Wednesday, August 22, 2007

New Rules (for Poor Bob)

So I'll start with some of the funny things from today.

First, don't bother taking your hubby shoe shopping. Nope, I made the mistake and well, it's not good for C-Rex.

My hubby, may the Lord bless him, is worried about my comfort while at a certain wedding in two weeks. I, however, am worried about looking 'fly'.

You're right, I can't pull off that kind of lingo.

Maybe I just don't want to look dowdy.

Did I mention my hubby is colour blind? Yeah.

So anyways I've dragged the poor man to three different stores on a Tuesday night. That would be a work night for y'all not knowing what the significance of the date is.

Hubby has been pulling shoes that look like Birkenstock (my hand to God!) off the shelf saying how these would be good for the wedding.

By the fourth time I asked him to stop trying to help but, every pair of shoes I grabbed to try on he would get all huffy and tell me my feet would hurt.

Now I'm not saying he's wrong. I just haven't found the right pair of shoes but you would think I could get some support from my love on trying to look nice.

OH!! Second - I don't know who decided to bring back super pointy toed shoes but if you have a size 10 foot like I do, you look like a giant ski slope. A witchy giant ski slope.

And honey, my junk does not look right perched precariously on a ski jump.

Hell no!

Like an elephant on the head of a pin.

(Bloody sexy looking though aren't they! Maybe on a skinny woman with a size 6)

Meanwhile I would love nothing more than to find shoes like the pair on the right in a shorter heel and about 550 bucks cheaper. I mean, really, not so much to ask.

Wait, where was I?

Right!

Basically, Bob has now pushed all my buttons and we're going home cause there are heavy objects (foot measure things) in every aisle and I don't need to spend the night with Bob at emerg.

So, we're in the van and I'm miffed and Bob's pissy and I'm all 'look, I look scruffy on a daily basis, I just want to look nice for one night, okay!'

Bob's all, 'You always look nice (the man is blind but that's part of the love) and what makes you think anyone is going to be looking at your shoes!? The only thing people are going to notice are your boobs!' Bob starts to pretend he's meeting someone 'Hi, I'm Bob and these are my wife's breasts.'

By which point I'm laughing. And yeah, I remember now I have to get the dress altered to 'lock and load' my bumps (or my lovely lady humps - every time I think I've heard it all I hear this song and think 'when exactly did we get to this point?' although I luurrrrve the Thong Song but I sing 'dong, da-dong, dong, dong'!) Damn, now I have to put it up - not work friendly!




So, I have to get my dress altered and buy new shoes without Bob's presence in the background.

Looks like daytime Cindy needs to make an appearance.

I'll try and give you all a two day notice but I can't promise anything.

NEXT!!

I'm the bill payer in the house. I do all the bills. All of them. Bob doesn't have to look at one, doesn't even have to think about them. He has his happy go lucky credit cards and well, the man's been a little too happy with the Home Depot.

Now I have suggested a number of times that Bob can take over the finances at any time but he likes just doing his thing and not worrying. That's for me and hey, I don't work so I'm A-okay with it. I even hide money (Bob knows I do this and loves when he's on vacation and discovers I have saved enough for a treat or two) and Bob has no clue where any of our bank accounts are. My parents think it's hilarious.

Blah, blah, blah, right!

Happy Go Lucky is about to become Pouty No Depot.

There is a certain time in every relationship that we have to step back and take stock and that's where we are with Home Depot.

So I tell Bob a few days ago that I'm thinking at the end of the month we trade our credit cards with each other and just keep one for emergencies. I see the shock in his eyes but I figure I'll just put it out there for a few days. (We've done this before because I too can become a little too enamoured of 'my precious' credit card - smooch)

This morning Bob is saying something about the shed and I say, 'well, you better get it done because I'm taking the HD card and the Rona card away'.

Silence.

THEN!

Bob: 'You wanna batten down the hatches, oh I'll show you how to batten down hatches. Yeah! No more eating out!

Me: Good I need to lose weight.

Bob: No more books!

Me: My TBR pile is massive, I can handle it.

*sputter*

Bob: No more Homesense (fav store for home design stuff)

Cindy: *shrug*

Bob: *pout*

I leave the room and I hear Bob telling Cody how his mom (that'd be me) is a meanie and doesn't like anyone to have fun.

A few minutes later I hear this horrendous noise and realize Bob is marching into the room croaking 'I work, hard for the money, I work, hard for the money, I work hard for the money so I can go to Home Depot!'

Me: How do you feel about being poor in retirement?

Bob: Shutup!! *pout*

Seriously, he's so cute when he lashes out although that threat about not eating out almost got me!!

Poor Bob. I felt so bad I said he could spend a 100 bucks -

Bob: A day!!

Me: Now you get nothing.

Course now he's getting me back because he bought my birthday gift today. He always does that and then says how he's not sure he can wait until the day of for me to open it. I play hard to get but tonight I was all 'You know, I can see you can't take the pressure so you should just go get my gift so I can open it'

Bob: *evil last laugh*

Damn, this video just makes me happy - except for the creepy guy in the background. Somebody needs to fire his ass!!

8 comments:

nath said...

LOL, so funny... but I do sympathize with him... it's not fun when you're not allowed to shop for your favorite things anymore :( good that you're putting your foot down though, Cindy :P but I bet that is never a problem :P

and good luck on finding the shoes... the pair that you want is really pretty :P

Tara Marie said...

First of all, what were you thinking taking the man shoe shopping. Men can live for years with 3 pairs of shoes... dress, sneakers and work boots. They do not understand the need for different styles of shoes all in the same color or the same pair of shoes in different colors.

We never have credit card issue in our house, my hubby is beyond frugal, if he can't pay cash, he doesn't buy it. And since he never uses cc I'm expected to follow suit, which I actually try to do since I've been a SAHM for 6 years.

ReneeW said...

ROTFLMAO. Whew, oh, Cindy. Too funny. Just like my Bob. I pay all the bills too and balance the checkbook. Once every couple YEARS he gets all pissy because he doesn't know how much money is in the bank so I plop them down in front of him and he looks and says "Oh". That's it, don't hear a peep out of him for another couple years. He picks up the mail every day but does he actually open the envelopes and look at the statement, ah, no. He lost his debit card privileges (I cut it up - now I give him cash). But he is too fond of his one credit card. He charges everything and sometimes the bill is a shock.

I hate the pointy toes style. Reminds me of the wicked witch of the west. Loved those shoes in the picture. Yeah, men look at your boobs, but the women are looking at your shoes. It's hard to find both cute and comfortable in one shoe.

LinnieGayl said...

Funny video, Cindy. Ugh -- men/shoe shopping, never mix the two.

Very cute shoes in the picture. Try Steve Madden (can you get them in Toronto)? They have lots of cute round-toed heels in different colors with lots of low-heeled ones.

C2 said...

Always send the man to another section of the store (or mall) when shoe shopping! (Repeat as necessary.)

Poor Bob - no more Home Depot?? Do you really want to live with pouty Bob long-term? Well, maybe if he keeps singing... LOL

Kat O+ said...

I too distrust pointy shoes. They upset my sense of balance and are a health hazard to someone who manages to trip over her own bare feet!

My husband once tried to sing the Thong Song at karaoke. It was hilarious. Don't try it unless your audience is as drunk as you are. ;-)

Rosie said...

Those damn pointy toed shoes. The shoes I love to hate. I was out at a park concert tonight and this very attractive woman obviously came from work because she was still in a two piece suit with these killer shoes on. Of course she had the long lean tan legs to go with the shoes too. Couldn't believe she trekked out to a sunset concert in the park in those buggers but I have to say she looked fab-you-lus!!

ag said...

LOL, I could have told you not bring your man shopping. c2's strategy is great. I ask him to go to the DIY or the electronics dept.

I'm equally bad with the cc, so no comments from moi.