I May Have Sinned

I didn't let you all in on a little something I did this weekend.

I mean, I have street cred as a lazy bum and revealing what I did could tarnish my well worn image. Thing is, it got funny and I'm all about sharing the funny.

Bob and I have been married for eleven years and when we were first got engaged I did my level best to have a dinner prepared for my fiance most nights of the week. Hell, he was even helping in the kitchen!

Anyways.

My fiance thought Puritan Beef Stew was fan-freakin'-tastic and I secretly smiled because when I finally get around to cooking him real stew, he'll think I'm all that. Oh and how he would wax poetic about my lasagna.

Yeah, my man could appreciate my skills in the kitchen.

Then we get married.

Suddenly my chicken is too dry and Bob eats around the 'dry' parts.

We go to my mom's one night and she makes lasagna. Well, you would think it was delivered to Bob on angel's wings the way he went on and on. My mother wasn't even in the room and he would go on about how fab it was! Best lasagna he ever had, was the mantra he carried on about on the way home.

I make homemade stew for the first time ever and my man, the one who appreciates me, says 'huh, I like the stuff from the can better'.

Now, I'm a person who needs motivation. I'm sure that is not news to you all and many of you haven't even seen me in person. You would think the man I'm married to would realize that all these little comments would cause me to find no reason to actually cook anymore. Afterall, it wasn't like the food was being appreciated.

It get's worse.

My husband will not eat left overs.

Ever.

Since there are only two of us in the house, it doesn't make a bunch of sense to me (the extremely logical and lazy one) to cook a meal that will be more than we can eat in one sitting and which will not be touched again! I can't buy a little turkey and roast it up for Bob and I because he won't eat it the next day. MY husband showed up at my mother's house with a frozen pizza on Boxing Day his first Christmas because he wouldn't eat left overs.

Yep, my family just stared at him oddly while he hummed and ate his pizza.

Gah!!

So for the last four years I would say we eat out most nights. Or order in, whatever. And if we cook it's pasta which I don't really like unless I cook it, put it in the fridge for a few hours and then reheat it or it's something like toast and peanut butter, grill cheese, etc.

Seeing as how I was brought up on meat and potatoes, it's only obvious that my body would crave home cooked meals. Now, I was sick over the Easter weekend and my Aunt (whom I love tons and tons and tons) pre-cooked the turkey the day before and thus, I didn't get my feed bag on.

Wow! Talk about a long way to go to find a point! Bear with me now.

Sunday afternoon I decide I must make a meat and potato meal and gravy is an absolute must. Bob, has been buying those pre-made roasts that are made from beef and taste like crap only Bob thinks it's the most tender stuff he's ever had. *gag*

So I buy prime rib because I *think* it's the best cut of roasting meat you can buy. ( I have to check because it seemed very fatty to me)

I cook it all up and shave some roast for Bob because I know he doesn't like slabs of meat.

Well! He goes on and on about how fabulous it is but hey, it's been four years since I've even really bothered to cook for just Bob and I and I'm not really buying his sincerity. I'm thinking he'll do anything to cut down on our dining out costs and I think he may have figured out that not praising my cooking has caused this dearth of home cooked meals.

So there was this small pittance of meat left over that I had shaved into itty bitty pieces and I mention to Bob that he could maybe put it on a bun and put some cheese on it and melt it in the microwave for lunch the next day. Not that I thought he would but hey, he likes Arby's roast beef sandwiches which again, *gag* but then, I guess I like to talk. *snort*

Here is the e-mail I received yesterday from my man:

Hi Sweetie,

I just finished my roast beef sandwich. I have two thoughts:

1) I have been missing out on this whole leftover thing for far too long. The gigs up. Get ready to split them from now on.

2) You need to schedule roast beef made from prime rib Tuesday’s, Wednesday’s, Friday’s and Saturday’s.

Uuummmm, Roast Beef, yummy.

Love ya babe,

Bobby

The gigs up indeed. I think Bob has learned that fawning praise is the only thing that he will get me back into the kitchen. It only took 12 years but I think Bob may have just figured his woman out!