A hip young man goes out and buys a 2008 Ferrari GTO. It is the best and most expensive car available in the world, costing about $500,000.00. He takes it out for a spin, and while stopping for a red light, an old man on a moped (both looking about 90 years old) pulls up next to him.
The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?"
The young man replies, "A 2008 Ferrari GTO. They cost about a half a million dollars!"
"That's a lot of money," says the old man, shocked. "Why does it cost so much?"
"Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the cool dude proudly.
The moped driver asks, "Can I take a look inside?"
"Sure," replies the owner. So, the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around.
Leaning back on his moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right!" Just then, the light changes, so the guy decides to show the old man what this car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds, the speedometer reads 320 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer!
He slows down to see whit it could be, and suddenly, whhhoooossshh! Something whips by him, going much faster! "What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?!" the young man asks himself. Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot doming towards Whooooooosh! It goes by again, heading the opposite direction! And it almost looked like the old man on the moped!!
Couldn't be," thinks the guy. "How could a moped outrun a Ferrari?!" Again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror! Whooooooosh Ka-BbblaMMM! It plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end. The young man jumps out, and it IS the old man!!! Of course, the moped and the old man are hurting for certain. He runs up to the dying old man and says, "You're badly hurt! Is there anything I can do for you?"
The old man moans and replies, "Yes. Unhook my suspenders from your side-view mirror!"
The Golden Saloon
A guy comes home three sheets to the wind and all three sheets ripping bad, Budweiser sloshing around in his belly like a keg adrift in a roiling sea. He sloshes through the door and is met by his wife, who is scowling, figuring he's been out jumping new bones.
"Where the hell you been all night?" she demands.
"At this fantastic new saloon," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden."
"Bullshit! There's no such place!"
"Sure there is! Joint's got huge golden doors, a golden floor. Hell, even the toilet's gold!" The wife still doesn't believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the place to check her husband's story.
"Is this the Golden Saloon?" she asks when the bartender answers the phone.
"Yes, it is," bartender answers.
"Do you have huge golden doors?"
"Sure do."
"Do you have golden floors?"
"Most certainly do."
"What about golden toilets?" There's a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling,
"Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy who shit in your Tuba!"
These were the two that made me laugh out loud and today was a long day. Just so you know I haven't given up on the idea of finally finishing Whispering Rock. It's just been very, very busy the past few days.
Hope all is well with you guys and I'll hopefully get a chance to make the rounds tomorrow.
2 comments:
Been thinking about you Cindy. I've been sort of out of the loop too because my internet service has been the pits. Take care now.
Hahahaha!!
I've heard the first one, but not the second.
Thanks for the laugh.
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