Christmas Shopping

Here come some serious revelations about my character.

When I was a poor, poor student it was all I could do to buy Christmas gifts for my family. I had 7 people to buy for but, I would try and spoil my cousin who was still a kid and my parents because they spoiled me. Now that doesn't seem so bad but, 5 of those people had birthdays in November and December. My mom's was in January and by then my credit card was too clogged to get her much. So, there were twelve major gifts to buy and I made minimum wage while paying my way through university. To say December was a hard month financially is an understatement.

Then I met Bob and my list grew by a whole, whole bunch. Twelve more major gifts were added to the mix and then I had to buy Bob Christmas gifts also. Early in the marriage things were tight and when we got hit with Christmas it took us almost three months of bill re-arranging to get through the holidays. Back then my Grandmother did Christmas cards in the tree that were opened last. There would be her $20 to get ourselves a little extra something. Gram spoiled us rotten as it was but that $20 would get Bob and I groceries until payday back then. Thank God for Gram!

Now, I may have mentioned that Christmas is not a delightful time for me because my brain likes to throw some chemicals around for shits and giggles. Holiday shopping just seemed to ramp up that almost manic anxiety. I think this kind of shopping lasted for the first 5 years of our marriage.

Here's where I should mention that for some reason, mall's are horrifically hot for me. More so at Christmas time. Yeah, you want your employees comfortable but most people have to go shopping with warm clothes on so, standing in lines 20 deep waiting for your turn in a winter coat that causes rivulets of sweat to pour between your cleavage is a recipe for disaster.

Attention to Mall management: Turn on your frickin' air conditioning and make sure your employees are properly clothed in warm attire. This will keep the crowds from turning on you. Course, it just could be me that gets the overwhelming urge to start physically moving people the hell out of my way so I can get out of the store ASAP.

Bob has seen one too many of these episodes and it ain't pretty. I was once a cashier so I know that there is a certain amount of time that needs to be spent checking someone out but, I used to be able to blow through a line in minutes compared to the one customer per 10 minutes that these malls seem to be running at.

So, too much heat and I get bitchy. This wouldn't be a problem but then I get mouthy. Not loud enough to get caught because I try to be sympathetic to the people who are checking us out but, if there is a line of 10 people and there is a group of check out girls (you know you've seen them) all standing at the next till over talking about anything except the fact that a till needs to opened, well, I get loud. Zellers where I live blows so bad at this that they have actually been standing at their till while telling someone to go to an empty till because someone will be there shortly. Meanwhile, this other person is moving shit around and acting like she doesn't see you. Yah, things get said. Uber bitch comes out and she's not worried about not getting heard.

Tonight, at American Eagle Outfitter, I just asked quite politely if the other girl (who was standing at her till doing what she considered work) was open. The girl turned to her and asked and she replied 'you're almost done with your customer'. I didn't even hesitate, I just walked my ass over to her till and dropped my stuff with a huge smile on my face. I'm beginning to think that there are people who don't want to work the tills. Me, I loved working the tills when I did it. Made the time pass much faster.

This is a long story to get where I am going! Anyways, for the past five years Bob and I have bought our Christmas gifts all throughout the year. That way it would cost us about a 100 bucks a month, we weren't shopping in crowds and we were usually done by end of October. December would be wonderful because we would actually have money not only to eat, but to go out and buy ourselves something fun after Christmas because we weren't flat broke!

For some reason, that plan got blown to kingdom come this year. I'm not sure what happened, oh wait, I remember now. We *couldn't* shop because all our spare time was being sucked up by the reno house. Phew, I'm actually glad that I just realized this because I was calling myself all kinds of names for not starting early. Now I know it wasn't because I was lazy!! Woohoo!

Oh, and I'll mention now that our Christmas list from 10 years ago seems like a dream now that our gift buying list has grown exponentially over the past 8 years. My friends are not allowed to have anymore kids!

So, this past weekend Bob and I are forced to go out to the malls. I didn't know what kind of a mess we were getting into but I prepared like I was going into a building on fire. That's right. I wore shorts and the skimpiest tank top I could find. Bob couldn't stop laughing but he thought it was a good idea to keep C-Rex (other people use honey and cutie pie but this nick name suits me to a T) from emerging while we were out. (I had my winter jacket on so I was warm because my legs can take quite a beating.)

We arrived at the mall to discover that every parking space was filled. Bob realized we were in trouble right off. I just figured we were on the wrong side of the mall. Anyways, he finally parks and off we go to the doors. I entered the mall and quickly tied my winter coat around my waist. The looks I got were hilarious but I didn't care.

The people. OMG. Intimidating! We've obviously been doing the right thing for the past few years because holy crap, people were hanging from the rafters of the building. But, I am keeping focused, not panicking (serious work to keep that in check while surrounded by way too many people) and need to get some shopping done. Guess what? I was hot within the first 20 minutes in the mall. I don't say anything to Bob because he would insist we leave and we need to get some stuff done. So off we go, beating our way through the throngs of people to get to some of the stores. Turns out some of the stores were hotter than others. I didn't know how Bob was holding it together but then he has never had the same problems as I have.

Twenty minutes later Bob turns to me and says we have to leave. 'Oh, are you okay?' I ask. 'No, you could fry french fries in my pants.' Point made. We booked.

I've been smug about my short expedition ever since. I wonder if I'll be smug when I get pneumonia?