Not A Good Idea

In an effort to play with Keishon and the others in the TBR Challenge for September I pulled out a few books that have been collecting dust. The challenge this month is fiction and I have to admit, I don't do fiction. Normally it's because I get bored and then any relationship can become toxic and then someone dies and I end up feeling depressed. That said, I do have fiction books in my TBR pile because I thought they may be books that 'speak' to me. Well, the book I picked definitely spoke to me and I didn't like the language it was using!

I may have mentioned that I have panic attacks - oh please, of course I have mentioned it ;) So a while back when I was still fighting my way through them I picked up a book called Prozac Nation by Elizabeth Wurtzel. Let's see if I can find a quick blurb.



From Publishers Weekly

Twenty-six-year-old Wurtzel, a former critic of popular music for New York and the New Yorker, recounts in this luridly intimate memoir the 10 years of chronic, debilitating depression that preceded her treatment with Prozac in 1990. After her parents' acrimonious divorce, Wurtzel was raised by her mother on Manhattan's Upper West Side. The onset of puberty, she recalls, also marked the onset of recurrent bouts of acute depression, sending her spiraling into episodes of catatonic despair, masochism and hysterical crying.



According to the cover a movie was made but I don't remember seeing it. I may go rent it so that I can watch how it played out. By the way I absolutely love this cover. I can't tell you how many times I have lain on the ground or in bed and covered my face with my arms in just such a motion. I don't think I have done it in a while but, it was terribly comforting.

Anyways, I made it to page 41 and all I can say is Wow. I think I might still read this book but in smaller stages. Why? You ask. Because it brought everything back. The crying jags, the fears, the anxiety. I was a bundle of nerves by the end of 41 pages.

I am blessed, I truly am because I *only* have panic attacks (The panic attacks became agoraphobia which then turned into depression so I have had depression but the underlying cause were the panic attacks). Trust me, I also tried to read From Panic to Power back when I was fighting a daily battle and even though much of it resonated with me, it was too much and it created anxiety just reading it. The author however, didn't only have panic attacks but could also hear voices and I believe she may have had Obsessive-Compulsive disorder as well.

It was the same with Prozac Nation. Wurtzel does not have panic attacks (although she might reveal later in the book that she does) but, suffers from depression and I *think* she has manic-depressive traits. The medications (prozac, lithium, desipramine, desyrel) this woman is on is frightening and the questions she asks about where the depression goes was just too much. These are questions that I have also faced but, I have decided that if my meds for anxiety take 10 years off my life, at least I *lived* my life and didn't suffer from debilitating attacks of panic that kept me from leaving my house. Where it got to be too much was when she theorized that the depression had to still be there in her brain and that eventually it would find a way around the medications she was taking.

And done. Yep, don't even want to think about it.

I did read the epilogue and the afterward and Wurtzel has theorized that depression is much more prevalent than we know and that somehow it is a product of our generation. Well, you'd have to read it and let me know what you think about her theory. If anything the epilogue and afterward made me feel better but, it also highlighted how depression and the drugs that fix it were becoming a punchline. She figures that people who really need help will not seek it because of the 'bad name' the drugs have received over the years.

So, even though I though I could, I decided for right now, I can't. You ready for this? The other book I pulled from the TBR pile was The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath - Yep, not even going to attempt it!

Good news, I went back to the pile and pulled out Shopaholic Takes Manhattan (whee, the reviews look like it's a winna!) which I think will count and hey, it's a comedy so no heavy stuff. Aren't you glad ;) I also have The Time Traveler's Wife in the pile and I have only heard good things but I *get* that the ending won't make me happy. Nonetheless, I may also give it a try. If not, I'll try next months' challenge. Hey, I'm gonna nail one sooner or later! Of course, I laughed my ass off when I saw that Nov. is Diana Palmer month...uh, I did that last month. *headslap*

Oh! Oh! I just saw that December is Liz Carlyle month - I'm sooo in. I have never read her but have some of her books!