Yep, this should be a short post.
I'm in an epic reading slump.
I haven't been this bad in years and nothing except a brand new Anne Stuart will get me to pick up a book.
Oh sure, I have the token book I'm carrying around and when I end up trapped somewhere or in a line I pull the book out and try.
Try. Pathetic really but I haven't read one sentence that makes me want to drop every thing and hole up with my 'Don't even think about talking to me' sign posted.
If I think too hard on it I get sad so I'm skirting the issue. Maybe I'm over romance.
Wait, not true! I recently rented Pirates III and I was thoroughly annoyed by the ending. I won't spoil it for anyone but it didn't work for me which means I really do like my HEAs.
I look too much into the future and don't bask in the present.
I would posit (cool, eh? I think I even used it correctly) that most anxious people rarely live in the moment. We are constantly peaking into the future and mentally arranging things to make our lives more comfortable.
Then, to turn the world topsy-turvy, when we are in the middle of something extremely provoking, time seems to stand still and there is no escape.
I spend a good deal of my life getting people to NOT depend on me for anything. Bob can depend on me but anyone else? Forget it. I'm a let down on most days.
I realized this the other day when my friend was casually (*cough* bullshit *cough) mentioning how she needed someone to pick up her son. At first I was 'hey, I can do that' and then I remembered how not so good I am at stuff like that. So I back-pedaled. Since the boy in question is my Godson I pretty much suck.
It seems my back-pedaling didn't trump her need of me doing said task. Thus, I must get up and go pick up her son from school which is 20 minutes from where we live and get him home. I swear I will never open my mouth around her again.
I know what you are thinking. WTF? How hard is it to be there for your friend? Yep. I mentioned I suck right? What people don't understand is how something that should be simple becomes overwhelming for a person like me.
'What if I don't fall asleep in time to get enough sleep before picking up my boy?' 'What if I don't feel well?' 'What if I let someone down again?' 'Did I write that note reminding myself to not forget?' 'What if I sleep in?' Don't get me started on how my brain starts to organize stuff to get around the situation. Okay, afterwards you will have to visit with your friend (which is fun and yet it's before Christmas and stuff needs to get done), you need to check and see if your mom needs her drive plowed, pick up ice and water and stop at grocery store (which I hate and avoid when my brain even remotely gives me an out) and ....
Repeat until you are pacing. Then repeat some more.
The reason all this 'blurgh' came up was me thinking about how after the New Year I was going to finally focus on decorating our house. Nobody needing me for anything, or celebrations, or birthdays (okay, that's never true), or visiting. Nothing. Just me and time.
On that note I'm almost afraid to go back a few years and read what I wrote during this same time. I'm betting anxiety, time for myself and a view to things getting better were all there.
I need a new schtick.