Friday, October 27, 2006

What A Friend I Have In Bobby!


Thank you all again for your support!!

Reading the 'you go girl' comments helped to keep me from running away from home ;)

I have to tell you, I was going, no matter what. It was going to happen and yeah, there were some tummy rumbles so Pepto Bismol was called up on deck. Then the anxiety started to blossom and even trying to breathe it out was causing me more stress so I took one of the anxiety pills.

This was at about 2am and I do think the pill was starting to take affect.

Well, Bob had mentioned a few times that he wanted to go with us to see my Dad off. Now, I knew that even though that was partially true, he really wanted to be there for me. I told him not to worry about me, that I was going to be fine. Even still I did go up at 2am and told him the time. He mumbled that he was getting up. I kissed him on his temple and said that that wasn't necessary and that I would see him later.

I was downstairs for about 20 minutes when I heard Bob yelling my name. I got to the top of the stairs and asked if he was okay. He said, 'okay, you haven't left yet, I'm up'. I went in and told him in my firm wifey voice to get his ass back into bed. He didn't.

Can I tell you how much I love this man?

He gets up and dressed and we wait for my parents to arrive. They show up and my dad says to Bob you didn't have to come! and then of course, my mom is all, well, I didn't want Bob to have to come and lose sleep. I told them that I had told him that but that he insisted on coming. I'm pretty sure my parents think I asked him to come with me. They rarely if ever see me without Bob. It just doesn't happen. Bob is my safe person for a reason. Even so, I don't care what they thought of it and I do think my Dad was happy that Bob would get up to see him off to the airport.

He is such a blessing to me. I would never have asked this of him. I was more than prepared to do this and damn the consequences. I would have made it. After all, it wasn't like I was going to get on an 18 hour flight!

So, I'm back and grateful to all of you guys for putting up with my pansy ass ways. I promise to be a bastion of strength, like that mighty oak tree.

Okay, I'm going to need some hand holding over the three days of Christmas but I think we all think of our friends and what they are doing when we aren't with them.

I can tell you that I think of everyone who comes here and comments. Like when is Kyahgirl going to get a blog? How come I'm just finding Rosie's blog now (I love your template!) !? What took me so long!! Like many of you I use your names in my conversations with others and am sometimes surprised when someone asks who Mailyn or Kristie is. (Okay, now everyone knows about Kristie because they know that we met!) Bob knows all of you but don't worry he doesn't read my blog let alone yours but he knows the funny stories and some of the sad ones.

So thank you again, for thinking of me while I went through these last few weeks. I'm feeling super strong now, like I could climb a mountain or something. Let's hope the feeling lasts!

I have my Anne Stuart book on deck but I'm thinking Bob is going to get a little extra attention this weekend because I'm up during the mornings at the very least. I also have the shopping bug. I only get it about 4 times a year and it's messing with me big time!! So shopping may actually out weigh reading for the weekend.

I KNOW!!

Oh and I have to close my friggin' pool.

That's right, who's the Queen of Procrastination?

I AM!!

Bow before me!!!

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

My online buds mean alot to me too!

I hadn't commented earlier, but I was thinking of you! I can't even imagine having to deal with what you do- and that's why I felt anything I had to say was just ... inadequate.

((hugs))

CindyS said...

Zeek, knowing that people are just thinking about you for even a moment during the day is just the thing.

Nothing you could say would ever seem inadequate!

Thanks for thinking of me! I thought about how I had people in my corner on the way back home when I was driving. Sure, we haven't met but we all can share a moment in time.

When I was younger I felt so very alone in my anxiety and I remember looking at the stars and feeling so small. I don't feel like that anymore. I feel connected to a whole bunch of people now and you all know me better than most of my family! Hell, there is stuff I wouldn't even try to explain to my parents.

So knowing you come here and read my blog and accept me for the anxiety ridden uber drama queen that I am is just super cool ;)

Cindy

Kristie (J) said...

See - we KNEW you could do it! And what a sweetie Bob is once again! I think one of the interesting things about meeting and getting to know each other online is how inadequate we all feel in different areas of our lives. If we were to meet that person in real life we would never know that about them. Now besides a great love for romance books for most of us (but not all *g*) we also share insecurities or other kinds of issues

Rosie said...

Cindy! Yippee skippy doo-dah day! You and Bob make quite a team. I'm glad things went well for you.

nath said...

Go Cindy! You did it! So what's the next challenge?

and Bob rocks!

(by the way, was it as bad as you were imagining?)

CindyS said...

Thanks Kristie! Yeah, it is a wonderful and strange thing this internet blogging ;)

Thanks Rosie - Yeah, I like team B & C ;)

Nath - as long as I don't have a full fledged panic attack then it isn't as bad as it can be. I was starting to get the 'ants in my pants' about a half an hour before I had to go. I can tell you that if Bob hadn't come I would have been closer to a 6 on a scale of 1 - 10 and I would have taken another pill to stall that.

When I took a course and had counselling we would rank our anxiety on a scale from 1 to 10. I think I was on a steady curve upwards when I took the first pill and it brought me back down.

I actually try and not take any of the anxiety pills (I have daily dose ones that I will be on for the rest of my life but then I have these others that I can take when I'm starting to have an attack) and only do my modified thinking and breathing techniques. Last night I couldn't get my breathing right and that caused me to panic even more so I took a pill. I don't consider it a failure because I still went and I know I would have gone if Bob hadn't got up.

I just might have needed another pill ;)

Oh and my body reacts to the panic after every thing is over. In other words, I have a tummy that is rocking my world and I feel nauseated. Once your body realizes you are safe it unleashes the hounds from hell and if I had had a panic attack I would so be asleep right now just from sheer exhaustion.

AND - aren't you glad you asked. No one has ever known when I am having a panic attack. I never tell anyone and just go through it. I only tell Bob once we're home again or alone. Telling someone it is happening can actually make it worse, for me at least.

Cindy

Mailyn said...

Cindy I also talk about my online friends with my mom and she even knows about some of you galls hubby's. She knows about Bob the builder who never lets Cindy go anywhere alone. :-)

I also think you are super strong and you may not realize it yet. You rock!!!!! I mean that 110%.

I so wish I could hug you in person but here is an online hug. :-)

*hugs*

Mailyn said...

P.S. I can't stop staring at those puppies. OMG how uber cute!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Cindy,

I'm so happy you made it with your parents. When we talk about top ten heroes, Bob deserves to be right up there with Derek & Roarke....what a prince!

LinnieGayl

C2 said...

*bowing* See - we knew you could do it! I'm glad everything went well. :o) Tell Bob he ROCKS!

(((Cindy)))

Anonymous said...

Way to go kiddo! Bob is definitely a treasure. Hang on tight & never let go.

CindyS said...

Mailyn - oh yeah, Bob hears all about everyone, especially when one of the husbands tries to put a budget in place for books. 'A brave man, I want to be him when I grow up.' Which usually garners the 'look' and he quickly backtracks. Either that or I say, 'Oh a budget? That sounds fair, what kind of budget should we put in place for Home Depot?' Bob: Buy all the books you want sweetie!

I KNOW!! I love those little dogs and I want them!

LinnieGayl - thanks hon! Yep, I know I found my hero - I have a book called Summer Breeze by Catherine Anderson where the herone is Agoraphobic so I am really interested in how she deals with it.

C2 - Bob's ego is just fine the way it is ;) I'll let him know ;)

Bookwormom - Oh I definitely will be holding on. The funny thing is every once in a while I'll look at him and say 'if you have to go, go now because I may just be able to survive.' At which point he will reply 'I'm not going anywhere.' *sigh*

Okay, enough sappy stuff I need to write a funny post ;)

Cindy