referring to MaryJanice Davidson and a few other authors I enjoy. So Soulless was put on the TBB list.
Since the cover creeps me out I wouldn't have been drawn to this book. Also, I'm not sure what genre it's from so that would definitely work against it also.
So there's another book bought because of word of mouth.
Okay, from here on out, these are books I would have bought if I was in the bookstore and saw them.
I had no clue that Ward was working on another series. Not one whiff of an idea.
I know now because AAR reviewed this book and I was all 'What? Another Brother book I didn't know of?'. Clicked on the review and nope, this isn't a Brother book. Although it probably could be.
That said, I'm hoping to find some magic here so I got weaseled in and hey, it's a paperback at a paperback price. I'll buy!
Stop boo-ing. It happened, I'm not proud, but I'm a book ho!
And yet another book I didn't know was coming out! Or my memory is dancing around playing games again but seriously, I don't remember knowing about this book.
I'm a little bummed that it's - well, would this be a novella? Maybe it is a full length story. I'll just have to wait and see but I am excited to try Gena Showalter. I think I have a book by her in my TBR stack but I'm also convinced I don't have a book by her.
See how my mind messes with me?
Anyways, a shout out to Amazon.com for 'recommending' books to me. I would have also bought the Elizabeth Hoyt book it recommended except it's not out until November and I want my books now and shipped free. So I'll have to wait till later for that one.
Wait, did I mention the cover on the Cole/Showalter? I really, really like it. Wonder if that means I'm ready for the snow.
So for those of you fuddling or muddling through your book reviews thinking no one really cares, well, guess what, they do. I do! And I'm not as abnormal as people think. At least, not as a reader. As a person, yeah, way off normal but as a reader, I'm thinking I run with the pack.
Okay, maybe I run on the outer edges but I'm part of the pack. And us readers do love to visit and pick your brain on your latest 'best eva' book and your 'OMG, a tree died for THIS!?' book.
We love them all so keep 'em coming!
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Anxiety? Nope. Not even a flinch. Guess I had too many other things on my brain and I was kind of exhausted.
My dad was home from Malaysia so from Wednesday night to Monday night Bob and I were go, go, go and all my time spent with just my Mom and Dad was great. The small amount of time I got to spend with just Bob, the best. The rest? Ow.
So you know about my gorgeous cousin and her cheating boyfriend. If not, you can catch up below but short version is on Thursday night Bob and I picked up my GC and broke the news to her that her long time boyfriend was a cheating piece of dog meat. My GC decided to not deal with it right away because of my Dad being home and it was, after all, Thanksgiving.
Now, I don't know how my GC could look him in the eye and not want to do many evil things to him. Hell, I don't know how she didn't burst into tears the minute she laid eyes on him. That said, Bob and I had to lay eyes on him on Sunday night and I have to say I just didn't want to deal with him at all. I didn't want to talk to him, see him, anything but I did it for my cousin. Once again though, I think my GC might need some tough love and Bob and I will have to talk to her about losing this guy already. Ugh, yuck, drama!
To heap on that - I got a call Saturday night before heading to my parents for a family visit with my brother and his crew. His crew being his long time live with girlfriend (seriously, after 8 years is that the term?) and her two kids. LTG will be the short form for the rest of the story.
Guess who is on the phone? LTG.
LTG lives over an hour away and should already be at my parent's house.
LTG is sobbing on the phone.
LTG tells me about my brother and how he's a ginormous asshole.
I'm talking out of the ballpark with assholery.
Whenever I would go to say something the response was 'He's YOUR brother'. Uh, yeah, I know who we are talking about but it's not my fault. Like she said, he's my brother and I learned eons ago that beating my head against a wall till I blacked out all bloody and raw was easier and less painful than actually having a conversation with him.
I love my brother and want him to have a great life but I'm not so sure that's happening. LTG told me how he's paying for nothing (brother lost his job a year ago and is now in school for the next year) and is a huge mean ass. She thinks he will leave her in a year. So me, being me replied 'then kick his ass out. If you really think he'll leave you in a year then what have you got to lose now?'
I mean really, what did she want me to say? She tells me I can't tell my brother she has called and I'm sooo not getting into a conversation with my brother about his relationship right now. I would imagine things are tough and maybe she just needed to vent and tell me how my brother told her he didn't want her and the kids to come to my parents. But OMG!!! Don't hand me a grenade and then tell me I can't throw it!
I was on the phone for an hour trying to get LTG to calm down and stop sobbing. Then I can't even do anything about it.
Yes, I left it alone and didn't bring it up to my brother or my parents - maybe she wanted me to say something but when someone says I can't then I can't!
Sunday night was dinner and I lasted maybe 3 hours. I was exhausted and I felt horrible that I had to finally just get away from everyone and get in my jammas with my hubby and be alone with him. Bob totally understood but I'm sure my Dad wondered why we left so soon after dinner. We're usually there until midnight - I was gone by 8:30pm.
We made it up to my Dad by going the following day for an afternoon visit and a few games.
Well, the weekend is over and I'm recovering bit by bit. My brain is still trying to flay me alive and my tummy is still sending warning shots but it's much better. The tummy meltdown Saturday night was killer but it's settling down.
And this year Bob and I are hosting Christmas.
Do you think that means someone else will get the phone calls and the bad news?
I'm evil enough to say 'God, I hope so!!'
Drama Free Christmas.
That's the plan.
Friday, October 09, 2009
My Gorgeous Cousin was blind sided by the news and it was just all that was horrid. I broke my baby girl's heart and in reality it is bigger than that. I realized after wards that I had really changed the way her life is heading.
God, she was happy and thought that her boyfriend had been really sweet to her recently. They hadn't been fighting as much and things were getting better for them.
A part of me broke tonight. Hearing her cry and knowing I could do nothing but hold onto her and cry with her. The worst was how she listened to what I said. I held her hand, told her how much we loved her but that we had bad news. She listened and then murmured that she was sorry when she started crying. She apologized for crying! My brave, wonderful cousin didn't want to have to cry in front of us.
I reached out for her and she collapsed - we were in the backseat of our car with Bob driving. It was when she said 'I just love him so much' that I broke down and cried with her. It tore me apart. I'm getting teary eyed just thinking about it.
She wanted to see what had been written we drove to our house and we logged on here. I rubbed her back as she read what her boyfriend had written to another girl. And we left her to have some privacy while it all sank in.
She doesn't know what she's going to do. That was hard. Bob and I have definite ideas of what she should do but we let her know that any decision she made would be supported by us.
As of now, she doesn't plan on confronting him because it's the long weekend up here and she doesn't want to ruin her Thanksgiving. And here I am, wishing that I had waited until after Thanksgiving now. Bob said it would have just been harder if I had waited to say anything. I don't know. I broke down after we left her alone for a bit in the den - we went into the living room and I started to sob. I asked Bob if there was a special place in hell for what I had just done. Bob, loving me the way he does, got mad and told me to never say anything like that again. But I wonder.
I changed the course of my Gorgeous Cousins life tonight armed with only love and hugs. I don't know that that was enough.
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
This is personal crap so pull the rip cord if you aren't ready. Truly, I'll understand.
I have a Gorgeous Cousin. I call her 'My Baby Girl' and I'm sure I've confused a few people with that reference over the years but I can't seem to stop calling her that even though she is now 23 years old. The good news is she loves her 'crazy' cousin Cindy.
She has truly grown into a remarkable woman. I don't want to say too much about her just in case. I know many people say how wonderful a certain person is but seriously, this young woman is all that is great.
She met a guy when she was young. I'm going to say she was around 17. This young guy was 2-3 years older than her and I have to say he is quirky to say the least. Hey, first love and all that. Only, first love has lasted through the years.
A year ago he broke up with my Gorgeous Cousin and Bob and I were ready to break limbs. Basically GC caught him texting another girl etc. GC was hurt but instead of dealing with stuff the guy dumped her. There were many other things that were going on and the trust issues were enormous.
I'll be honest and say, that although I was broken-hearted for my GC I knew it was going to be a good thing. Within weeks my GC was coming out of her shell, she was more active, going out more and everything. Then she met a hunky guy. Hunky guy chewed her up and spit her out. I tried to tell her not to worry, he was just a rebound and it was going to be okay.
Then the old boyfriend showed back up saying how he made a mistake and saying all the things GC needed to hear. She was nervous to tell us they were back together but once again, we love her and we'll support her so back in our lives he came.
It's now one year later.
I'm praying that something has happened that my GC just didn't want to tell Bob and I about. I'm on my knees people!
The thing about my family members is they play their cards close to their chests. Where I will blurt out anything that happens to me moment afterwards, the rest of my family seems to keep major life changes to themselves. Bob has said on more than one occasion, 'call your mother and make sure your Dad landed safely. Lord knows he be dead and buried before she thought to call us'. Yes, it's dark but it's very close to the mark.
So I'm hoping my GC showed her boyfriend the door. Cause if she hasn't I'm going to have to break her heart. And I'm sick about it.
Facebook can be all that is good but boy, you better know what you are doing. I'm going to call the boyfriend 'asshat' for the rest of this post.
Asshat plays a game I play called Yoville. There is a whole other level of things in Yoville with gifts and messages being left in your apartment (it's like a mini world where you work, shop, decorate (this is where the game snagged me). There is also the other aspect of the game having to do with 'rares' and trading. I have been sucked into the buy/sell parts of the game and have ended up with some stuff that other players just haven't seen before because they are no longer available in the game.
So Asshat comments about 'where do find such neat stuff!?' and I explain only he's family so I was looking out for a few things that were different and cheap.
Tonight I found something and with happiness I zapped into his apartment (people don't have to be online, your avatar stays active in the game) and gifted it to him. Then I wanted to leave a little message about it so I opened his message board and saw a message that was not in the least platonic.
So I clicked on this girl's name and went to her apartment in Yoville and clicked on her message board and YOWZA!!
By this time I can barely breathe. Bob's not home from his business meeting yet and I call him immediately. I start all flustered and upset and Bob suggests this 'girl' is just another name for GC. Uh, no. I know it's not but I decide, sure I'll follow that logic. So I dig a little further and it's not good. It's really not good.
I think it started in May/June and this girl (I'm using the word girl for a reason) is not exactly a woman. So I'm also freaking out about that but she is legal as far as I can tell. (Thank God for small favours!)
In a nut shell, I have to talk to my GC. Once again, I'm on my knees begging that she gave him the boot and just hasn't wanted to tell us. We were with her 2 weekends ago and he wasn't there and I probed a bit but he's lost his job and money is tight and he lives in another city. So, it was logical that he wouldn't be there.
My Dad just got home for a 10 day visit, it's Canada's Thanksgiving this weekend and I have to find time to break my baby girl's heart. I asked Bob if we should wait until after the weekend and Bob asked me what I would do if she showed up with Asshat.
I know Bob would try and hold me back but then he'd also be trying not to beat the crap out of him. We're not violent people so know it's just what we want to do and not what we would do. We're just so mad.
That said, my GC doesn't deserve this. She really is beautiful (she got a bit of Liv Tyler in her and last month Bob opened US Weekly and saw a picture of Kate (the woman Prince William is engaged to) and it was as if it was a picture of my GC). Add to that, what she does for living, the love she has for the people in her life, the time she takes to make gifts for all of us and yes, that fun humour that my family has that others don't always appreciate.
She deserves a man. A grown man who has ambition and priorities.
I once told her she just hadn't found her 'Bob' and that I knew he was out there for her, she just had to find him.
So I guess that answers one of those questions people sometimes ask.
If you know someone is cheating on someone you love, do you tell them.
Yeah, I do. Even though it's going to suck and be horrible.
But maybe, just maybe, we aren't in the loop and things will turn out just fine.
Bob and I will be going out to see her on Thursday night. How I hope and I pray.
Thanks for reading this. I was hoping I would be able to calm down through writing this but I haven't and I can't.
If I'm lucky, I can take the 'Asshat' name back but uh, yeah, he was still dating my GC when he was messaging this girl.