Happy Cindy is still on hiatus and hasn't left a forwarding address.
Things are in a spiraling-out-of-control mess of emotional drudge but we're working on it. By we I mean my doctor may have actually seen the light when Grumpy Cindy made an entrance at my recent appointment. I swear she can't hear what I'm saying half the time because I get a diatribe about how my anxiety will always be a part of my life.
Ah, yeah. No shit. Had it since I was 10 years old and I figure it'll hang with me until the day I die but this is about my 'I'm willing to kill you' attitude that has been dogging me for the past month and a half. I mean, I normally have a touch of 'don't mess with me' but wanting to slap someone in the back of the head while standing in line is sooo not me.
No, I wasn't in Depot.
Those are total gimmes. I have a right to smack people there.
Also the feeling of every thing being just too much. I already live the life of royalty (don't cook, clean only when I feel like it and pretty much get out of the house everyday with a great hubby) so feeling overwhelmed is just plain silly. And mopey. And mopey sucks butt.
So when Grumpy Cindy sighed and said 'Well, if this is me then I guess that's it.' there must have been something in my tone. I was definitely defeated and tired of trying to explain what was going on to my doctor, after all, I'd been trying to explain it for the last few visits.
She told me I was the one who was going to have to tell her if the meds weren't working and what course we would now take.
Ah, HELLO!! Isn't that what I've been trying to say for months!!!
Apparently I speak fluent stupid when I'm at the docs office.
So we have a plan. THANK you JAY-sus!!!
Plans make me happy.
Maybe some nightmares and headaches while decreasing the current pill and then a new mood pill. Mmmm, a better mood. I'm so in!
As to nightmares, the ones I had last week were so scary I had no clue what I had been watching to have such things. I hate anything to do with people on fire and well, my one dream was horrific in this account. So when she said I might have vivid dreams while weaning off I was all, 'can't be worse than what I have been having!'.
Let's hope my subconscious doesn't see that as a challenge.
With all this you probably already know that reading is placing about last place in things I can do right now. Reading can be too hard when my brain is in obsessive mode. Too much 'I should do some laundry, oh, did I buy such and such, crap, what time is it, will I be able to sleep today, I need a hair cut...' You get the picture.
Good news is I'm buying many of the Christmas gifts I've been needing to get to.
Bob is on his way home now and suggested we go Christmas shopping. Okay. Not that I think he knows what we need to be looking for but I can get out of the house for a bit!
And finally, a little fun for the dog lovers. I immediately thought of Ames and Max when I saw this commercial.