Friday, October 09, 2009

Worse Thing I've Ever Had To Do

I'm sitting here wondering if I've ever had to do something as bad as I had to today and really I can't remember anything this terrible.

My Gorgeous Cousin was blind sided by the news and it was just all that was horrid. I broke my baby girl's heart and in reality it is bigger than that. I realized after wards that I had really changed the way her life is heading.

God, she was happy and thought that her boyfriend had been really sweet to her recently. They hadn't been fighting as much and things were getting better for them.

A part of me broke tonight. Hearing her cry and knowing I could do nothing but hold onto her and cry with her. The worst was how she listened to what I said. I held her hand, told her how much we loved her but that we had bad news. She listened and then murmured that she was sorry when she started crying. She apologized for crying! My brave, wonderful cousin didn't want to have to cry in front of us.

I reached out for her and she collapsed - we were in the backseat of our car with Bob driving. It was when she said 'I just love him so much' that I broke down and cried with her. It tore me apart. I'm getting teary eyed just thinking about it.

She wanted to see what had been written we drove to our house and we logged on here. I rubbed her back as she read what her boyfriend had written to another girl. And we left her to have some privacy while it all sank in.

She doesn't know what she's going to do. That was hard. Bob and I have definite ideas of what she should do but we let her know that any decision she made would be supported by us.

As of now, she doesn't plan on confronting him because it's the long weekend up here and she doesn't want to ruin her Thanksgiving. And here I am, wishing that I had waited until after Thanksgiving now. Bob said it would have just been harder if I had waited to say anything. I don't know. I broke down after we left her alone for a bit in the den - we went into the living room and I started to sob. I asked Bob if there was a special place in hell for what I had just done. Bob, loving me the way he does, got mad and told me to never say anything like that again. But I wonder.

I changed the course of my Gorgeous Cousins life tonight armed with only love and hugs. I don't know that that was enough.


Kat O+ said...

You did a brave thing, Cindy, and you did it with so much love and sensitivity. I think your cousin is very lucky to have you in her corner. I wish her (and you) the best.

Kristie (J) said...

I know you are both hurting - but you did what was best. And it could have been so much worse - she might have found out some other way instead of by a loving aunt who truly cares for her.
I know it's not much of a consolation for her now - but 23 really is still so young. There is lots of time for her to find someone who really deserves her - though I know her young heart doesn't see that right now.


Megan Frampton said...

You are so brave to have done this, and you are just crazy honorable. Your baby girl will be good with your decision later on in life, and I hope she recovers from this asshat soon.

~ames~ said...

Hey Cindy, you did a very brave thing. And you did it because you love your cousin so much. I think that's enough.

I was cheated on and some members of my family knew and didn't tell me. That hurt, hurt worse than knowing I was being cheated on. But it's definitely not happy news and it's going to hurt no matter what. I think your way was a good way.

Mary G said...

You brave brave girl. You worry that you changed her life. What if you changed it for the better? We regret more what we should have done (and didn't) than the things we did with the facts we had at the time & with the very best of intentions. I didn't meet Charlie till I was 27. Up till then it was all "now I know what I don't want in a guy". This will make her appreciate the guy that deserves her even more. (((hugs)))to you & Bob.

nath said...

Awwww, Cindy, I'm sooo sorry to hear how hard this was :( however, in long-term, it's for the best... and the sooner she finds out, the better.

She has time to figure out how to confront him and if he sweet-talk her this week-end, she'll know better :(

It's hard and it hurts, but seriously, you did what every good friend should do. I'm glad that she believed you.

Rowena said...

You did a good and very brave thing, Cindy. Had I been in GC's place, I would have wanted to know. She's lucky to have you and Bob. I wish her all the best in the future.

LinnieGayl said...

Oh, Cindy, *Big hugs*. You did exactly the right thing. I feel so badly for you and your cousin.

CindyS said...

Thanks everybody - I've been avoiding the thinking part of everything.

I'm so glad to hear from people who had it happen to them (hugs Ames!! You deserve the world so don't you dare settle!!).

Sure, I had a boyfriend who cheated on me and dumped me but I was 17 at the time. And he dumped me which I'm forever grateful for! I can only hope and pray she will realize she is worthy of so much more. I think it's the fear of being alone that she is fighting.

She believes she's really in love with him. In the same breath she tells me about a key code that is on her computer that logs in the keys you type because she didn't trust him. Sure enough, he gets off the computer and when she checks there are no keys that were touched. In other words, he knows it's there and he disables it when he logs on. (He was last caught chatting on MSN with another girl and saying things that weren't right)

I'm not sure how she's making it all right for him to do this to her.


Okay, I'll stop talking for a bit and give you all a break ;)