Ode to Lawn Tractors

Oh, you lovely growly beast,
The grass you find a lovely feast.

You belch and throw the garden around
And make me look like a big ol' clown.

I will find and ride you once a week...

So quit trying to buck me off you bastard!!

*stand and bows to the left, clicks heels stands and bows to the right*

I've mentioned I suck at poems and such, right?

Aside: Nope, not me in the picture - if only I was that thin but this is kinda what our lawntractor looks like (only now picture it all old and pitted because it's used) in case you were thinking of those John Deer ones - I prefer the type we have because I can see where I'm going and trust me, sight line is definitely a plus for me.

I have to admit that knives and sharp objects scare me - even though I'm wicked awesome when slicing and dicing in the kitchen - oh, but the knives are serrated - I would be terrified of a knife without a ridged blade. Why? Cause I would have lost at least three finger tips by now. Luckily the serrated edge binds when it hits my fingernail.

Now, the tip of knife? Ow, ow, ow, ow!!

Cindy's Helpful tip of the Year (I had day but, c'mon, when have I ever been helpful!)

Never, ever, ever and I do mean ever take a knife, point it towards your stomach or your other hand when cutting or peeling something very hard - like turnip. Cause, girrrrrrrl, the knife is destined to slip. I have only ever grazed my stomach (thank you God!) but have managed to stab my beautiful digits more than once! I've managed to keep injuries down nowadays because this helpful hint is so ingrained in me now that I rarely forget. Except for last weekend when I went to open a can of paint by cutting through the dry paint on the can with a scraper which hit a bump of paint, skidded off the pail and tore down the inside of my thigh. Ow.

Okay, wait, how did we get here. *mumbles, ode to tractor, sharp objects, owies, okay*

This fear extends to lawn tractors because I am sure that I will put my foot in harms way completely by accident while the blades are in motion. So I was anxious and decided to get the tractor (that we bought used - it's like 8 years old and refurbished) out while Bob was out running a few errands so he couldn't hover and make me nervous.

Well, suuuuuueeeeeeeeyyyyy! What a ride!! Not only that, but it cuts the grass!!

It definitely reminded me of a scary Disney ride. A Disney ride because the thing kept jerking and then slowing at weird times and scary because when I bounced the speed up I was trucking along and was pretty much out of control when I hit the hilly section of the lawn. What I learned is 1) The tractor cannot go straight up a hill (and this is a mini-hill) and it cannot go length wise because the engine stalls out. 2) every time I lifted my bum off the chair the motor would suddenly sound like it was stalling out - I thought it was mocking me and my fat ass but maybe it's a safety feature that I overlooked. Hmmmm, something to test out next week. 3) I could do a killer job if my neighbours didn't mind large circle cuts on their property - I have a short turning radius.

Bob was impressed but couldn't stop laughing because the grass looked like a racetrack that had had a car doing donuts. What can I say, it was my first time out. I'll get better.

On tap for tomorrow is our Godson's birthday which I believe we have been invited for except Sue ended up trying to be super mom and has 18 kids invited to the party. Bob and I are thinking that we'll go early ;) She's apparently having a BBQ and stuff between 6pm and 8pm on a Friday night. This way, people can still have their weekend plans without worrying about so and so's birthday. Zachary invited people that he thinks *might* like him so Sue is hoping that the kids show up. *fingers crossed*

Other than that, I'm hoping that Bob and I can just relax and enjoy the day. Course, mine and Bob's ideas for relaxing are completely different but maybe we'll find a happy compromise!

Yeah, I think I'll be at Home Depot for way too much of my day tomorrow. If it happens, I'll get my revenge by going to the bookstore. I haven't been in such a long time.

No.

Really.

Online shopping doesn't count.