Bob came home last night and said that one of the guys told him he was getting 'let go' from his job today. Now, in all honesty, they can't do it but, Bob kinda wants to go and would love a package. Still. I'm in the losing my mind stage although I know this is the push Bob would need to do go out and renovate full time.
Still.
My friend is supposed to come out today and I have my cramps and aching back so that's bothering me. All the same, I don't want to cancel because we haven't seen each other in weeks.
My other friend just called me because she needs her son picked up from school because he has an asthma appointment at 1:30pm and she doesn't want him walking home in the cold. Any other day it would be no big deal so to me it's like not eating junk before your blood tests. She needs him picked up in 20 minutes but I haven't showered or anything so there is no way I'm going into the school to pick him up. Sue says, I can just get a cab to pick him up. WTF? She says it's okay, the cab driver has to show his ID and go into the school to pick him up. Yeah, that'll stop a pedophile.
Still.
I'm beginning to feel like I am no longer keeping my head above the water line. I try and ask Bob for a long term plan or goal so that I know where we are going but it seems 'seat of our pants' living is the way it's going to be. Anxiety does not enjoy 'seat of the pants' living. Most of me wants Bob to get let go so he can move on without guilt and yet, I don't know what the plan is and Bob doesn't seem to want to deal with the reality of a plan.
We had a ten year plan and all went well. If Bob loved his job and was going to stay at the company he works for then I wouldn't worry about a plan because we would be fine now. We paid out debts and own our house so we would have no worries. So we attain our goals and Bob wants to semi-retire. Okay. How are we going to pay our bills? Just because your house is paid for and we have no debt doesn't mean you can live without an income. Not only that, I have dreams of traveling and doing whatever we want when we want. I don't see that happening if we are just getting by.
I know others have it worse but I guess this is my reality and it has been like this for about 2 years. Ever since we started part-time renovating. Two years is a long time to live life without knowing what the game plan is. People have 2 year or 5 year or 10 year plans all the time. We seem to have lost focus after we attained our goals. Bob wants to quit his job but thinks nothing of looking at homes worth twice the amount of our home. 'We can do it. We'll cash in some RRSPs'.
Uh, really? You've been saying for years how we have to save for retirement but now you want to cash them in for a house? Hello, I'm I the only one standing here?
Yeah, so I'm tired of living like this. I need something to happen and then I remember the whole 'be careful what you wish for' warning and I am back where I started.
Still.
2 comments:
That is SO stressful. My husband quit his job in March, 2004, and just got a new one this past November. In the meantime, he was trying to do the freelance thing, but it didn't pay the bills. It was so agonizing, since I'm the one who handles the money. Luckily, we had some inheritance money (which is now mostly gone), but I hated the day-to-day-ness of it, and kinda pushed him into getting a full-time, benefits-type job. Thank goodness. Of course, he's still doing all the stuff he did before he got hired full-time, so he's never home. But at least I don't have to worry when the rent is due.
Good luck, Cindy. This would stress ANYONE out, not just someone who's prone to anxiety.
Thanks Megan. I'm not sure men *get* women and their concerns. Sometimes I wish I could be a man for a day so I could figure out how their brain works. I'm also the one who does all the bill paying and sees the how the money leaves our accounts and I think if you aren't on top of that, you don't know how things will affect the situation
I'm about to blog about today and everything is fine.
CindyS
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