Keeping It Together

I'm just slightly freaking out.

I can't explain it but hey, I'm always game to try.

See, for 2 years my Dad has been in Malaysia so Bob and I would drop in and pick my Mom up and take her out to dinner. Now, it was tough in the beginning but with some panic pills I managed and finally got to the point that I didn't need the pills anymore.

Now my Dad is back full-time and well, I knew it was going to happen. I should mention I had my family trained to know that I didn't go out to restaurants. I never explained and they eventually figured out that I wasn't budging from my house to go to a restaurant.

Now I've been going with my Mom for the past year and Dad is home and excited to go out to dinner with the three of us (Bob, me and Mom). I gave myself a talking to earlier this month about how I was going to be 40 and way too mature to have silly things like panic attacks.

Turns out I'm a big baby.

My father called last night to ask Bob and I to dinner at a restaurant - I couldn't go because I had been up since 2am and trying to sit at a dinner table was beyond me. So Bob lied and told him I had gone to bed 1/2 hour before (I did go to bed later on) but that maybe we could go today.

It's 11am and I'm a wee bit beside myself. I try not to let my brain wander to 5pm but when it does I get a jolt. I think I'm walking the line of anxiety and I don't know whether to take a pill now, wait until 4pm or what. I've only ever taken 2 pills but my doc has said you take as many as you need in a day. I never really thought about it because I usually know 'take pill now' kind of thing and I have never needed more than 2.

I so don't want to google this drug because I'm sure I'll just see a bunch of stuff that'll make me even more anxious and who needs that. Gah.

I'm going to take one now and see if I can calm down.

Anxiety truly sucks. I also have an appt on Tuesday with the anxiety clinic - did it 10 years ago but hey, maybe they have drugs that don't cause weight gain! Could happen. So I think that is playing into this as well.

Enough complaining. Off to calm down.