Pity Post

I'm a woman with champagne tastes and a water budget.

No. I got the saying right.

Lordy, I'm getting tired just thinking about the bends that are going to happen in this post. Buckle up!

Eleven or so years ago I met and fell in love with a man named Bob. Bob lived in a little bungalow about 5 minutes from my parent's home. I spent my entire life living in two story homes. (not the same one because we moved a few times) Now, I was a bit of a snob but, the fact that the house Bob lived in was once the family home of his first wife was a bit off putting and I said I couldn't live in his house. The house search began that year but there were major budget constraints as Bob did not want to have a huge mortgage. Being a person who never owned a home I supposed that Bob was right.

Everything that we saw that year was so horribly depressing and downtrodden that when the year was up and we were going to marry I moved into Bob's house. I made short work of changing the decor of the house and soon people were oooohhhing and ahhhinng over the changes.

Still, it wasn't my dream house and Bob had decided that it wasn't his dream house either so we continued to look at other houses.

Ten years and we are still here.

Our saving grace is that we have bought and sold 2 other homes that we renovated and flipped with our real estate agent so he has received 4 commission sales off of us and that's more than most people do in a lifetime with one agent.

Living here wasn't bad until last year when Bob, while being sick with pneumonia, was forced out of bed and into our little shed to get our snow blower out for our neighbour. The shed is in the backyard and it takes a while to let the snow blower warm up and then you need to trench your way around the house.

Bob snapped.

Suddenly the house was too small and there was no garage and our neighbour's were changing over and the new people were setting up campers on the front lawn. Bob was a bear. Thing is we had already bought the reno house so I said I wasn't looking until we finished the other house.

Well, that house closed and my life is now a living hell.

Bob found a house that is the splitting image of my parents house which you would think would be good only, these people bought from a different builder who upcharged for every change so the house was not of the quality of my parents. Didn't matter. Bob was sold.

Suddenly, I'm feeling like Cruella DeVille because I don't really want to move to this house.

It's 20 years old and nothing has been done for upkeep. Guess what? These people are moving to a brand new home! No wonder! The carpets, trim, kitchen, windows, garage door all need to be replaced. It's just something that home owners have to do and these people (the lucky bastards) have decided to move on instead of updating.

So, Bob is pumped and says he wants to see the house again. Fine. I'll go and if Bob is moving then you better believe I'm going with him. I'm just seeing a ton of work to get the house up to snuff.

Damn. I knew my train was going to jump tracks! Hold on!

Bob and I paid off our mortgage a year ago. *trumpets blare* Yeah, we were stoked. Bob wanted to be mortgage free by the time he was 40 but there was this divorce thing so he ended up being mortgage free when he was 45. Pretty damn good. *big happy sigh*

Yeah, all was good until Bob decided we had to move. Now, I'm a logical girl and my math skills are pretty sweet AND you can't get something for nothing unless you are Paris Hilton or some other richy poo who doesn't need what you got but you give it to them for free anyways because their hawt. I'm not Paris Hilton and neither is Bob.

Bob wants a bigger house with a big garage with a big lot. No mortgage.

That's right, my brilliant husband whats some free champagne! Now, me. I would buy my dream house in a second even though we would have a mortgage. We can afford to buy a brand new home with all the stuff we want but, we would have a mortgage.

So, no.

Let's see if we can find that other track.

*grumbling, other house, not keen, no mortgage...ah!*

While revisiting this house we are set up to see another house.

Yeah, I know.

Welcome to the life of the 'significant other of a hobby house shopper'. (Bob gets grumpy when I tell him he is a hobby shopper - c'mon, ten years people!!)

Bob's thinking about what we are going to offer on the house until we pull up outside of the second house. I'm already in love. Bob falls in love.

We go inside and everything is country. I don't like country but, whatever, I can redecorate. The house has a soul which I so didn't feel in the other house. Bob is sold. I'm thinking we may have done it.

Then *I* get slammed by the asking price (emphasis on I because Bob already knew what they were asking). Whadya say? Are you friggin' kidding me!? But, then I'm thinking it's okay because we can go in and offer firm and we might be able to get it. Problem is the house has been on the market for a week so they are not going to accept our offer because they haven't even had an open house. Not only that, the house is 18 years old and there are some issues.

Remember the no mortgage man? He's saying we can buy it and all I can think is that Bob doesn't want a mortgage and this will tie him to a job he hasn't been enjoying for a while and, well, okay, I started panicking (not a panic attack, just normal stuff).

The story ends with Bob flip-flopping between which house he would like to live in and me saying forget the first house because I'm not moving there. By the time we hit our driveway (5 minute drive) I've decided I'm not moving anywhere and I'm never looking at houses again.

Bob calls our agent to get the lay of the land on the second house and comes to tell me that the agent thinks the house will go for asking price. I was thinking 40 grand below asking.

That's it. I'm done. Tears are being shed because I don't have a job and don't contribute and well, pity party erupts.

On that note, I'm not looking at any more houses for a very long time. I can't say never because I have before and Bob has wheedled me into going but, I really don't need to look at houses that we aren't going to buy because we'll have a mortgage. Hey, if we are going to have a mortgage then I want to buy a lot and have our dream house built. That idea has been falling on deaf ears.

Pity party is now over. Well, I haven't started singing yet. (Get it, fat lady, singing ... am I the only one who thinks I'm funny? Yeah, I thought so.)