It's midnight and I shouldn't be awake. I was working my way around the clock cause of the weekend engagements.
Sunday around 3pm if you hear a giant 'WHOOF' that would be me falling into my lovely down comforter and pillow to fall into my sleep coma.
Until then I'm working on my crummy mood. I've been forgetting to take my pills.
Easy! Not what you think!
I have a pill dispenser (see I get smarter as I get older) so I remember on a daily basis to take my 2 silly pills for anxiety. Dang. And here's where I get dumber - if I don't have a drink already going when I take the pills out of the container I put them in my pocket cause we're usually heading out the door and when we get to dinner I'll take them.
You see where this is going right?
I've been finding the damn things in my pocket at night. I'm not quite sure how many days I've missed in the past week but I would say probably 3 out of 7. Would explain the headaches and now my feelings of just being a lump of meat sucking the life out of all those around me.
I'm a princess aren't I?
Turns out I'm missing that little job that no one else would care about but thankfully AAR has a poll running so that is keeping me busier than I was a week ago. With nothing to do. Nothing.
This stupid feeling then moves into every thing. I should vacuum - meh, tomorrow. I need to get the house clean before the party - meh, tomorrow and on and on. Well it's now Wednesday early AM and the party is Saturday. The house needs a general cleaning and then I need to buy all the food for the party and find my friggin' smile.
And get my sleep into a pattern that I won't be a hassle to deal with on Sat and Sun. No one likes a grumpy princess.
I'll be using my mantra that gets me through many things in life nowadays.
It's not about me.
This is a retirement party for my Aunt who has worked hard all her life to put a roof over her and her daughter's head, put said daughter through college and lived an independent life without financial help from anyone. She's accomplished so much and we're all so proud of her.
She's the reason for the party. It's about her and the new part of her life she is embarking on.
So screw my mood and my fears. It's not about me. I can just be in the background and watch the event unfold. I don't have to carry the party or worry that things will go wrong. If anyone knows about rolling with things it's my Aunt. Something goes wrong and she shrugs it off and says 'oh well, we tried'.
That's what I have to remember.
As to the other stuff prying at my brain - I don't have the time right now. You can sit on my chest and bitch at me next week. This week, I'm busy!