If only it was a funny SNL skit.
Sorry, run now before you get sucked in!
Basically you may remember my dad is in Malaysia working and while he's been gone on this stint my mother has decided to re-model the den without any input from my dad (in fact, he knows nothing about it and won't until he comes in the door).
Bob's only comment was 'I'm not painting his trim'. Like most men, my father loves stained wood. Period. I have painted white trim and I sure as hell wouldn't let Bob tell me something was 'not paintable'. Anyways, we're respecting his ways.
My mother, bless her heart is even trying to make the den something dad would like. I mean seriously, if Bob was gone for 8 weeks at a time I would be doing designer chic things everywhere just so he would get mad and not leave again. My mother must be trying the 'get more with honey' approach.
So, the 24 year old carpet was torn up (this room is 10 x 11) and Bob installed new hardwood floors.
Something you need to know before the rest of the story can be told. Buckle in!
Bob and I have sanded and stained a few floors in our time. The very first time we did it was in our own house and it was the really old kind of floor. It took us a solid week of sanding, staining and varathaning. (We also got extreme chest colds because we didn't wear masks!) We are at the finishing stages and Bob had to hammer something in and WHAM, he dropped the hammer on the floor and a dent appeared in our lovingly restored hardwood floors. Bob swore and I knew he was going to get all worked up and without a beat I said 'Oh, a character mark! Perfect!'
I must have shocked Bob because his reaction stopped. Then he kind of grumbled and I told him there was no point getting upset and the floors were 50 years old and they looked like brand new with some character added in.
After that, anything that got dented without meaning or slopped on you immediately heard 'character mark!'.
My father was floored on our first reno project when he did something that he thought was atrocious (he let the sander stand in one place and created a 12" long divet a golf ball would lean in to). He went pale in the face and I yelled out (cause the machine was still on) 'character mark!'. He looked at me like I was crazy. Bob wasn't there and I think dad was worried he was going to get blasted. So that night I tell Bob what happened but I told him not to try and joke with my dad about it like 'OMG, WTF!!'
Sure enough my dad goes to point it out to Bob expecting a 'carpet call' and Bob looks at it and says 'just a character mark, no problem'. My father fell in love with the term after that.
The next reno house my father yelled out 'character mark' with glee whenever Bob or I went to have a fit about something we did wrong.
Ho-kay, we're all caught up.
So, Bob goes last Saturday to install brand new floors at my mom's house. I'm sleeping and I heard my brother was going to show up so I didn't worry. When I get up Bob's home and all finished and just excited to have me go and see the floor.
We go over and I look. Gorgeous. Only, wait. What's that over there?
Bob and Mom continue to look at the threshold and wax poetic and I decide that maybe I shouldn't point out that one of the floor boards was not properly placed and that there was a 1/4" gap on the other side of the room.
I'm not sure what happened after that but Bob must have got my goat or something because I suddenly said 'What's up with this?' and pointed out the gap.
Bob sees it and gasps. 'Oh, I can fix that no problem'
Two crowbars later and lots of 'how did I miss that!?' and upset followed. My mother was glaring at me and telling Bob everything was fine but Bob's all 'this is a major deal!' followed by 'Cindy, why weren't you here earlier to supervise!!'
Seeing the hash about to be thrown my way I start saying 'what a wonderful character mark. I mean, really, the floor needed a little character.'
After much time Bob's feathers settle back down.
Then we start.
I swear my mother has a new impression of Bob's and my marriage.
Bob's in the room calling to me and I walk in.
Me: Where are you?
Me: I can't see you.
Bob: *catching on* I'm down in the ginormous hole, come help me out!
While shopping for a sofa:
Me: I'm worried about the weight of this sofa.
Bob: You can suck it up for all of 10 feet.
Me: Yes I could but, it's the Grand Canyon in the middle of the floor I'm worried about, we may need to get some pack mules.
While deciding on the depth of the sofa:
Bob: The deeper the better.
Mom: Meh, not into deep couches.
Bob: A deeper couch will cover the cliff in the floor while a smaller one might disappear.
Bob and I in the car with Mom:
Bob: You know, a big screen TV would be great in that room.
Me: Bob! Mom has a budget and you don't need to be egging her on to buy more stuff.
Mom: No, I was thinking about buying a new flat screen for in there.
Bob: Great idea, it'll draw Bill's eye and he won't notice the gaping hole in the floor.
The good news is we're having fun with it and my mother has been laughing. Bob said the other day that my mother seems happier whether it's because she's doing stuff to keep busy or because she's seeing her daughter more.
It's so not because of me!
I've definitely grown though. The other night Bob was talking about wiring and stuff he was going to do in the morning. And I said 'whatever, I'll be sleeping' and my mother pipes up 'useless as usual' to which she got a huge 'Excuse me!' And then I just laughed.
I do lots of stuff, it just so happens I do it while everyone is asleep and leaving me alone!
Trust me, it's best for everyone.
It's just everyone (my mother) doesn't realize it.
Okay, this is lengthy so I'll do this as part one of my new epic novel:
HOLY CRAP WHEN WILL IT END!? (I'm looking at mid November people! That kind of sustained energy and planning freaks me the hell out!)
Cindy Loses Her Mind.
Course, that would be no biggie as I'm not really sane to begin with.